How to kick start my relationship with my wife?

[CptCaveman]

Help mumsneters I'm a married man of over 10 years with two young boys and my relationship with my wife has evapourated! I think I switched off after the 2nd child as we both put so much into our children.

I need to put more energy into our relationship and less so into the children.

My wife says that she needs to be cherished, loved and nurchured.

What are you top 5 ways of feeling cherished, loved and nurchured?

CptCaveman glad to hear the mission went well. Now, let's get down to business. What have you got planned for Valentine's Day? One week today. T minus 7 and counting . . .

let's hope there isn't any football matches on...

the footy was on

Oh dear. Footy is of zero importance compared to your relationship with your wife. Did you know that?

In fact you know what? If you want to really impress her, plan to take her out for a romantic meal on a night when your team are playing a crucial cup tie or summat. Then she'll know you're serious.

oh, I dunno...

DH doesn't get much a look-in when Wimbledon is on

And stay off the text updates for the match!

Cross-post AF. Well, I suppose you have a point. Don't really get the sport thing myself.

Ok SonofAradia just turned down tickets for the match on Saturday and booked a table out! Things going ok . Just checking for threads saying "Husband acting wierd he's paying me too much attention" from my wife who's always browsing Mumsnet.!!

Ok SonofAradia just turned down tickets for the match on Saturday and booked a table out!

Excellent work that man! I'm sure she'll really appreciate it :)

Loving your work CC

Blimey I have had enough of being nurtured and cherished - I want to be taken roughly over the dining table!!

Maybe she wants to feel young and sexy and wanted rather than nearing 40 and wobbly!! (that's just me then!!)

Is it the lovey dovey she wants??

"feathery strokers" do "nurturing and cherishing"

God noooooooooo

Feathery strokers also do taking roughly over the dining table - Oh Yes.
I'm all for it.

But over the JL table of the NEXT table???

Neither, they were both hideous .

Wobbly had some thoughtful suggestions.

But I can't help bristling at the 'beloved animal' remark and the 'Women want to be talked to, to have their involved stories about who said what to be listened to, and to be touched.' Are the type of funny little stories we tell only about 'who said what'? Is that because we've been at home all day, doing housework and gossiping with the gals?

I think most people like to be talked and listened to. Regardless of whether their gender or topic of conversation.

Oops, bristly reaction is 5 pages too late. Sorry folks.

Well, well I've been avoiding this thread as I assumed it would turn out to be from some entitled whinger and full of shouty replies! Just goes to show you should never assume, eh?!

What an encouraging story so far - glad you're putting all this good advice into practice, Cap'n! Can't wait to see how things go. Congrats on swapping this week's footy for your relationship - have a nice time :)

PS: "Different strokes for different strokes". I like wobbly's long, gentle strokes but can't stand feathery. Some prefer it.

"If my husband started stroking like he would a beloved animal whenever we were having a chat i would think he had taken leave of his senses."

OK sorry I used the creepy word stroking. Lets use the word non-sexual physical touch... is that all right with you all????

That was said with regard to the British obsession with animals. Which is seen as quite eccentric by other nations. Why are we s into our animals, but not eachother?

Hmmmm? Why do we touch and STROKE them so much, pouring love and attention into them and not our fellow supposedly beloved humans?

Perhaps you might concede that point or is it too much to ask!

sorry, "Different strokes for different folks", obv.

And YY, wobbly.

From a happy wife:

"He offers me massages.
He will find something good to watch on iplayer or ilovefilm, make me a cup of green tea, bring the body lotion and give my back a lovely 30-40 minute massage. Or, he will just gently pull up my trousers and give me a foot rub while watching.

He will hug me and kiss me spontaneously.

He says "hey gorgeous" and smiles at regular basis.

He sometimes pinches my bottom then pull me in for a hug (I dont mind the politically incorrect bottom pinch ) (He never "oinks" my breasts)"

Gees, all that fucking STROKING. Creepy, innit. (You lucky girl, I wish! But I do love my breasts being touched in a decidedly sexual way....)

You taking the piss of me, eh eh?

Captain Caveman,
Have just read your post & think that its great that you are showing some initiative FWIW.
I dont think any wife wants to be asked how to improve things, would look so much better and more caring if you take the initiative.
I agree that only you might know what she likes... but all of the above. Just think back to your early days together, what you did together. the little spontaneous acts. Texting her to say you love her.
I think that being married sometimes with DCs you forget about the 2 of you... just try to rekindle the desire for each other. Small acts,considerate things, just a night out for the 2 of you. Its not all about just trying to have sex whenever the opportunity arises, I think a lot of mums lose their sexiness because they 'just' feel that they are mums now.
DHs need to reassure their wives that they are loved for themselves, not as mums.