The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

Hello all, absolutely tons to catch up on things have been more insane than ever here.

Including two men, met in RL not on dating sites, (still not bothering with online dating) both interested in me.

Anyway!

One has turned out to be married - deep sigh, sent him on his way. Nothing happened we were just chatting but something sparked my 'married' radar and he admitted it.

The other I've known vaguely for a while... he asked me out and I added him on facebook only to see is in a relationship with

FFS!

I wasn't exactly pleased and had a word with him. He said if he had known I would have been interested he'd have kept himself single for me. He still wanted to date - I said no, your gf seems to really love you and if you don't feel the same then stop stringing her along... and if you do then ffs stop chatting up other girls. He asked if it was so wrong and if two people have to be single to talk - I said no not to talk but you weren't just talking to me were you? He said yeah fair enough. Silence since, thank god.

Bunch o' cockheads!!!

Oh but on a happier note I have lost 19lb now and I'm still more than happy being a workaholic mad cat lady. So pffff to it all!

well done Lubey on the weight-loss. 'fuckmuppet' at the married and 'in- a- relationship- with' ones. ! :)

watch no, it isn't you. it's them. every single one of them, it's them, them, them.

If you're not bothered about a relationship and just want some shagging, maybe a cough specialist site might be an idea?

lubey - bunch of cocks. bag of dicks. What on earth is wrong with them? i just dont get it. Like i said, happens to me all the time. Literally a few days ago. and he was all like ' its new with her so it doesnt matter' urgh. But well done on the weight loss :) and glad you are doing well.

cheers snape. I would consider that, but im not sure ive got big enough balls.

also - the thing is, i can pick up a date quite easily, got chatting to someone yesterday and he asked me out, we have something arranged for when im next childfree, he made it clear hes looking for longterm, and questioned what i was after.
So, its not that i cant get a date, but can only be that im not what they think im going to be???

Just catching up but just wanted to say 'that's bloody crap of the teacher' Watch. Can't believe how awful some blokes are that they can lead you on loads, go out of there way to make you like them and then disappear.
Hope your OK. x

thanks zany - im not ok, but im sure i will be tomorrow :)

Just caught up.

It is definately them Watch and not you. You are funny, kind, attractive and a good Mum etc etc. Maybe they feel a bit intimidated because you are so independent. I have been told int he past that I give off this 'I don't need you' vibe which I see as being independent but maybe guys like to feel abit needed. Not saying you should change in any way, I know I won't, but its a possibility as to why they don't 'get you'.

I've had a shitty couple of days and feeling stupidly sorry for myself. Realise my self esteem is at rock bottom and its making me far too sensitive.

Well done on weight loss Lubey - looks like there are as many fuckmuppets in RL as online though

zany - there might be something in that. but then, to be honest. i couldnt give a crap :) if they are intimidated by me, fuck all i can do about it. The choice i have had is to be independent and live my life to the full, or to sit and wait for a man and waste my life in the meantime. and fuck that. Its also probably doesnt help that i was so very independent before becoming single ( again, not through choice, just circumstance. My ex husband once said to be, upon coming home from a weekends exercise to find i had built all the nursery furniture and set it all up, that i didnt ' need' him and he might as well just be a lodger' I still cant see the problem, i wanted the stuff sorting, he was away for the whole weekend, so i did it myself - he could have done it the week before but had been complaining about not wanting to do it. Not saying i wanted to do it myself, i would have loved him to do it, but he didnt want to, made a thing of it, so i just did it myself)

There are just as many fuckmuppets in rl as online, makes no difference.

Sorry you arent feeling good zany - whats up?

I get you Watch. I would have loved it if the men I was in previous relationships with would have got 'stuff' done like DIY, decorating etc but they didn't so I have always just gone ahead and done it myself rather than hang around waiting for them to do it.

Don't know whats wrong really, I guess the rose tinted glass's are off in my relationship with Mr Yacht. Not that anything is wrong just that I am starting to realise that the reality of it all is hitting home. I have 2 dc's (one of whom is quite protective and to be honest just wants me to himself), he has 2 dc's, one of whom is still a baby. He works shifts so every other week is at work until 10pm. It's just hard to try and find some time for us. It's becoming clearer that his ex is very controlling and his Mum seems just as bad.

He was round Saturday night with his DC's which was lovely, he then dropped them off Sunday morning and I have to admit I just presumed he would then spend the day with us seen as I won't see him all week but he arranged to take his Mum out for dinner as she was upset at the thought that he might live with me in the future, once again I wasn't invited as she doesn't want to meet me yet. I know I'm probably being unreasonable but I felt really upset.

Sorry to whaffle on

dont appoligise for waffling, ive just done a ton of it ;)
Plus, thats what we are here for.

The dynamics are always going to be difficult when two people have children. Then when you add in work, and friends and family committments, well, its very very hard. Its not like when you are 20, and have no responsibilities.

Do you think its worth slowing it down abit? So your children can get more used to the idea ( because, in the long run, it would be better if they felt positive about it) and so his mother can get used to the idea too?
Obviously hes got a very very young child, so his break up is quite recent, they might just not be open to the idea of whats happening? I would be upset about not being invited too, i understand, but then can see it from their side too.

I can see what you mean about slowing down a bit. I thought I was taking things slow in that I usually see him when my dc's aren't here and then maybe in evening when they are here, thought I was taking it slow in that they only saw him once a week but that might be giving them conflicting views if they have heard me talk to family about how serious it is.

