how could he :(

[chocoraisin]

I've just come 'home' after staying with my parents for a month, having found out about the OW the week after NY. I'm 17 weeks pg, with an 18mo DS.

So I'm back at the place I have shared with H for nearly 4 years, and our neighbours (who are lovely and devastated on mine and DS's behalf) brought me pizza for tea to be supportive. I stupidly asked them if she had been seen here. H has sworn blind he wouldn't do anything in our home. I know I shouldn't have asked, think I was stupid enough to be looking for reassurance.

Apparently they regularly see her leaving in the morning in the month I've been away. AND heard them having sex. My neighbour could have sugar coated it, but to be fair, I asked and she was so embarrassed and upset for me I know it was one of those 'oh god she put me on the spot, crap I'll just blurt it out' moments, not said to hurt me.

We share a one bed flat. He has had sex with her in our bed. Next to our sons cot. Below our wedding photo on the wall. And she knows I'm pregnant.

How could he? Never mind what kind of a skank she must be to be ok with that. He has been texting/calling this month acting like we can be instant best friends... and perfect 'coparents'... but my trust in him is shattered. I hate the thought of being near him. I literally feel sick about having no option but to sleep in that bed tonight.

I don't know what to do :( I just need some hand holding tonight please.

To top it off, DS is exhausted but after a month away won't settle in his cot and just shrieks when I put him down so I'm looking at another long, broken night. 'Daddy' is due to visit tomorrow for his contact time.

I can't believe what's happened to my life :(

also be sure to (and you don't have to use the exact same language as this...) make it clear you are looking forward to the next lucky man's cock inside you

and while he is doing the McDonalds Daddy shtick, you will be using your free time to entertain yourself in whatever way you see fit

lol AF I would love to say that!! DP I know you're right.

Work is very slow, as I have bugger all in place to actually work on but I have a meeting in 20mins to sort that out with my boss.

Just needed to come along and vent a bit, as I just had a really bleurgh email from H - fully the guilt talking - about how sorry/sad he is, and how he'll never forgive himself etc etc and will take on the chin anything I throw at him... yep, it's all still about him then. Not surprising. I will maintain a dignified silence until I can reply without telling him to pull himself together.

< deletes draft email with definitions of Guilt v Remorse Guilt:an icky state of mind that means you feel crap, tends to be expressed in victim terminology. Remorse:the desire to do what you can through actions to right a wrong you have committed, and to demonstrate your sadness and guilt to another person>

humbug.

Sounds like you are still coping - if I were you, I would not bother replying and ignore his pathetic attempts at being sorry.

You don't need to dignify that e-mail with a responds at all.

You don't owe him anything.

The fact that he is looking forward to wallowing in his guilt on Friday is all the more reason not to give him any grief about what a shit he's been.

Not because it's not true, but because it's so obvious there's no need to point it out.

You know it, all your friends and family know it, and one day your children will know it.

He probably never will.

Hi Chocoraisin,

Think you're doing brilliantly. There are no words for what your H is. I agree with Mad - ignore him. It will drive him insane - someone like him needs an audience. He will keep doing this to you unless you show him you're not going to engage to his timetable. In fact, unless it is about contact with your DS, completely ignore him.

Big hugs to you.
X

Chocoraisin you are so much stronger than you think

PM me re legal stuff, I can give you some advice or recommend a good lawyer on your area. Although I'm on mat leave with my 5 wk old so may need time to reply

He'll 'take on the chin' whatever you throw at him? How about a brick or one of your ds's reeeeally foulest nappies??

What a pathetic creature. You really are doing brilliantly choco.

Do not let him break you down with the guilt stuff, you're feeling very vulnerable right now and he knows it and is playing on it.

I think you should consider attending the counselling session, as hard as it may be to keep your emotions in check once you're actually sitting there. Think of all of us while you read out what you want to say to him! Let him be in no doubt as to the devastation he has caused. Make it as succinct as possible and put a positive spin on how you plan to move forward and look to the future with your children.

Stay strong.

thank you Rainbow I will do when I get home x

and thank you for all the encouragement. Still haven't replied, and I'll take the advice - when I do I'll ignore everything he said other than the stuff about seeing DS this week, and be factual, calm etc. It doesn't merit an answer anyway.

Marquise now I've got a mental image of you all in american cheerleader outfits, pom poms waving and legs kicking, shouting 'Go Choco!' LOL - that'll keep me going when I feel too wobbly/upset to speak to him!

"Teeeeeeeam Chocco! Woot!"

But seriously, keep that mental image for light relief. I imagine light relief must be hard to come by right now. Your cheer squad will be more than happy to provide it I'm sure x

I can do pom-poms too

pom poms with tassles on.......shaking in support..............

Bags top of human pyramid! :o

hahaha you guys are fab, thank you!!

< slathers on the anti cellulite cream >

Give us a 'C'......

Give us an 'H'...

LOL

*sigh. Bit the bullet and replied, ignoring everything bar the stuff about DS. Gave a brief update re: how he is but no more. I'm going to drive him mad by being incredibly reasonable and normal when it comes to DS and just not taking the bait on anything else... it's about all I have left in my control I guess. Why is it so bloody hard to be the grown up? It literally wipes me out.

DC2 is kicking me a merry jig tonight though which has cheered me up. Hard to be truly lonely when your tummy is full of baby. Here's to a good night sleep with my babies, fingers crossed for DS to sleep through!!

The one thing I did with my ex was to just be very straight on subjects like my DD and ignore everything else, it does wipe you out but just try and get some sleep and look after yourself and the babies!!

I hope yyour DS sleeps through tonight for you!

Good luck with everything, you are being so strong and doing so well! Keep it up hun! X

...give us an "O"...

... give us a "C"...

Just catching up with things and I think you're amazing Choco. Good luck for Friday and remember we're all with you in spirit.