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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
Jux · 11/02/2012 22:53

Jam, I am really sorry this has happened. FWIW, I don't think you've done anything wrong at all. Your dp lied to you. You thought he'd lied to you and you checked. He had lied to you. Who cares how you found out? The fact is he did something he knew would upset you and then lied about it.

Don't waste your time justifying yourself or worrying about what is actually a side issue. He lied to you, straight faced.

Has he shown real remorse? Is he going to turn up tomorrow with gas station flowers?

Now, you have to decide what you want to do about it.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 22:54

sooty, you know what ?

you are the only poster who is still banging on about how OP has done so so wrong

others have said so, and then warmed to the OP's obvious distress

can't you let it go, she knows she did wrong

nkf · 11/02/2012 22:54

Yes but what I don't know is if the text was the reason the truth came out. Maybe I read the thread too fast. Did the friend reply with a comment that confirmed her suspicions?

RaisingEmbers · 11/02/2012 22:55

She confronted him and he 'fessed up.

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 22:56

She told him what she'd done and he admitted it nfk

Fair enough, AF

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 22:56

No nkf read the second or third page, I pressed him further and he admitted. His friend must have known it wasn't him, was a pretty lame message I sent

OP posts:
Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 22:57

Other way around sooty

OP posts:
nkf · 11/02/2012 22:57

So text neither here nor there.
I think I once wanted to pretend to be my ex contacting his girlfriend. Didn't do it. Can't remember why not. All I know, OP, is that it's no way to live.

hoops997 · 11/02/2012 22:58

It's not about what she has done though is it? It's about what he has done, I think this relationship is doomed tbh sorry op but it does sound like there are lots of issues with you both

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 22:58

They'll probably all be laughing at me in the office Monday morning for being an uncool girlfriend, couldn't care less. Pathetic twats

OP posts:
perceptionreality · 11/02/2012 22:58

I'm really sorry to hear this Jam and I would feel the same as you, no question. I also think it's understandable what you did with the phone. I would have felt the same urge to know if he was lying.

I also understand the lying bit. My dp told me he was at the garage once when I called him so I said ok, I'll meet you there - it turned out he was in the betting shop! You wonder what else they lie about tbh.

Sorry, not much help - only you know whether you can forgive this or not. I also agree with whoever it was who sad that once you've had a baby you feel more vulnerable.

nkf · 11/02/2012 22:59

I think the only thing wrong with the text is that it wasn't well thought out enough. Friend unlikely to fall for it.

Still, it enabled you to rattle him enough so that he told the truth. So not too shabby.

What are you going to do next?

nkf · 11/02/2012 23:00

They won't be laughing if he has to sleep on one of their floors. To hell with them.

hoops997 · 11/02/2012 23:01

jam are you still going to be with this twat on Monday morning?

nkf · 11/02/2012 23:05

One thing I would say is don't get too swayed by remorse and flowers. My ex did something really sordid in the early days of our relationship and I loved him and he was sorry and all the rest of it.

But the thing was I never really trusted him and I went against my instincts and really the repentance was irrelevant. So he was sorry but it made me think less of him. It would have been better if I'd said, "I appreciate that you're sorry and thank you for the flowers but what you did made me feel bad about you and me so let's call it a day."

You don't have kids with this man. You're not stuck. Not at all.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 23:08

good post, nkf

FlightRisk · 11/02/2012 23:13

Jam Get a fucking grip he hasn't cheated.

He lied to you because you make a fucking moutain out of a molehill.

Did he stick his dick in a stripper?? No!!! He wouldn't even be allowed to.

He went with his mates to drink and comment on which girls they'd shag (hypothetically) which had the best tits etc thats what men do in strip clubs.

If he had a lap dance he still wasn't allowed to touch her.

From what I can tell you're controlling and because of insecurities you have trust issues. No wonder he stayed out till 5am!!!!

BayPolar · 11/02/2012 23:16

Flightrisk

I bet men love you.
You're so easygoing.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 23:18

FlightRisk, you are not helping

nor are you correct in your assumptions

so cool though, aren't you ?

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 23:18

I reckon FlightRisk is hoping for a starring role in the new series of TOWIE

hoops997 · 11/02/2012 23:20

I agree with flight on the strip club view but not on the lying, no one should lie in a relationship that's not what it's all about

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 23:22

I bet FlightRisk is a "man's woman" oh yes indeedy

BayPolar · 11/02/2012 23:28
Grin
AdLibitum · 11/02/2012 23:30

It all depends on the context which we can't possibly know. I had a controlling partner and lied to him on occasions because ot was easier. But if Jam isn't otherwise controlling then this is pretty crap behavour from the man.

FlightRisk · 11/02/2012 23:38

anyfucker what the fuck are you on about??? I don't watch TOWIE so no idea what that means? I'm a mans woman? What does that mean??

I have more female friends than male friends if thats what you're getting at.

Why am I cool?? Just becauser I'm not a prude and I've been in strip clubs with my male and female friends doesn't make me any of the things that you're implying.

She can't say he cheated he hasn't cheated. Not by going to a strip club he hasn't.

No he shouldn't have lied, lying is the worst I hate it. I'd rather any partner I have go to the strip club and tell me about it rather than lie about it!!

What I'm saying to the OP is that she needs to get things into perspective. Yes hate him for the lie but not for anything else.

She isn't perfect neither is he.

She has to look to herself too for the reasons this has happened.

I can see why he lied. Its not right that he lied nut I can see why he did it.

I can see why she sent the text, she shouldn't have but I can see why.

What I can't see is why she thinks its ok for her to dictate where he can and can't go and her resons for that.