I don't think his Mum will get used to the idea. They split early last summer and then I met him at the end of October.

I'm sure relationships never used to be this hard.

Zany, I know how it feels when you have a DC that is possessive. I put my DD first for many years. I did have relationships but when push comes to shove the DC's come first in a single mums life. I'm sure it will all work out in the end if it's meant to be.

Watch, read what poppa said and don't be down on yourself. This new guy sounds nice and who knows, he might turn out to be someone significant in your life.

I have tiled my own kitchen floor when I couldn't afford to employ someone. I didn't do too bad a job on it but it's not the first thing I tell a new man. :)

I seem to have moved on with my ex FWB to a regular thing, which is what I wanted to happen. He is my fantasy man really so I am ignoring the fact that it won't lead to moving in etc, because it suits me.

Then its quite a big jump for them to go from only seeing him maybe once a week, to thinking about living with him.

Could you not spend some weekends, dinners, family outings all together, over a period of time? I can understand how they must be feeling.

Thats also only a 6 month or so gap between a serious relationship ending and meeting someone and less than 6 months on from that talking about moving in.
Im not trying to be rude or mean, please dont think that. But just that his mum might not be open to it all, if the end of the relationship was a shock to her?

relationships arent hard when you are younger. Im sure thats why its so much harder and why so many of us are single for so long. if it was just a case of going to the pub, having a snog, and then you are sort of dating, then its easy. it just doesnt work like that when you have children/ family/ baggage/ someone to think of other than yourself.

adams - i dont go telling them that :) but i supose if we are just generally talking about things, say travelling, then i have a big list of stuff, then if we are talking about somethng else, and i have a big list, and then something else, and so on - maybe that can be intimidating??
I know some mums at the school gate are like that to me, they are like' what are you doing this weekend' and ill be ' we are off to so and so, to do this' and they are normally aghast and say they cant belive im going on my own with DD. or that its far, or amazing what i do. I dont think it is at all,and think they are daft for thinking so.

But, i dont care, if someone has a problem with me being like that, then im not going to want to date them, am i.

I see what your saying Watch, looking at it a bit more I probably have invoved him a bit more in family stuff, ie having dinner with my parents etc and talking about camping trips when its warmer. Feels a bit like a juggling act and my DS in particular is very unhappy about his Dad's girlfriend so although I want to keep arranging things with Mr Yacht there I'm worried that my DS will not be happy with it. Ahhhh just all so frustrating.

Snape Will be interesting to see how your PM responds to your new love interest

I remember taking DD on holiday abroad on my own when she was 5 and everyone was saying how brave I was. It was the start of lots of fabulous holiday we mostly went on just the 2 of us. It's great to get out and about together.

My only downfall was the detesting of motorway driving but I forced myself to do it or it would have limited us. I would gladly be driven around by a man if it involves the M6.

I hardly ever drove when I was with my XH. I was too nervous to drive on the motorway or on holiday so just let him do it. Now I absolutley love driving and have driven abroad loads times including a 10 lane highway in Canada which is alot easier than you think. Guys don't seem to like this as they see driving as a macho thing. Tough

exacally adams - we do lots and lots, and i cant think why i wouldnt. If thats a sign of being too independent, then fuck it :)

Zany - it must be really difficult, esp if your ds is having problems with your ex's gf too. he must feel a little bit that all that he consideres to be ' safe' is at risk. How about some low key, short, casual meetings, out of the house. Just stuff like the park, cinema, bike rides? just so your ds can get to know mr yacht on his own terms, without being protective of you or feeling threatened?

He often comes home in tears after being with his Dad when his girlfriend is there, breaks my heart. XH won't talk to me about it but I have sent an email trying to explain how our DS feels as he is not good at listening to the DC's and text him when he is upset, the last couple of weeks have been a bit better but it makes me even more aware of his feeling when it comes to Mr Yacht. Saying that my DS does like him but is just worried that I will push him out like his Dad has. Will be OK in the end just taking lots of (exhausting) tlc and reassurance.

Realise most of the time they have seen him has been at the house as I've been feeling too broke to go out much, will try and change that expecially now that spring is on the way [hopeful of a hot summer emotion]

*lubey" - 19lbs! Great work kiddo!

zany - please don't think I'm being negative, but if he was only single for 6 months then this is his rebound relationship and they're usually intense and often end in tears. I married #2 on the rebound and it was a trainwreck.

ah - poor him, its understandable though, isnt it.

Doesnt have to cost any money though, what do they like thats free? how old is he? Walk with the dog - flask of hot choc and cakes? park? scate park? beach? in car picnic and geocatching?

well, it's be independent or never do anything (or worse still, pay someone to do it!) My mum was a single parent, I was brought up to believe that I can set my mind to anything and do anything at all if there is a book written on it - so I put up shelves, decorate, clean out gutters, drive 600 miles in a day on occasion, cope with things single handed. I don't need anyone to do anything for me. maybe they don't like that... It would be difficult to change after being single for so long.

yeah, PM not really the jealous type I think - we've had a few texts about it - he seems to be saying go for it. I'm saying i've forgotten how to do it and it will clearly therefore be a disaster (except it won't, because as far as I can actually remember, I'm actually a brilliant shag. )

whens the deed happening?

I honestly don't thimk its a rebound relationship for him Poppa