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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Wonderful World of Dating - 'Salts' Diary

190 replies

salt · 17/11/2003 16:19

Due to popular demand, Well actually the demand of Codswollop you will now ALL be able to follow me through this epic adventure in life.

Roll up, Roll up for this ONCE in a lifetime opportunity and follow me in this no-holds barred, hopefully colourful and VERY detailed diary of my dating experiences...

... I'll tell all, I promise.

OP posts:
codswallop · 26/11/2003 18:06

never trust a man wiht no mobile - how odd

fio2 · 26/11/2003 18:47

can you trust a woman without a mobile?

Forestfly · 26/11/2003 18:49

Can you trust men with mobiles?

motherinferior · 27/11/2003 09:24

I've just learned that partnered blokes are best avoided.

Except my own dp of course

salt · 27/11/2003 09:49

MotherInferior - tell more.

Another diary entry... I slept with one of my friends last night, I am a BAD girl!!

OP posts:
salt · 27/11/2003 12:27

Well I thought "A" would probably be back in the office today and so have been secretly hoping for a mail this morning. non have arrived. me= As of midday today I have offically given up on "A", he's blown it even if he does get in touch!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 27/11/2003 12:30

Message withdrawn

salt · 27/11/2003 12:40

Twinkie - no sleeping with friend is bad, we've been doing it occasionally for years now (4 or 5 roughly). Think I might have mentioned before, that I really liked him but he got himself a girlfriend so I refused to, then gave in, then refused, then gave in, then refused... you get the picture.

Am not pleased with self today and am v. fed up about "A". How could he not want me?!?! not want ME... with my model height and looks, pert breasts, firm bot, flat tum, sleek hair and amzing wit, charm and all-round fantastic personality ... "A"= Fool!!!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 27/11/2003 12:45

Message withdrawn

salt · 27/11/2003 12:51

shire horse lol

Just found out my neighbour heard too, fan-bloody-tastic! that's what happens when you're neighbour is the best friend of your best friends boyfriend!!!

OP posts:
salt · 27/11/2003 13:01

Oh god just got a mai lfrom "A" can I forgive him the hour?!??!

OP posts:
Twinkie · 27/11/2003 13:06

Message withdrawn

salt · 27/11/2003 13:07

No mention of meeting up again?!?!

just an update on what he's been up to followed by a 'how are you?'

maybe he's just busy though eh?!?

OP posts:
Twinkie · 27/11/2003 13:10

Message withdrawn

outofpractice · 27/11/2003 13:16

Salt, it is so nice actually to have a friend who is still single! All mine seem to have been attached for years. Don't go and get a boyfriend too soon! I rang up friend of friend of friend and he said he had emailed me 2 days ago, and did not want to call and hassle me in case I had changed my mind, so he was pleased I had called, and I don't think he was lying because he suggested time and venue. Unfortunately in the meantime I have found his work website on the internet, and he is very clever and successful, but his work is so boring! Have to keep telling myself that someone going to my work website would probably not find it exciting either. Salt, do be careful with friend. I can't sleep with a friend like that without getting very attached, and upset that he is not my boyfriend. Has he still got a girlfriend?

salt · 27/11/2003 13:28

Outofpractice - great news about your guy. Don't worry that his work is boring. My work is incredibly boring so I just make sure I don't talk about it too much! Am v. excited for you - when is date?

my friend is still attached, said friend has broken my heart on numerous occassions but we have been through so much together, he really is one of my best friends... and he can't half push my buttons

Am off to mail "A" now...

OP posts:
outofpractice · 27/11/2003 14:22

Salt, what I really want to know is how far "slightly further" with A things went! Do tell. I am seeing this guy on Friday and then going on to a party, where someone I have known vaguely for years will be, whom I sometimes bump into, who asked me for my email last time (but didn't email me), but I don't know whether it was only to keep in touch as a professional contact. Also, maybe I would rather have him as a friend then sexualise a friendly acquaintance. An old good friend will also be at the party whom I periodically think of getting involved with (never spoken by either side but possibility hanging there whenever we are both single at the same time) however I don't think I could cope with his bisexuality, although in recent years he has only had girlfriends. Anyway, having possibilities is so much more interesting than making a list of all the attractive married men you know - we had better make sure there is a steady flow of single men to date, so that we avoid getting attached to the wrong ones this time around.

outofpractice · 27/11/2003 14:26

There is a freudian slip, containing the answer - I meant to say that I would rather keep him as a friend "than" sexualise a friendly acquaintance. My assertive dating guidebook says that if you like a man but for some strange reason he is not jumping at the chance to date you, you should always make him into a friend, rather than close the whole thing off.

salt · 27/11/2003 15:12

Excellent an 'Assertive dating book'... I've never seen anything like that before.

It sounds like you have plenty of potentials and plenty of social engagements. I'm looking forward to reading your posts over the next few weeks

Personally I don't think bisexuality is a problem as long as he's good about fidelity AND isn't that sexual tension great... when you know you both fancy each other... fantastic feeling!

Ps. Can I just say 'too' far for a first date

OP posts:
motherinferior · 29/11/2003 19:24

Er..partnered blokes...well, IME (some time ago now) there are quite a few around who'd just like a bit on the side. And sometimes it's very tempting to be that bit. And then it all ends in tears

aloha · 29/11/2003 20:14

My dh doesn't have a mobile. He's incredibly trustworthy. He just doesn't like being on call all the time.

outofpractice · 01/12/2003 12:33

I had a really good weekend, and after the date went to a party where I met lots of new people, including a few single men, one of whom I want to introduce to my friend, and one of whom I need to find out whether his girlfriend is serious or casual. I also had a really good chat with an old friend I had lost touch with who is doing the same dating saga, and we agreed to go out more, and she said she would put me in touch with anyone she has met who might suit me, and vice versa. The date on Friday was very courteous, quite interesting, and quite attractive, but I was really put off because he seems to have no interests apart from work. All he was doing all weekend and all Xmas holiday was working and seeing his parents. He said all his friends are married and he does not like going out on his own, however, I am in the same boat but it does not stop me. Various friends at the party later said they were like that too, and I should not criticise someone who works all the time, because I have an abnormally active social life. But I can't imagine having a serious relationship with someone who just expects to come home and hang around every evening and all weekend. Anyway, I said I would like to meet again in a friendly way, but only if he suggests something to do, eg concert, exhibition, as it is his turn.

salt · 01/12/2003 12:43

Good start though OutofPractice. What's the status now, you must have a few dates in the pipeline?!?!

Need to ask you also - how do you get out so much, do you have a regular babysitter or the child(ren)s dad? By the way - I work all the time at the moment but it's only because I have nothing better to do with my time.

Your weekend was certainly more eventful than mine. Although after again giving up on "A" he rang unexpectedly last night and was really full on... not sure what his game is at all.

Date with "L" is this Saturday...

OP posts:
outofpractice · 01/12/2003 13:01

I belong to a really expensive babysitting agency through ds's nursery, but the sitters are really good and I can relax knowing ds is safe. I have just gritted my teeth and decided that now is the time when I have to save money and invest it in my social life. I want to try and go out once a week next year, if I can afford it. I drink as little as possible because I can't afford it any more, and I am afraid that I am quite stingy about buying rounds, and I always accept politely if men offer to pay, because, after all, I have paid £30 babysitting just to be there with him. Either that, or I can't afford to go out regularly. The minimum period is 4 hrs, and you have to pay a cab home after 11 pm, which is £20+, so my whole social life takes place between 7 pm and 11 pm very sharp, about 2-3 times / month. However, I am really opportunistic if circumstances permit. Mum was down this weekend, so I stayed out till 2 am! If I have to get a babysitter for a work function, then I use every minute by arranging to go out with friends before or afterwards. Ds and I are generally out and about at the weekend to picnics, museums, galleries, etc and I always email 5-6 friends, and often a few come along. I also think that I have to entertain more. I always feel really embarrassed about my tiny flat, and get worried about the expense, but actually, people don't seem to mind things like sitting on a cushion on the floor, having plastic cups, and being asked to bring a bottle, if the party is good. I have also decided that because I can't really have a boozy evening party at home with ds around, I just have to go for daytime things. I emailed everyone I met at the party whom I liked, and said I'd be in touch later because I was having a party in January! Planned it all in my mind, and now I think maybe I should just invite the charity event guy to that, instead of an intense date. So, I am waiting to see if friend of friend of friend gets in touch with some suggestion of where to go, and I have made email contact with various others, whom I will hope to see at my party in January. Who does your babysitting? I am quite keen on the idea of dating lots of men without anything getting too intense (because then you can't think straight, and also I think it's wrong to two-time) - it makes each date less of a big deal, and you feel that it will be OK if he just wants to be friends rather than go crazy about you. However, dating lots of men and not getting het up about any one is a new skill for me to learn!

salt · 02/12/2003 09:07

Well I'm having my first thoroughly fed up with dating day. I decided last night to give "A" the elbow... those alarm bells kept ringing and I don't know what it is that's 'not-quite-right' but it's definitely something.

So anyway, I sent him a text message last night that it'll be quite difficult to reply to without telling me something. Although I did like him I'm bored of his game already so I think I will be best if he doesn't reply... Am however secretly hoping that he does reliy and tells me what's going on. The really annoying thing is I don't quite know why I liked him so much, "L" was MUCH better looking and far more chatty but just seemed to click with "A" oh well... some you win...

Does anyone have any First Date horror stories to cheer me up with?!?! comical rather than horror I guess

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