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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 17:42

Cor Charbon, you aren't half wordy. And a teeny tiny bit superior

sayithowitis · 12/02/2012 17:43

Why is it that those of us who do not like the idea of their partners going to these places are automatically ' insecure/jealous' etc? Op has stated that her Dp came home very aroused from his night of culture. That would cause me self esteem issues, the thought that I was not sufficiently desirable/attractive/whatever to arouse my man, but had to rely on someone else to get him to that state for me.

Charbon · 12/02/2012 17:47

Thanks Sigmund. I know how to use apostrophes as well Wink.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 17:49

Bless you.

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 17:50

To be honest I think she'd be mad as a box of frogs to end an otherwise good relationship over a couple of visits to a strip club over a 4 year period. That's up to her though. I think he was a twat for lying to her, he should have just fessed up and told her it was his choice to go, again of she chose to end her relationship based on this that's up to her.

What I have taken exception to is the slagging people like me have got because we don't see the strip club thing as a big a deal. We've been together once (my DH and I), and it's not something he's doing every week or even every month, it's an occasional thing for a stag do or when he was away with the RAF. The suggestions that we're morally corrupt and only doing it to be cool and let our men please themselves is insulting to say the least. My DH has his own mind, as do I. We share our lives but in my house that doesn't entail sharing all of each others moral stance on every topic. My DH would love to go hunting, I'm against blood sport. I don't have any notion of preventing him doing something based on my opinion. I don't want a run down on how it went or what he killed but I'd never stop him doing it. It's his choice.

flippinada · 12/02/2012 17:50

Yes Charbon, please stop posting intelligent, thoughtful comments.

All the cool posters are using smart-arsed asides and non sequiturs these days, don't you know?

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 17:53

It's been such a shitty weekend, total write off.

I just can't get these horrible images out of my head. Spoke to my friend earlier who is lovely, who went through the same thing and said it just takes time to move on from it.

To all the posters who deem me extremely rude, I never meant to come across as rude, I'm usually quite a nice person but this has distressed me greatly. I don't expect everyone to pander to me and give me sympathy, the Internet is full of differing opinions.

What it comes down to is this: my partner, on two occasions in our relationship (according to him) went somewhere to look at other women's private parts. I am completely shaken and horrified by this.

I'm in my mid-20s and have never dealt with anything like this before so maybe that's why I'm so distressed, who knows.

OP posts:
flippinada · 12/02/2012 17:53

Yes, it is up to her fluffy. Whether you would or wouldn't end a relationship over it is a moot point, because it's not your relationship, is it?

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/02/2012 17:55

flippinada
"I'm not sure what point you're trying to make BBJ?"

that the "sarky" comments are from both sides, and as usual have been overlooked by those that used them first.

two wrongs etc. but as this thread has had a lot of comments about the "moral high ground" I think that its worth pointing out.

flippinada · 12/02/2012 17:56

Sorry about your weekend and glad you've got some good support IRL Jam.

FWIW I've read the whole thread and I don't think you were rude at all. Don't rush into any decisions and be kind to yourself.

Charbon · 12/02/2012 17:59

Yes it does tend to frighten the sheep horses flippinada Grin

Fluffy if you and your husband choose to ignore the politics of the sex trade and the human misery it causes, then those are your decisions. Since you and your husband presumably don't lie to one another about those choices, just as he doesn't lie about his predilection for hunting animals, it's not the same scenario as laid out by the OP in this thread.

She does choose to see the bigger picture and she has stated her boundaries in her marriage. Her husband has ignored those boundaries and lied about breaching them.

PamBeesly · 12/02/2012 17:59

Jam I'd be distressed too, its very hard when you get such a shock. I abhor strip clubs because they denigrate the position of women in society and allow men to 'legitimately' view them as objects for a price. However, I see how this is much more personal to you so the abstract right now isn't weighing so much on your mind. I'd find it hard to even like that man again let alone trust him. I hope you have lots of support around you, go easy on yourself too. Btw you are in your mid-20's please don't settle for whats not good enough for you, life is long and hard enough without having to carry this around never knowing if you are being lied too etc

ilovesooty · 12/02/2012 17:59

Of course it's not fluffy's relationship, nor mine, nor the relationship of any other contributor to the thread. I would have thought the big issue is whether she can trust him - and it doesn't sound as though she trusted him 100% before. The events of that night have obviously made that worse.

Charbon · 12/02/2012 18:03

Your age is a cause for celebration OP. It's refreshing to see a young woman who was raised in the 'lads-mag/all men use porn' era, who has the intelligence and self-esteem to reject all that crap. Well done. You're doing fine.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 18:04

Right now I'm finding it hard to even make eye contact pam such a horrible feeling to have towards someone you're supposed to love.

I feel like I'm grieving, he's not the person I thought he was.

fluffy I wish you would stop saying I'm throwing all of this away over a visit to a strip club. He also lied. I haven't said I'm leaving him once, I've said I don't know what I'm going to do. Twice you've said this and twice ive replied

OP posts:
flippinada · 12/02/2012 18:05

Still not with you BBJ, but never mind.

"Btw you are in your mid-20's please don't settle for whats not good enough for you, life is long and hard enough without having to carry this around never knowing if you are being lied too etc"

Yes, this. Good to bear in mind when thinking about what you want.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 18:06

Charbon - the OP isn't talking about the politics of the sex trade, YOU are. She's pissed off because she considers it cheating. Good opportunity for you to spout your agenda with strip clubs though, eh?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/02/2012 18:07

Leaving aside the sex industry stuff, the lying would be the huge issue for me, and the fact that he doesn't see that he has done much wrong.

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 18:07

Mid twenties? No children?

Well I know what I'd do. This is a lifetime commitment you are signing up to. I moved on from a long term relationship when I was older than you as he wasn't the right one. Met DH and he is marvellous.

You need to think what is right for you and this relationship and so on. But please keep all the options in your mind as you are a. young and b. child free and all the options are there for you Smile

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 18:08

Still no answer on the male stripper question then...

Sorry Jam but if it's that's much of a problem end it with him! Simple!

BanditoShipman · 12/02/2012 18:12

I answered the male stripper question didn't I? Confused

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 12/02/2012 18:13

My sister said that sadly it goes hand-in-hand with his job (city worker) plus he does coke but very rarely, which I also cannot stand. He has stopped doing it as much. I feel like such a fool, it was so obvious he would be doing stuff like this.

He not at all chauvinistic or a ladies man at all which is why I'm so shocked

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 12/02/2012 18:15

flippinada

I think that I may have misunderstood your comment.

Sparks1 · 12/02/2012 18:16

Yes you did band i apologise. That's a hell of a lot of people you consider seedy though!

Jam THEN LEAVE HIM!

flippinada · 12/02/2012 18:17

Bloody hell Charbon, Sigmund has a point you could try and be a bit more supportive of the OP!

Wait a minute.....

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