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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
CuriousMama · 11/02/2012 15:04

OP sorry but it isn't healthy if this sort of thing happens. Doesn't mean you can't make it healthy if you both sort out your problems.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 15:04

I've asked for this to go to relationships as I'm too upset to take harsh aibu but still need support

OP posts:
antsypants · 11/02/2012 15:07

I think people are getting there ideas of the sex industry from the media stylistic over-exaggeration.

The majority of women who work in these areas are often some of the most vulnerable women in society, as are the men, damaged and broken, and the answer to that is to have a load of drunken men eyeing them up for £20.00

Heswall · 11/02/2012 15:07

Run for the hills OP, lucky escape if you ask me.

LeQueen · 11/02/2012 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BupcakesandCunting · 11/02/2012 15:07

"Maybe it was a one off? Most men would be curious about seeing the inside of a strip club.

You need to chat to him, apologise for going through his phone, apolgise for texting his friend and ask if this is a regular thing or just a one off.

He may feel shit and ashamed of going. Or terrified of hurting you. Ask him."

I don't think I've ever read such a crock of shite in all my time on MN.

And OffMeTrolley, if you really do think that all women working in strip clubs, or other areas of the sex industry for that matter, purely out of personal choice because of the fantastic pay packet Hmm, then you've been watching too much Secret Diary of a Call Girl. You need to look into the statistics of women working in this industry being trafficked in/coerced into working in these places. Might open your eyes a bit, like.

OP, you did what you did in an act of desperation. Don't let this lot on here persuade you that you've violating his human rights or whatever it is they're bleating about. Don't let him take the moral high ground on this. He did the two things that you suspected him of: visiting a titty bar and lying about it. You used an admittedly underhand tactic to catch him out and ultimately found ou that you were right. Let the daft twat stew.

PamBeesly · 11/02/2012 15:08

FWIW Jam I would have also sent the text, you needed to know. I'm sorry he went there and lied to you. Of course it doesn't define the entire relationship but it is a horrible shock to get. Hope you get some space to have a good think about things.

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 15:09

I agree, LeQueen

theincredibequeenofwands · 11/02/2012 15:10

Just go and talk to him. Sort it out.

:)

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 11/02/2012 15:10

I listened to a young lady on R4 some time ago. She had worked in strip clubs for years but had escaped.

She said something along the lines of 'they always interview girls still in the trade. Of course they are going to say they like it and do it for the money. They should talk to more people like me. When I was doing it I would have told someone who asked that I was in control. You say that to protect yourself'

The industry has a lot of free, positive publicity and it has got us beliving its all about the women being free and in control of their sexuality.

Yeah, course it is.

antsypants · 11/02/2012 15:10

Xpost Jam, apologies if I have upset you, I've got a big mouth but hope you find a way through this

SardineQueen · 11/02/2012 15:10

Jam I'm so sorry.

Suggest you switch MN off and go around to your sister's and have a good talk with her about it and get some sympathy and support from a real life person Smile

Good luck.

nkf · 11/02/2012 15:13

Having come out of a relationship where the only way - yes the only way - I got to the truth was phone checking, I have a great deal of sympathy with the OP.

The thing is how will this prove anything? Unless I've missed the outcome.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2012 15:14

Agrees with SardineQueen; time, space and some support from somebody who knows and loves you will do you the world of good, OP. It's your life and your decision to make. It may well be that you thank your lucky stars you're not currently pregnant by this man.

nkf · 11/02/2012 15:16

And if you don't like strip clubs or men who go to them, then that is quite fine and no-one else's business. Personally, I don't like men who have friends who go to strip clubs or men who think strips clubs are okay but have never been. You are allowed to have preferences you know.

OnlyWantsOne · 11/02/2012 15:28

Bloody hell

To those of you that think there is nothing wrong with strip clubs and the OP not liking them makes HER controlling - would your husbands like it if you went to a party and paid some fella £10 to wave his cock in your face so close you could smell him?!

I know my DP would go fucking nuts.

CupOfBrownJoy · 11/02/2012 15:30

well mine wouldn't go "fucking nuts" OnlyWantsOne so don't extrapolate your experience to apply to the rest of the known universe, please.

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 15:33

My DP would piss his pants laughing if I paid someone to wave a cock in my face.

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 15:34

In fact so would I...

DodieSmith · 11/02/2012 15:35

Mine wouldn't. And I wouldn't care if he went to a strip club. Bit then we trust each other. Sending texts to friends though...no way.

BupcakesandCunting · 11/02/2012 15:36

Ooh, you must have such cool and edgy relationships...

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 15:37

And yeah I do find it a bit controlling and 'cringy' when woman lay down the law to their partners and tell them what they are and aren't allowed to do. If I found DP in a strip club I'd be pissed off purely becuase we don't have the money to waste on such luxuries.

He's been to work do's where the 'entertainment' was 2 strippers. He didn't know it had been planned, no one did. I was just pleased he was able to come home and tell me about it and we could have a laugh about it rather than skulk home and lie like a lot of his work mates were doing.

FreudianSlipper · 11/02/2012 15:39

oh dear :(

it is up to you if you think this is acceptable behaviour or not, for me it is not about seeing pretty young women it is about that he thinking it is ok to pay a women for his sexual gratification that is not something i feel is right when so many women are suffering in this disgusting industry

there is nothing innocent or nice about these clubs, what is nice about a man (or women) paying to get turned on with no regard for the other person involved

takingiteasy · 11/02/2012 15:39

That's me over the back... cool and edgy.

TheParanoidAndroid · 11/02/2012 15:40

I don't tell my partner what he is allowed to do. I tell him what is acceptable to my personal standards and beliefs and he can choose to do whatever he wants, knowing that choices he makes could result in me making some choices of my own.
Thats called being a grown up.