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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 21:16

There was a thread not-so-long-ago where a woman found out her dp had done drugs and she was completely anti-drugs. I don't remember a single post telling her she was 'uptight' or telling her that their dp's did drugs sometimes and it didn't bother them. So why does this happen when aspects of the sex industry are involved?

Because that illegal. Dear god if i could be bothered i'd bang my head against the biggest brick wall ever.

And no, i have no affiliation with that thong wearing twunt with garish taste! As previously stated the places do not interest me. But the ridiculous claims and arguments on here sometimes need a bit of a reality check and balance.

Boorish, unsubstantiated claims should be pulled up regardless of their bias.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 21:16

OP I really hope you have a good talk with your dp tonight. If you and he both want to give your relationship a chance then you need to talk, talk and then talk some more.

Your dp seems to be going along the "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" route up till now - you need an assurance from him that this will not continue into the future. Good luck.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 21:18

I was being flippant running, it was tongue in cheek. I'm genuinely and completely sorry, really really sorry to have offended you. Move on eh?

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 21:20

Blimey, you must be Peter Stringfellow sigmund Grin

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 21:21

Good luck, indeed, and if you do decide to end it because you think he will always need just a little bit more outside stimulation in the form of ogling other women's bodies, or moving on to porn, then at least you know he'll be able to find plenty of other women out there to date who are okay with their dp's being into the above.
So he won't be lonely.
On the contrary. They will be throwing themselves at him like there's no tomorrow.
Such a catch.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 21:21

We spoke, well I did, I've poured my heart out to him. He just clams up when I'm upset, and says 'I don't know what else to say' which drives me barmy.

I told him how disgusted and hurt I am that he has been looking at other women's bits when I wouldn't dream of disrespecting him like this.

I guess I don't want him to say anything, just show with actions he's sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. I told him this is going to take a long time for me to get over, if I want to, and he needs to earn my trust back for lying to my face.

OP posts:
StrawberrytallCAKE · 12/02/2012 21:23

What did he say to that? Is he willing to try to earn your trust back? Did he say sorry?

CuriousMama · 12/02/2012 21:25

So how did he react? How old is he btw? I used to be married to someone who didn't react and it's so fucking annoying.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 21:25

How exactly will he do that, Jam ?

You need objective means of proof he isn't lying to you

a difficult one, since he will, if he continues to lie, simply hide it better

what "actions" does he have to demonstrate ?

I don't mean to put you on the spot, but in these situations if they don't express true remorse for hurting you simply "hoping he will never do it again" seems a false premise, to me

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 21:25

He said sorry, didn't say much else. Said he didn't realise I would react badly, but then why lie? He's basically on the defensive now because he got found out, acting aloof almost.

OP posts:
BayPolar · 12/02/2012 21:26

Well, for a start, maybe he should spend some weekends with you, instead of going out with his mates and winding up at these places.
And if he is happy doing that, being with you, doesn't feel caged or that he's missing out on what real men get up to, then maybe he'll be good father material after all.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 21:26

I actually don't think it is the legality aspect of it sparks.

Many dubious/illegal parts of the sex industry are minimised or even defended on MN. The number of sensitive threads where I have seen rape apologists piling in....

StrawberrytallCAKE · 12/02/2012 21:27

That sounds shit, I hope you don't in any way feel like this is your fault.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 21:27

it's not a good sign, love

unless you subscribe to the "he has a right to do what he wants, even if it hurts you" mindset, I see more hurt ahead for you Sad

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 21:28

AF I don't know, maybe put more effort into us, make plans, be more open, nice gestures, make me tea? Idk.

OP posts:
BayPolar · 12/02/2012 21:29

I concur with AF.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 21:29

Bay, he usually spends every weekend at home with me. This was a one off night out, he doesn't go out much.

OP posts:
StrawberrytallCAKE · 12/02/2012 21:30

Has he done those things in the past?

boodles · 12/02/2012 21:30

where do you draw the line? Strippers are fine, porn's fine. How about prostitutes?

2 out of the 3 are legal and socially accepted. Which bit of that are people finding so hard to comprehend?!

So if someones partner went to Amsterdam, where sex with a prostitute IS legal, would that make it ok? IF they made prostitution legal in the UK, does that give every married man free reign to go and have sex with a prostitute...well, after all, it's legal?

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 21:30

Then he clearly has a different moral outlook to you jam So finish it.

*I actually don't think it is the legality aspect of it sparks.

Many dubious/illegal parts of the sex industry are minimised or even defended on MN. The number of sensitive threads where I have seen rape apologists piling in....*

So yet again you refer to an illegal act. Jesus wept...

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 21:30

No, I know this isn't my fault.

I said to him that HE needs to make this right, not me.

OP posts:
StrawberrytallCAKE · 12/02/2012 21:31

bloody hell I think I'm invisible, I could make fortunes with this crazy cloak I've made.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 21:32

Yes, Sparkes, jesus wept, an illegal act defended .

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 21:32

This guy must be wonderful in many other areas for you to be giving him this chance.
So good luck.
He's obviously worth giving a second chance to.
Just like I gave my guy a second chance.
I'm glad I did because apart from the ONE slip-up, he is an amazing person.
Your must be to, by the sound of things, if you're prepared to let his silence on this matter, beyond the 'I'm sorry' and 'I didn't know you'd react this way', be enough to give him another try.
Good luck.

WorraLiberty · 12/02/2012 21:33

I'm ignoring all posters who condone strip clubs, sorry but I don't need your advice. You're making me feel like I'm blowing this out of proportion, tell me to get grip? How dare you

OP I'm sorry but actually it can help more to have a mix of opinions as sometimes it helps to open the mind.

The trouble is you're hurting, you're convinced he had a lap dance and you're convinced he got turned on about it.

Some (albeit well meaning) posters are feeding your hurt and anger by projecting their hatred of these places on to you. I mean the remark about you being "All fat and pregnant and him not being there for you" was just ridiculous and imo not very helpful at all.

Some people have repeatedly told you that they don't mind their DH's going to strip clubs and yet you point blank refuse to believe that...why? Is it because others have used ridiculous phrases like 'apologists' and 'cool and edgy'? For goodness sake, one poster was even ridiculed with a bet that she was a "man's woman" oh yes indeedy".

These are all techniques used to shut down and ridicule other people's opinions until you simply have a thread where everyone has the same opinion...and I personally feel that's not what MN is about.

You're under no obligation to agree with anyone who 'condone's' these places but please don't ignore or disbelieve all the posters who are simply trying to put a different view across, because all though it might not help now...it might help in the future to know there are some other people (and not all of them men) who think like your DP does.

Hope you get it sorted out soon anyway.