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Original poster

To have texted DPs friend pretending to be him?

907 replies

JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 13:48

DP got in at 5am last night, saw a text on his phone (he was there when I was looking for texts from me) from his friend saying 'strip club round the cormer' Hmm.

I outright asked him, did you go? He said no. He knows I'm very much against them. Now I'm wondering if he can lie to my face.

While he's in the shower I texted his friend pretending to be DP saying 'great night last night, how was the strip club' so his friend could potentially text back saying er you were there mate remember?

Aibu to want to know if my DP is capable of lying to my face? This troubles me more than the strip club, because then it's like, what else?

(I know tis sounds very childish btw)

OP posts:
hellymelly · 11/02/2012 21:33

He sounds really immature:the lying,the friend calling him to suggest the club etc.And he also sounds very selfish.clearly his desire to go and pay naked women to fake fawning over him was greater than his care about your feelings or your relationship.I would not ttc with this man,he really needs to grow up.Aside from that I wouldn't want to be with any man who thought a strip club was a fun night out.(With or without a lapdance).I think any man who visits a club like that is emotionally stunted, lacking in imagination and secretly scared of women.So even if it was in his past I would have grave doubts about the sort of man he really is.
I am sad for you though. I think you knew in your heart that he had been and just wanted to confirm it ?

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 21:33

I know for a fact that no woman would happily let their guy look at naked women

Sorry, but you don't know that for a fact. People have all sorts of different expectations and moral codes.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 21:35

I knew he was lying because the friend who messaged him is one he always goes out with.

He is really selfish at times. Never makes plans for us etc.

I feel so fucking stuck.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 21:37

He is really selfish at times. Never makes plans for us etc

So where's the great relationship you referred to earlier? You also referred to him having done "questionable things" before.

I'm not so sure that it's all about what's just happened, tbh.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 21:38

ruby I'm sure he's sorry for upsetting me. But he did know how I felt about this before. We've had conversations on it.

When I know my partner is not comfortable with something, I wouldn't do it out of respect I feel he has no respect for me.

I feel like such a fool.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 21:39

Jam, let me tell you something

if you feel so bad now, if you have children with this man, then you will be truly stuck

having babies makes you very vulnerable

if your relationship is so shaky now, and your trust in him so damaged, bringing dc into the mix would be a very bad mistake

I don't know if you will listen to me here, but I think even the people cool with their man partaking of the sex industry, will say do not have a baby with this man

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 21:39

Well I'm usually the one who makes plans like 'hey honey, why don't we try that new Thai restaurant?' etc doesn't mean it's a shit relationship. Just that it would be nice if he initiated plans with me.

OP posts:
hoops997 · 11/02/2012 21:41

Have been reading this thread, if it's a deal breaker on both counts (strip club and lying) then run for the hills......

I for one 'let' my DP watch porn, strip clubs don't particularly bother me but then that's me and my opinion, obviously for you it's a huge issue and you should get out, it will play on your mind whenever he goes out and you'll throw it into every argument.

Good lunch with whatever you decide OP Smile

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 21:41

if your relationship is so shaky now, and your trust in him so damaged, bringing dc into the mix would be a very bad mistake

I agree.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 21:41

AF I'm currently in the TWW. Here's hoping my period comes Sad

A few hours ago I was hoping to have a baby inside, now I can't think of anything worse to bring into this mix.

OP posts:
maleview70 · 11/02/2012 21:41

You clearly feel very strongly about this.

Why don't you just end it if it upsets you that much. Problem is many of the blokes out there will also have been to strip clubs.

BayPolar · 11/02/2012 21:41

Yeah, I agree about the 'something men do' and how all it does is give men the excuse to do these deplorable things.

I'm a strong enough woman to not have to put up with such disrespect. Over my dead body and all that jazz.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 21:41

well, he would rather go along with plans to go to a strip club

obviously he is a weak man, and easily led

not good father material

hoops997 · 11/02/2012 21:42

Lunch?? Good luck and what AF said Smile

ilovesooty · 11/02/2012 21:43

I don't think the entire relationship sounds like a good one for children judging by the behaviour on both sides.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 21:44

maleview, that is not fair

you are implying that if she ends this relationshi, she is not likely to find much better

I do not agree

not all men agree with the degradation of women, and not all men would competely ignore the stated wishes of the women they love

your post is designed to guilt her into staying, and it is not what she needs right now

she can do better than this weak man, many if us have

and she knows it

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 21:46

Jam I am just so sorry

what a headfuck

here's hoping that your period arrives

SparkleSoiree · 11/02/2012 21:48

If your relationship is so shaky now, and your trust in him so damaged, bringing dc into the mix would be a very bad mistake

I absolutely agree with this Anyfucker. I don't think people realise how much choice they really have until a baby is born into the mix.

BayPolar · 11/02/2012 21:48

Yes, I hope your period arrives soon, too.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2012 21:52

yes

before babies, your choice is your own

make yourself vulnerable with a baby, you are much more fucked

and the stats support the fact that men who like to take advantage of women use the arrival of the first baby to really up their mindfucking tendencies

I have said it before and i will say it again

be very very sure who you procreate with

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 21:53

maleview (like I need one) I know many men have been to such places, do what you like when you're single. But he isn't

OP posts:
BayPolar · 11/02/2012 21:58

I wouldn't even want to date a guy who'd been when he was single.
I sound like such a prissy, I'm not, I love big, live big but in a little way, but there are some things in life which are too precious to compromise over, and respect for yourself, and respect for others, is one of those things that I won't ever dilute for the sake of 'changing with the times'.

You sound like a decent person, OP, in my book, of course, and the world and your children is a better place because of you.

Folks going to strip clubs, condoning strip clubs, watching porn, condoning porn, that kind of stuff, in my book, don't make the world a better place, and certainly don't make good parents.

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 22:00

Just checked the website, it's fully nude. Just cannot believe this

OP posts:
hoops997 · 11/02/2012 22:00

Baypolar what a load of tripe, because I condone porn and stuff, I'm a rubbish parent??? WTAF??

Original poster
JamRagRolyPoly · 11/02/2012 22:01

Feel sick

OP posts: