The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

and yes, like postbel says, we have all been there before ( plenty of times)

No we don't think that Sponge, and we've all been there. I guess he was being polite and didn't want to come across as a horrible person who ignores people. He might even want to keep the option of a light hearted friendship.

I've done the same thing with men I've met, even though I haven't wanted to see them again I wouldn't tell them straight, but gently stop contact. It's horrible to be ignored and I wouldn't do it.

Sorry but you've actually all made me feel really shitty about myself like I'm some total idiot who doesn't have a clue. When actually I do.

But you know, clearly I'm not good enough to get a man actually interested in me. Clearly I'm wrong about everything and so are the people who read his messages. There are enough people in RL who constantly want to make me feel shit about myself, I don't need it on here as well.

That's me done.

sponge - sorry you feel that way. We have all posted daily, seeing how you are, seeing how you are feeling, supporting you.. so thats kind of harsh to say that actually.

Everyone has said that we dont mean it in that way at all. We have all clearly said its him thats being weird. not you. Also, not getting a call back from one random internet man, who you only shared a few hours with, does not make you unattractive, or horrible or not worthy. He is just one person, who actually means nothing. It shouldnt be you trying to get someone interested in you, its them who should be trying to impress you. You have no reason to feel shit. None at all. Look at me with my fucking 23 or whatever dates last year, how many did i hear back from - not fucking many, thats what - is it me. fuck no :)
just not the right person.

i dont know why you are taking it that people are all saying that about you, i cant see any posts indicating that at all. Everyone has been supporting you.

sponge! no! Not at all - and I'm really sorry if it looks like we're being arsey. I've been there exactly over the last few weeks, I had a weird little period of self-doubt that I neatly parcelled away and forgot about and I am now in the place that it is absolutely not me (and therefore subsequently it isn't you...) it's them. I thought I was absolutely clued up, careful, wise and I still got played. it happens.

I am independent, creative, smart and funny, I have a brilliant job, I have amazing children, I am an absolute catch and extremely modest and if men don't like that that is their problem. it really isn't mine.

I would rather someone you like turns out to be uncommunicative and awkward or whatever the hell he is now than in 6 weeks, months or years time. just because this one doesn't like you, doesn't mean someone else won't.

As a veteran of POF I wouldn't take anything too personally.It's basically a huge supermarket with people being the commodity.You take your trolley down an aisle and start placing items in,when you get to the next aisle you notice something similar that looks better value,so you you remove your original choice and replace it with the new one.This happens ad infinitum.Given the place is open 24/7 365 days a year you never actually reach the checkout.All good fun and a great character builder but not for the faint hearted.

Oh dear. So sorry you feel that way Sponge - was certainly never my intention to make you think anything other than that sometimes this stuff happens - regardless of how completely fab you are!

absolutley what snape says.

We all know its totally normal to have a bit of self doubt after a date if it goes a bit weird, or thngs like this happen - its natural to do so :) we all do it.

We are all trying to tell you its not you, its him. It really is and you dont want to be involved with somone who isnt interested in you, you deserve way more than that.

Doesnt matter how clued up you are, or savvy, or wise, or whatever, we all get taken for a bit of a ride sometimes, or just cant see the wood for the trees, which is why this board is so good.

Sponge, please, please don't let a guy who you spent a few hours with create so much angst. Internet dating is really brutal sometimes and it's hard for anyone to second guess these men, we can only offer the advice that if he isn't communicating and until resurfaces (which he might still do), write him off.

I don't like overcommunicating when I first meet someone but find that men won't keep you guessing if they are interested, they love the chase. They might not be texting constantly and might leave it a day or two which is healthy as it gives you chance to see if you care or not.

You are not unattractive, I've seen photos and a video of you!

Sponge Don't know what to say really... Sorry you're feeling shit.

FWIW I think the nature of internet dating leads to perhaps a more cynical view of things because there are so many players out there. But there are a few that buck the trend. I don't know why your guy has vanished, or even if he has really (I don't mean you're lying but that maybe he hasn't actually vanished, maybe he thought the conversation was at an end or ran out of credit or whatever) but I do think that whatever advice you have been given on here was well intentioned and don't think anyone meant to patronise you or imply you were naive. Please don't stop posting.

Or maybe he run out of credit?? Anyone considered that??

God men (or should I call them boys) do my head in. Potential 1st date with the 30 year old has gone tits up tonight. Constant contact for 2 weeks discussing how much we are looking forward to meeting and then no contact yesterday and today. I txd him with 'are we still meeting tonight?' with no response. Just dont get it . Why dont they just tell you the truth?

Call them boys Seaside:)
how annoying, how very rude!!
all that wasted energy with texting and what have you.

I suspect it's best to assume that they are all twits until you've actually met them and they prove themselves not to be twits.

Make a little voodoo doll of him if you must but dont give him the satisfaction of any further contact.

Talk is cheap...or should I say text is cheap.
Until he puts his money where his mouth is it dont mean shit

Seasidegirly, all these men were raised by mothers and fathers. Perhaps some of the blame rests with the parents who brought their sons up to have poor opinions of women or to be totally dependent on women for their survival or maybe both !!!!!!

I would so understand it more if he said he'd met someone whos a better match or he had changed his mind. But ignoring me does my bloody head in. Grrr . No doubt he will get in touch next week and say his grandma was ill or his phone died .

well at least he showed his true stupid colours before you went to the effort of meeting him, give them a bit of rope and most of them hang themselves.

he's just a jerk, who even cares why he's a jerk, I'd forget him already

I await his piss poor excuse in the next few days

a few years ago a man contacted me (via text) about 9 or 10 months after he had gone silent on me.
I'd met him twice, once for a chat over a coffee and once for sex.
he made some lame excuse, I asked what had made him contact me after all this time.
He said 'we had good sex didnt we'
I didnt respond

I hope my silence spoke volumes

loves

SEX KLAXON!!

Live in hope ladies. I have had amazing spontaneous sexual activity with The Only Attractive Man on Match.com(tm)!!

This is not a stealth boast, it's an actual boast. I'm sorry everyone else is having a bit of a shit time and I totally empathise, but I hope this news cheers you all as it has done me.

Hooray for the resurrection of my sex life!!!!

Dingdingdingding! sex klaxon!

Well done, although it's maybe a little selfish to grab the only attractive man on an entire website! good for you DM! :)

Hi everyone, i'm really sorry to hear about some shitty behavior going on by the male population

I went on my second date with pof guy who I wasn't sure I fancied or not & this time he was wearing his suit as he'd come from work & he had the stubble that he had on his profile picture. Well - this made all the difference for me as both suits & stubble turn me on

This time at the end of the date I was more than happy to go for tongues & all & I've decided that I definitely DO fancy him!

He has invited me over on Sunday so lets see how sexy I find him without his suit on. (i mean in normal clothes - not butt naked!)

Judt quickly as on phone.

Dm... Wooohooooo!!!

Dd .... Wooohooooo!!!!

Date in an hour. Having q few body wobbles seeing ad.hes.a personnel yrainer... And, eelll, im.a cheese eater.

Will down rum and put on confident facade. Along with the most pushy up bra I have ( stuffed with chicken fillets) in an attempt to distract him.....

Well I seem to have got to the bottom of the disappearing 1st date. A mutual friend who knew him got in touch and sent me an email through fb by saying that he has a tendancy of chatting to girls and then messing them about as hes always on and off with his ex. Im so relieved that it wasnt me and it was him. Tosser. I will know what too say him to him when he dose get in touch now.

Seaside, the guy is always wrong, no matter what..thats the assumption that I work with and I'm sticking to it