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Original poster

who are these freaks whao have affairs with married men

250 replies

cod · 20/01/2006 12:04

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OP posts:
Pfer · 20/01/2006 15:02

expat - i went out with a guy who's wife had left him. they had a kid together who stayed with us every other weekend and it was awful! I was very young and though I liked kids I knew it wasn't my place to be telling him what he could and couldn't do etc. It didn't feel right.

There were no lies there though.

Tourquoise I was one of the desperately needy ones and am ashamed of myself, not only because I did it, but also because I'd let myself get low enough to get into that situation.

I do feel though that the married man is a little more to blame than the mistress. He's already committed, he has to be stronger.

Heathcliffscathy · 20/01/2006 15:09

it's just occurred to me: the appeal is exactly that of being a married man for most 'mistresses'. no housework, no having to deal with the kids most of the time, lovely nights out, good sex etc etc.

the role of 'mistress' is the one that is the closest that a woman used to be (still is in many cases) able to get to being in the position of a married man in terms of financial independence, and not being expected to run round after not only children but the husband....

SenoraPostrophe · 20/01/2006 15:14

I am in the sophable-caligula party.

I would have replied sooner along similar lines, but had to read everything. In fact I am still absolutely shocked at the idea that the women in mistress/married men relationships are "worse". Jesus - I thought we had left the idea that men are helpless victims of their own libidos behind over half a century ago?

Blandmum · 20/01/2006 15:15

Hell Teacth, who wants to have a realtionship with a man who you know from the outset is a lier and a cheat?

ididittoo · 20/01/2006 15:41

I had an (almost) affair once. I was married at the time, he was too, he had a young DS. I was going thru a v bad patch in my marriage (no, doesn't excuse it). Although I was, with the help of a (female)friend trying to go over my options (I wanted a child DH didn't & as a consequence we weren't sleeping together as he didn't trust me not to get pg) A male friend of the friend coaxed me into getting closer to him, showing me the attention etc I wasn't getting at home, telling me that a man would be mad to refuse me anything, he took me to a friends birthday after DH refused & ended up kissing me as we sat in he car waiting for it to warm up. I didn't stop him, it didn't feel anything except some long over due attention. We text & met a couple of times, we went no further than kissing, we just didn't have the oppurtunity to do anything else. (for that, I thank god, but know it was no better) I came to my senses after he started to get very pushy about me leaving DH. I put a stop to it. He told his wife & I told my DH. He told his wife that he would leave her for me if that's what I wanted, I stopped having ANY contact with him. Repaired my marriage & now have a beautiful DD who both me & hubby love. He stayed with his wife & they went on to have another child. I wasn't the first he tried to get in the sack with, he tried it on with another friend, but she was stronger than me.

Whilest I was pg, I bumbed into him in a nightclub. He told my friend that he was still madly in love with me & would leave his wife if I wanted him to. We told him to P* off & threatened to tell his wife.

I am sorry for the pain I caused, he isn't. I believe he has cheated on his wife since, but she is still with him.

Men are manipulative, very. He still carried on texting me, asking me to leave DH, I had to change my number in the end.

I was no better than him, but I think we shouldn't only chastise the women, but the men need to be held accountable too. It does take two, afterall. If my DH did anything like this I would kill them BOTH!!!

fuzzywuzzy · 20/01/2006 15:41

I can't accept that women are entirely to blame for male infidelity. Surely both parties are to blame for their part.

A few years back I was in Safeways (as was), and I looked up to find a man staring in my direction. Thought OK he probably want's something from the shelf behind me, and I moved down a different aisle. He followed me, there followed (I guess it would sound like a pretty comical) game of chase, he kept turning up into whicever aisle I was in. It genuinely freaked me out, and he kept staring at me.
Just as I was considering abandoning my shopping, I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen in a long time. She told me she was married now and had a child, I cooed over her baby, and then her husband turned up .... the man who'd been chasing me all over Safeways. And it wasn't innocent, as the look of shock on his face told me his buying habits weren't infact a mirror of mine, also his wife had the baby and shopping trolley. So OK not a tale of sordid infidelity, but my poor friend.

I've always thought women who do go for married men, purposely do so because they like the chase. And the fact that the person they want being attached makes the chase more exciting. I have seen women try to make eyes at dp, whilst he's pushing the buggy (with not one but two children), and I'm beside him.
The suggestive looks tend to go unnoticed, as dp is pretty tall, and he only looks at things on his eye level......I've always wondered what these women think will happen, do they think dp will abandon his wife and children in the middle of the high street and folllow a complete stranger home (no matter how toned a stomach she has??).

