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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 12/02/2012 15:08

I'm interested in the term mangina, and established what it meant. I found four definitions

  1. A man totally controlled by a woman
  1. A weak willed man
  1. The partner that takes it in the anus in a male homosexual relationship
  1. A male prostitute, gay or straight

Sigmund, a man doesn't have to be any of the above not to go to strip joints. Really he doesn't.

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 15:10

YUK to those last 2 definitions
Homophobic puerile YUK

NubblesStryverFlintwinch · 12/02/2012 15:11

Yuk to all of those definitions.

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 15:11

Has the OP really had a hard time? No one has questioned her morals or told her to fuck off with her views. Ok, some have said they thought she was overreacting. That's a valid opinion, no one has been rude to her, just offered different ways of looking at things. All she had to say was thanks but no thanks.

I didn't even notice this had been moved to relationships, I take it you're only allowed to pat on the back and agree wholeheartedly about what a sleazeball her partner is in there. Hmm, questionable reasoning there.

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 15:12

First two are pathetic
Second two are utterly grim

Who uses language like this?

(As if I need to ask teenage boys)

perceptionreality · 12/02/2012 15:14

Well of course the OP has had a very hard time - she's been told to 'get a grip' and that her feelings are wrong.

SardineQueen · 12/02/2012 15:14

Well it's been a long thread but I seem to remember OP being told that her views were ridiculous (ie have questioned her morals) and told her to go and apologise to him (which isn't wholly supportive IMO).

Can't remember what else has been said but that little precis there is incomplete.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 15:15

Obviously the first two definitions were what I meant. But Ok Quattro, I take your point.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 12/02/2012 15:16

Strip clubs are grim. I look down my nose at men that go and that's that - get a life you saddos!

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 15:19

That has NOT been the attitude of the vast majority of those who disagree with her. Most have been really quite reasonable despite the questioning of their own low morals. Of course there have been one or two OTT posts, but no one was calling Baypolar (except me) with some of her outrageous statements early on though. Quietly skimmed over they were because her main feeling was in support of the OP. Some of the things she said about people like me were grossly insulting to say the least.

I just wish people would just say thanks but no thanks that's not for me. Not slate the very people who just maybe think they have a different way she could look at it. That gets people's goats.

flippinada · 12/02/2012 15:35

Jam

Sorry you've had such a hard time on here.

Some people just can't seem to help themselves, they see someone in distress and stick the boot in. Bloody shameful.

Your feelings are not wrong, you aren't bad for having them and if this is a deal breaker for you then it's a deal breaker.

flippinada · 12/02/2012 15:38

I note upthread that some poster has made a sarky comment about posting in the Feminist section for support.

That's actually not a bad idea OP, if you feel up to it, but your call. Take care.

BoneyBackJefferson · 12/02/2012 15:59

Its no more sarky than claiming that some posts are men pretending to be women.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 16:00

I totally agree the op has had an unreasonably hard time on this thread. She has been baited and teased with such remarks as YOURS fluffy "perhaps you and your moral highground should have lunch alone" and Frauds "amen to that" Not very nice at all.

OP I'm totally with you on the strip clubs - I hate them. My dh feels the same (I'm not 'controlling' him - he can think for himself) and sees them for exactly what they are - seedy degradation of women.

Look after yourself and take some time to gather your thoughts on the matter. You know your relationship the best, be honest with yourself and work out if this is the man you want to have children with. Did he just go along with the rest of the lads? Does he have lots of lads nights out and are they a problem for you? Does he make you feel insecure in other ways? You will feel more vulnerable than ever after having a baby so make sure he is the man to make you feel secure and loved before you do.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 16:07

Quattro - well said on the 'mangina' definition! What a vile term to use on a thread where a woman is upset about a partner visiting a strip club.

I don't know what someone is trying to say when they use that term on MN? Perhaps, that not only is the op being silly to object to strip clubs, but that any man that doesn't go to stripclubs, use porn or whatever, is weak and controlled by women? How ridiculous.

flippinada · 12/02/2012 16:08

I'm not sure what point you're trying to make BBJ?

The feminist board probably would be a supportive place for the OP to post, it's up to her if she wants to do that of course.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 16:22

runningforthebuses - firstly, I can use the term wherever I like, if I feel it's appropriate.

Secondly I used it in regard to TheParanoidAndroid's ridiculous suggestion that only 'real men' don't go to strip clubs. 'Real men' is pretty offensive term on it's own. If I suggested I was a 'real woman' for not going to watch men strip, I think plenty of posters would have a lot to say about that, and you know it.

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 16:22

"YOURS fluffy "perhaps you and your moral highground should have lunch alone" "

If you've read the thread then you'll realise that that is really very mild compared to the language that has been used about me, people like me and our partners. Selective reading isn't clever.

SorryMyLollipop · 12/02/2012 16:23

Sigmund do you understand what feminism actually means?

Not that I care, its beside the point, this thread is about the OP and her morals and expectations in a relationship, not yours.

Jam I am apalled by the way some people have treated you on here, you know what your principles are and you have stuck to them, good for you

flippinada · 12/02/2012 16:29

An aside: if people are using derogatory language about you and attacking you directly that is awful fluffy. If you think that is the case you should report the posts, quoting examples.

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 16:30

I have read the thread fluffy thanks (although I plan to skim over yours and sigmunds post from this point on) and I would remind you that the thread isn't about you, it is about the op and her feelings about strip joints. You don't mind them, all well and good. She DOES mind them, so I would imagine she doesn't really need your input.

Sigmund, it doesn't really matter what context you used the term - it is very offensive to men, can you really not see that?

runningforthebusinheels · 12/02/2012 16:33

Actually, i will correct that:

It's not even really about how the op feels about strip clubs. It's about how the op feels about her relationship, and about being lied to about her dp going to a strip club.

Anyone elses feeling about strip clubs really don't come into it at all, since the op has made her own feelings abundantly clear from the start.

notfluffyatall · 12/02/2012 16:35

"An aside: if people are using derogatory language about you and attacking you directly that is awful fluffy. If you think that is the case you should report the posts, quoting examples."

I really don't care, I'm just making the point that actually the OP hasn't had a terrible time. She has in fact been extremely rude.

BanditoShipman · 12/02/2012 16:39

To answer an earlier question, yes I think men that go to strip clubs are rather lacking, or seedy as was said up there ^^ It's a bit sad and childish really (not to mention totally disrespectful to women/perpetuating misogyny/exploitation etc) but I would also think exactly the same of a woman that had a male stripper at a hen do.

SigmundFraud · 12/02/2012 16:39

Yes I do SorryMy. I don't understand the need for it though, I find some feminists self-indulgent in the extreme. First and second wave feminists had a point and were worthy of attention, third wave ones don't, not really.