The Wonderful World of Dating - 'Salts' Diary

[salt]

Due to popular demand, Well actually the demand of Codswollop you will now ALL be able to follow me through this epic adventure in life.

Roll up, Roll up for this ONCE in a lifetime opportunity and follow me in this no-holds barred, hopefully colourful and VERY detailed diary of my dating experiences...

... I'll tell all, I promise.

I have two DS's two and four

Glad you are so cheerful, salt. I am just looking forward to having a rest at Xmas with ds. We are going away to a lovely fancy hotel on a 3-day Xmas package, which I am really excited about (no cooking, no cleaning, lots of fun and food, and don't even care what the other guests are like). Then we have got various old friends to visit and will spend a week just relaxing in my parents' house (they are going abroad). All my friends are going off to see family or just hanging around at home, and there wouldn't be parties even if we stayed in London. I love my friends, but sometimes get fed up that I am the only one who ever organises parties! At our office party someone really senior who is a lovely person told me that he can't believe I am still single after all this time, and my "problem" is that I am "very attractive and very successful" which men find intimidating. After some discussion, he agreed with me that if all the things you are proud of about yourself and work hard to achieve are regarded as negative by a man, then there is no future there, and I had better look for some crank who actually likes successful women. However, the whole conversation makes me very sad because I don't want to make myself all frumpy and bad at work and disorganised just to appeal to a load of men who feel inadequate and it makes me feel that I will never have sex again

FF - Can you not take them into to get their haircut?

OOP - Your christmas plan sounds great - I might look for something like that for next year!

Also I think the said senior person might have a crush on you. I've not used that word for ages!

It's true that some men find that intimidating but if you are mixing with successful men (which it sound like you are I can't see it being too much of a problem)

Just goes to show that men really don't have much self confidence! Don't feel bad though I am very envious of you

Salt i did i took my ds in, he had his haircut end of story! Oop does that man fancy you? I think some men love successfull women, some don't, some don't care, it's just if they like YOU

FF - Take him again, every week... did you check his wedding ring finger?

Take him this weekend. Tell him you're really looking forward to Christmas and ask if he's got children and are they excited about Christmas... can also worm the fact that you are single into this sort of conversation... like 'well I'm on my own so I've spoilt myself this year...'

Salt thanks for the advice but there is no way i could pull that off without laughing, i just couldn't, and besides they can't have there hair cut every week i'll look insane.
Glad your having fun though your following that times article! You make sure they treat you like a queen
P.S. No wedding ring, do men wear engagement rings?

He is my father's age with children my age! I know he likes me but I think that he is just fond of me and takes an interest in me because he recruited me a long time ago. I have already established that all his sons are attached . Ff you are right - do I really want to be tolerated by a man, or loved? Unfortunately, I don't seem to meet any of these mythical men who like successful women . Looking back, a lot of exp's horrible behaviour to me was linked with being very jealous when I got my job and made new friends, although in fact he was very successful. An old flame sent me a Xmas card and wants to meet for a drink next year - felt very funny because we never fell out, just that I didn't want to fool around after I had ds, and he didn't want to be in a serious relationship, but he was very attractive. Bit of the same issue again, though, that he was jealous of my job (he is in the same field and got let go at the time I got recruited) and was really jealous of the attention I gave ds like breastfeeding - immediately after stopping seeing me he started seeing his hairdresser. I think he just wants to meet in a friendly way. Ff you should ask the barber to wash and cut your hair and then you will definitely find out if he fancies you!

Well I thought it was a bout time I did a small update. Quite a lot has happened on this front over Christmas but I'll try to keep it short...

number of dates with L = 5
number of times been stood up by A = 2
number of current boyfriends = 2 (oops have got into some bother)
total number of men on the scene = 4

Well I seem to have managed to end up with 2 blokes who both think I'm seeing them exclusively - pants.

