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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
Jux · 12/02/2012 19:31

Just to reiterate the point that just because you work in a particular industry doesn't mean you have to follow the crowd in that industry. My brother worked in an industry where at least 80% of people were taking class As, many drying out fairly publically, quite a few dieing of their illegal addictions. He was well loved, admired by his peers in that industry, and yet he didn't take illegal drugs AT ALL. It didn't ruin his career, or hold him back from his success; if anything he was more admired and loved because of his lack of bad habits.

You don't have to do what the people around you do just because they do.

Jam, he has led you to believe that he agrees with you on the sex industry, and yet he has lied about using it. I am sorry he has been dishonest with you and hope you can resolve this without fracturing your own principals (it's not worth doing that, ever).

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 19:32

Strip clubs exist for two reasons. They are socially accepted and there is a demand for them.

Brothels do not exist because whilst there is a demand they are not socially accepted.

Politicians may well have their own agenda but if the majority of society disagree with their actions they won't continue to serve. That's a simple fact.

I think the naive thing to do is to presume that because you disagree with something you have the wholesale backing of the populace. You don't. They exist and are completely legal. There is a reason for that.

Malificence · 12/02/2012 19:34

I have an agenda on here, absolutely - it's to get people to realise that they don't have to put up with crap partners and that it's not wrong or unreasonable to have high standards and expectations of honesty and fidelity.
From what she's stated, Jam's partner sounds a bit crap, the sort of man who won't make a good husband or father unless he is able to acknowledge his shitty behaviour and work on himself to ensure he never does anything like this again.

Smithson6 · 12/02/2012 19:35

Brothels don't exist? Since when?

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 19:38

In a legal legitimate capacity....

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 19:41

"They exist and are completely legal. There is a reason for that."

Yes.
It's called money.
incidentally quite a few councils have approved zero quotas for strip clubs in their boroughs since the rules were changed
Under the previous rules no matter how much people objected they had to grant the licence if terms were met which were the same as opening a coffee shop. An advert for a strip club was recently removed from outside a school due to local feeling and complaints. People don't like this stuff, in general. Pretend they do, if you like, but it's not true. It's a small group who like this stuff, it's a group with money though and where there is a buck to be made there will be someone there offering the service. Doesn't mean anyone has to like it though.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 19:41

brothels don't exist, sparks ? really ?

places like LDC are often a front for such estalishments, whether you believe in the "populace" view, or not

did you see that news report from Manchester this week ?

the "populace" would agree that a young disabled girl sold into rape and slavery is wrong, but the fact is it happened

right under the nose of the "populace"

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 19:48

But the places do exist. And are viable businesses. And the councils were NOT compelled to grant licences.

I think i've clarified my point AF.

Disgusting as that is AF the fact is we are talking about perfectly legal businesses not illegal acts.

Why try and compare the two?

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 19:51

BayPolar
"He's not being sorry enough."

How do you know how sorry he is or isn't?

"I wouldn't have children with this person.
He's already shown that he's one of the many fools out there who thinks it's okay to go and ogle another woman, even though he says he's in love with you and wants a child with you.
In my eyes, he'll always be pathetic for this side to him."

Says she, who by her own admission, forgave a husband who had actually shagged another woman, not just a thought crime, an actual act of sexual intercourse, possibly more than one act of sexual intercourse since it was described as an affair. Is you husband still pathetic?

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 19:58

Yes, he is still pathetic, but he made up for it, that one time digression, made up for it hugely, hugely, and still he will cry when he realises just how much it hurt me, and in the end, both of us.
That is a sign of being truly sorry.
Also, he doesn't game, watch porn, or want to go to sex clubs.
He's also highly intelligent, retired at a young age (so isn't some twat prepared to work till 65), and truly learned from his one mistake.
Given all the above excellent attributes of this man - and so many more - he was worth giving one more chance to.

On the contrary, Jam's guy - who she wants kids with too!! - sounds like he doesn't quite get that what he did - both do something that the future mother of his children deems to be not on, and lie about it, more than once - to be that big of a problem for them.
And I am sure that if he doesn't watch porn now, he will do in the future, especially once she gets pregnant.

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 19:59

Yes the councils were compelled to grant licences. They had to apply the same rules as for a coffee shop and could not turn them down because the local people didn't want them. That wasn't legally a good enough reason.

Now the rules have changed and councils are able to say no, most are doing so (it may be all, I have not kept up to date with it).

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ilovesooty · 12/02/2012 20:01

Why is someone prepared to work until 65 a twat?

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 20:03

Bay, you do yourself no favours when you say people who work until 65 are a twat

my pension entitlements are currently being forcefully changed by this government

I am told I will now have to work until I am 67

I am not a twat

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 20:03

'And I am sure that if he doesn't watch porn now, he will do in the future, especially once she gets pregnant.'

Lost for words. Seriously Shock. You're SURE? Really? Are you Mystic Meg or something?

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 20:05

Because working for 40 plus years of your life is just plain barmy.
Yeah, let's come to earth and work.
I'm retiring at 43.
I don't want to wait around for a paltry pension from the govt.
Sod that.
Shoot me if ever I had to work till 65.
I can't believe that intelligent beings have got into this default way of living.
Uh.
Rather you than me.
The thought of working another 22 years at least makes me feel nauseous.

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 20:05

Now the rules have changed and councils are able to say no, most are doing so (it may be all, I have not kept up to date with it).

Care to substantiate this claim?

The very fact these places exist as legal businesses is proof they have become socially acceptable. By what other barometer could you possibly measure social acceptance?!

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 20:06

I think you might have an overload of self-esteem BayPolar.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 20:07

Bay, start another thread

that has fuck-all to do with this one

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 20:08

anyfucker
Okay, you're not a twat, per se, but I still think it's stupid to work all those years just to get a paltry pension.
I invested outside of the box on a relatively tiny salary - 17k a year - so that I didn't have to rely upon the govt and work till at least 67, which it would probably be for me, too.
But I am 1:100,000 probably.
Being The Original Thrifty person has paid off.
I'm gonna be free a quarter of a century sooner than had I just accepted the norm.

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 20:09

I didn't continue talking about the early retirement..you all did.
Sigh.

Back to the point of this thread.
I wouldn't stay with the OP's guy.
If she does, well, good luck in the future.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2012 20:10

bully for you, bay...now take it where someone might be interested

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 20:10

baypolar

I'm sorry, I'm maybe missing something, but what exactly makes you believe the guy isn't sorry enough? What, exactly makes you so certain that he doesn't also deserve one more chance? I also have no idea what your fixation is about him inevitably watching porn when she's pregnant is about?

I don't mean to rub it in Baypolar, I really don't, but this bloke lied once and lied by omission several months ago. That's twice. Now, how many lies did your husbands affair entail? And lets face it, the chances that the partner had his penis out on his night were pretty slim, your DH actually shagged someone, maybe more than once. Now, talking books again, in MY book, that is FAR worse than a couple of visits to a strip club with his mates. I'd have a massive problem forgiving that.

I'm not being obtuse, I'd really appreciate it if you could clarify for me Wink

BayPolar · 12/02/2012 20:14

Maybe he is really sorry.
That's great.
He's got his lust for watching naked ladies out of his system at a young age and all will be well from hereon.
I wish them a long and happy life as a family.

p.s 98% of people respond negatively to me and my early retirement. Well, Brits do. Ex-pats are more 'good on ya, me, too' kinda deal.
It's one of the reasons I left the F.UK all those years ago. The burning resentment that simmers across the garden fences.
Grin