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 15:49

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OP posts:
Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 15:49

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OP posts:
compo · 20/01/2006 15:54

My best friend has been having an affair with a married man for about 5 years. He worked in her then office. When they first started up his wife was pregnant with their 2nd child. He maintains the conception of that child was the last time he had sex with his wife. What amazes me is that my friend believes this. The wife is also his 2nd wife (his first mistress) so he doesn't exactly have a good track record. He promises time and time again to leave but never does. M b/friend seems incapable of leaving him even though she's in her early thirties and in my mind wasting her life. She seems to beleive every sob story and sorry excuse he gives for not leaving. I guess love is the answer to your question Cod.

Original poster
cod · 20/01/2006 15:55

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OP posts:
Lacrimosa · 20/01/2006 15:57

I am one! I have been with dp for 9 years now and will be 10 years when we get married next June!

Mercy · 20/01/2006 16:08

Haven't read the whole thread but shortly after I got married, two men (one a colleague) made a pass at me. I discussed it with an older colleague and she said something along the lines that married people are considered fair game by some for an affair as they are much more likely to keep the relationship quiet and not make a fuss when it ends, compared to a single person. I was somewhat taken aback but I think it was an fair comment on what sometimes happens. Sex no strings basically.

Frieda · 20/01/2006 16:23

I don't think it's always black and white and every situation is different. I once found myself involved with a married man ? it was a long time ago and I was young and foolish (well, perhaps not that young, but certainly foolish . I was at a different stage in my life and certainly wasn't looking for a relationship, a bit like www. It was he who pursued me relentlessly, despite having a wife and two kids under 5. It didn't go on for very long because I soon came to lose my respect for him and was terrified his wife would find out, chuck him out and I'd be landed with him...
I'm not proud of what I did, but I certainly didn't throw myself at him.

Caligula · 20/01/2006 16:30

That was a great article. Brutal and true.

prettyfly1 · 20/01/2006 16:40

cod, i know you may not have been serious but i dare you to go on the lone parents thread and start a new one saying who wants to go out with someone with an exp, kids blah blah blah. only the very lucky or very sheltered enter adult life with no baggage and i for one dont think because i have a child and an ex that i am shop soiled goods.

ggglimpopo · 20/01/2006 16:41

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WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 16:49

I had a friend like that too, she's been with him over 8 years now (his wife was pg when I was pg with my 8yo ds and they have another) and he's NOT going to leave. Meanwhile she's over 40 now (not suggesting it means she can't have kids but hey), unmarried and childless. Which wouldn't be sad except that she desperately wanted kids and has had 4 abortions, all because the man concerned didn't want the baby (2 of them this married man, 2 another long term loser of a boyf, now married to someone else)

Mascaraohara · 20/01/2006 16:49

Am reading up and it's slow going have got to the post by LasVegas and just wanted to add..

..she was weighing up the competition and him.

Anyway will continue reading up now.

harpsichordcarrier · 20/01/2006 16:53

I am proud to say, despite my chequered and disreputable sexual history I have never laid a finger on a married man
it was one of the Rules when I was single
tbh I am a selfish bitch and wouldn't be prepared to share or take a back seat or play second fiddle or any of that nonsense in a relationship
I know lots of women who do though. IME I think the motivation is often the fact that not too much is demanded of the woman. She gets the attention without having to do any dreary commitment, wash the shirts etc. also lots of women like older and more experienced menand get a kick out of being "looked after" and they especially value sexual experience in a man.
not me though. I like them young and fresh and baggage free

WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 16:56

Where's cod's link have looked and looked can't find it?

compo · 20/01/2006 16:57

here

Dinosaur · 20/01/2006 16:58

here you go

WideWebWitch · 20/01/2006 17:04

Thanks. It very accurately describes my ex friend. I was so sick of it (amongst other things, it wasn't the only thing) that I stopped seeing her and we haven't spoken for 3 years now.

prettyfly1 · 20/01/2006 17:07

what an utterly cynical, narrow and bleak view of life. i appreciate how true much of it is but , the likeliehood of a woman in her late 30s or 40s being so is a result of being hitched to a married man??????? so independeant career women dont exist then. silly me. ooooh and i particularly like the bitter blah blah blah thing. yup thats right, single women over the age of 30 - bitter and mad. bxxxxxks.

Bimble · 20/01/2006 17:28

It's a well written and funny article but I'd happily join in any rotten vegetable throwing at this 'man'!

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