Haven't seen 'A' at all since the first time - he has let me down on the 2 other times we'd arranged to go out... after the 1st time he worked hard to get me to agree to the 2nd date then stood me up again so I told him he'd blown it - he begged and grovelled for me to let him take me out for a nice meal when he returns from his holiday also asked if I would be his 'girlfriend' and not see anyone else whilst he was away... my mind said 'no' and my mouth said 'yes' but I had drank quite a bit of wine by this point. He convinced me to go for a meal with him by saying that even if he's blown it I should let him take me out for a nice meal by way of apology and if I still don't want to see him again afterwards I can tell him to f*ck off (afterwards) but at least I'll have had a nice meal and night out. I just don't understand him at all.

As for 'L' I've seen him quite a bit and he thinks we are in an exclusive relationship, he even stayed in with me on NYE and he's very sweet.

Just don't know what to do now! I've decided that I will go out with 'A' for this meal and then decide whether or not to give him a second chance. I just feel bad for 'L' as he seems really sweet.

Well not as short as expected but that about brings us up to date kids!

sounds complicated to me!
and L doesnt sound like the sort of bloke who'd like to find out there are other people on the scene too?

could be decision time?

or is everything going too well for that?

so where have the other 2 blokes come from?????

Who are the other 2 men? Isn't it too early to tell whether there is a real future for you and L? I think you should still keep your eyes open and go on friendly dates with other men who seem interesting possibilities - but things will surely get too complicated if you are more than friends with too many men? I am now on a roll, of asking every potentially interesting single man on a date in an ambiguous way so that he has no idea if I am just being friendly. This technique is saving my pride. I asked 2 men this week, one said it would be great, and one I have not heard from because I asked by email, and one before I could ask him he contacted me about something else and the other one I was going to ask I bumped into accidentally.

The other 2 - well 1 is the guy who has repeatedly broken my heart for the last (i don't know) how many years now. The other is a guy who has pestering me since the middle of last year, I've know him about 5 years (only as a friend) and have said no up until now as he has a girlfriend, now they've practically split up I feel myself giving in slightly but I know he's not 'right' for me.

TUTB - Yes 'L' would be quite hurt I think, especially as I might have given him the impression that he was the only guy I was seeing right now.

OOP - Sounds like you've got the right balance. I've just got in a bit of a mess and am finding it hard to keep a balance - 'L' is a bit over keen and I'm finding it hard to keep him at a reasonable distance, I think he really wants a serious relationship.

How old is L? Is he mature enough to understand if you said that after breaking up with your dd's father, you wanted to be more cautious in future, and not take things too fast, even though you liked him and wanted to carry on seeing him? Then say about how often each week you would like? Tell him that you also need to give time to your dd and your job and your other friends. Has he met your friends yet? What do they think of him?

try telling him (or hinting strongly) that you aren't?

I've told him that I want to take things slowly - we're seeing each other once every 2 weeks on average (he want's more). He's old enough and mature enough to understand but I think he would be hurt (and cross) that I hadn't been honest from the beginning.

I think it could develop into something really good but I can't help wanting to give 'A' this last chance.

A sounds like he might just be the sort of bloke who wants to know you're really keen and then plays you on a hook IYKWIM. In my vast experience of men who don't treat one very well (how did I ever end up with my lovely and generous dp, who is bathing dd1 as I type??)

Went out Saturday night and went home with a guys telephone number - there's one problem - I went to call him last night and I can't work out what the last digit is... it's either 8 or 0.

What should I do? I thought I might text the same message to both numbers and see if I get a reply

My strategy book suggests that you should always try to call when the man is there, and if he is not there, don't leave a message; that way you are still in control and not just waiting around in case he calls you back, unsure whether or not he got the message at all. On the other hand, if he has got a phone which shows missed calls' numbers, he might start to think you are a nutter if you try too many times; you could do 141. I think you should call early evening, after he has had time to get home from work, and try both numbers. The book says that it is polite to wait a few days before calling, so as not to seem too aggressive, but in time to arrange to meet at the weekend - but I am not sure about that because it depends what you said when you took his number. Since you are supposed to be getting lots of men's numbers (and he may be doing the same) you are supposed to give him a break when you call by introducing yourself again (Hi, I'm salt, we met on Saturday night at such and such a place), rather than risking spoiling the whole conversation because he is confused who you are (if he has got a life he is presumably not waiting by the phone for your call). What is this guy like, and what letter are you going to call him?! I have got lots of leaflets about fun events going on in London, and quite looking forward to asking various men to go with me! Salt, do you want to go to a 3-hour intensive total beginners' salsa workshop on a Sunday afternoon?

Well I decided on sending a text message to both numbers, a bit informal I know but thought well I just wouldn't hear back from the wrong number.

I took the initiative and just asked out right if he wanted to go for a drink sometime... he has suggested Friday but I'm already out Wednesday and Saturday night and I'm absolutely on the boundry of my overdraft, so I want to suggest another day but do you think the weekend after is too far away?

OOP - With regard to your other thread I think it is natural (and right) to feel cautious of bringing new men into childrens live but at the end of the day (and I'm trying to be honest) you never really can tell. Non of us would deliberately put our children at risk. You're an intelligent and confident woman, I'm sure your 6 sense and common sense will work just fine in keeping you and your children safe.

I think you should call him and speak to him, explain the situation, and suggest you could combine a quick drink with him on one of the nights you are already going out, eg see him for an hour or so before leaving to meet your other friends? That makes you look sociable but also sensible financially and not desperate to see him at any cost. Probably he is not free on the other days, which is why he suggested Friday, but then it will be him postponing till the next weekend, rather than you, because it is a bit funny for you to be contacting him and then turning out not to be free any night this week. About the other issue, you are right about 6th sense, but I also suspect that creepy types hate and avoid assertive women anyway. I suppose that just as nice intelligent men understand why you don't want to accept a lift, tell them where you live, and so on early on, they would also understand why you were protective about your children.

Well 'A' got back from holiday yesterday and phoned me last night, which I was quite impressed by as I wasn't expecting him to call at all for days.

Still no definite date to go out though so I've been quite forward again by suggesting I go to his (he came to see me last time) and I've given him 2 different weekends that I am free so if he can't make any of those dates then that's made my decision - he won't even get the last chance he begged for!

OOP - Did you go for lunch with either of those men you mentioned?

Went out last night with a guy I used to go to school with. We've known each other about 15 years and there's always been a bit of tension...

Anyway, we were walking back to my place from the pub messing about (pushing each other and taking the piss - very mature I know) and he nudged me down this little alley pinned me against the wall and KISSED me - he actually kissed me!! 15 YEARS I've been waiting for that, 15 YEARS!!!! It was a very sexy moment but the kissing was such a let down I feel cheated

All those years of wondering/fantasising. It's not fair!

But do you like him? How well do you know him? Is he single? What happened afterwards...?

Fancy the pants off him! and yes he's single.

I used to know him really well but he's changed over the last 5-6 years and now barely talks about anything personal, it's tragic, he used to be such a lovely guy but he never seems happy anymore. I've tried to help before but he just shirks it off so I don't probe anymore. We live really different lifestyles and they're not compatible.

After we kissed we just carried on as before - like nothing had happened.

Maybe we both felt a bit let down by the whole experience.

What news from the weekend? No news here, except I have been getting out lots and having a good time. All I have managed to do is develop better business relationships with the potentially interesting clients!! I also invited all and sundry to huge party next month, including workaholic boring friendoffriendoffriend, who had not contacted me again after our date. Got email from him saying he was sorry he had not been in touch, but had been busy working (!) and wants to bake me a cake to bring to the party. How come you are getting all this kissing and all I am getting is apologies from men who are working all the time?