Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

[TimeForSomeAction]

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

Ok I need your help. Ive posted on another thread but didnt get very far. I started 'dating ' a guy for lunches and coffees in October, we then went on an evening date last Friday all organised and paid for by him. We had the best time, he s hilarious when relaxed and we really made each other laugh. Since then we did a lot of funny, chatting texting and I asked him if he wanted to go to a comedy club (my treat) on Sunday which he agreed to. But then on Thursday he suddenly stopped replying to my texts, so I stopped texting and have backed off for a bit. Im now feeling really confused, does he want to dicated the pace of everything? He mentioned he runs a mile of people seem needy and I wonder if Ive come accross as needy. Anyway Ive left it since Thursday but ofcourse I now wonder if he still wants to go out tomorrow night, Ive bought the tickets and will be pretty upset if he has changed his mind. I now feel uncomfortable about texting him re arrangements and wonder if he is a bit of a game player. Or. Am I overthinking this and does he just want a bit of space? I find this dating so difficult, my insecurities kick in pretty quickly. What should I do leave it til tomorrow to text re arrangements or do it today?

Good luck sponge I'm sure you will kick him into touch if he plays up

Pippa, does he know that you've bought the tickets?
If he does then it seems rude to go MIA like that.

Is there anyone else, a friend or something you could take to the comedy club?

I think I'd want confirmation today that he is or isnt still on for tomorrow night, perhaps text him asking if he still wants to go..if not you'll take xzy person with you?

I would just send him a message asking if he is still up for it pippa. TBH if he considers you arranging one date as 'needy' and wont contact you because of it he seems like a bit of a tosspot you are better off without. I hate it when people say things like 'I run a mile if someone is needy'. It just smacks of arrogance to me.

female view: Will we be having sex later?

Sponge - Do you have your profile set to IE? I cant remember. If so, you cant really blame him for hinting!

I wouldnt want a restuarant dinner or cinema for a first date. The first I would find a bit too formal, the second no chance to talk. A quiet pub meal and a few drinks, all very casual would be my choice!

Pippa - You are hardly acting needy. Needy would have been texting him again and again when not getting a reply and asking why he isnt replying. However as you have bought the tickets and he had agreed to it, I cant see the harm in texting him a simple light hearted message, are we still on for tomorrow night? If he doesnt reply, then get on with your life. Take a friend with you to the gig and have fun! I dont think there is anything wrong with insecurity either, if there are justified reasons for feeling so.

Agree with DressingGownQueen. If he is put off by you arranging one date he sounds a right PITA. You would be well rid! Could be a breakdown in communication, but if not, its very much his loss not yours!

As for my date, he text me at 3.15 to say his car won't start. He is allegedly waiting for the AA.

He says he still wants to meet me and will let me know when they've fixed his car.

I might believe him, were it not for the fact he has been online in the last 20 mins...

Ooh er sponge Smartphone maybe? But still...

Stay, it is IE, but I have said in my profile that I'm looking for something regular but informal (or words to that effect) rather than a string of one off random hook ups. And when we were first texting last week, I told him again that was what i was looking for, and that we'd meet just for coffee only because I wasnt just looking for sex. So whilst I can understand him hinting the first time, I think I've been as clear as I can!

thats very annoying sponge, but yeah he could be logged on by phone?

You could say going online whilst waiting for the AA is a sensible use of time. However it more suggests to me that the car thing is a lie! But then I am a terrible cynic :)

Shall I just text him and cancel postpone?

even if you have said that you're just looking for sex I dont think it's unreasonable to expect a bloke to not put you on the spot, I mean he should be cool with the idea of you meeting him first to make sure you feel comfortable with him

in the terrible half hour dead zone before a first meeting my thoughts are seldom rational and often very dark

do you have to go to much trouble to actually get to the meeting place sponge?
I'm thinking waiting times for the AA could be quite long on a saturday

As I don't drive it will take me about 40 mins to get there, allowing for the vagaries of public transport - it'll take him (driving) slightly longer. Going for coffee much after 5pm seems odd.

And I'm sure he's working tonight from about 8...

I think I would put it off sponge..it would be hard to enjoy it now.

Part of me would want to not cancel though so I could see if he was bullshitting about the car thing.

I think I might wait and see when he texts back - he said he'd text me when its fixed and we can decide what to do then.

I've already decided I'm not going though, its too late now. When he does text me I'll just make some excuse re the time. On the basis he is online now I think that's entirely fair!

Or he could genuinely be with the AA and therefore if he was online on his phone has probably come off to save his credit/phone bill?

See if he bothers to go back online later.

Sounds like it might be best to re-arrange Sponge. Like you say, coffee after 5 is a bit weird. He'll probably use the later time to try and persuade you into drinks/dinner which you don't want for a first meet right?

Whats wrong with sitting in a pub having a couple of drinks....they do do non alcholic ones, in case you cant manage your urges after having a few...unlike me who always has complete control (NOT)

Nothing wrong with it at all Ellen - actually I prefer evening dates that involve a few drinks. But I don't think it was what Sponge wanted, that's all.

No text yet sponge ?

Fair enough. Just sounded like she doesnt like dinner, dont personally (maybe just me) see the difference between meeting for a coffee or for an alcoholic drink. Maybe i want an excuse to have a drink again!

There's a few of us who don't like going for dinner on a first date or even for a few drinks in a pub. Experience has taught us that when meeting someone for the first time it's best keep things short and have a valid reason to leave if things don't quite work out the way we thought they might. Sitting through dinner with someone you don't click with would be a not so pleasant experience.

A few drinks can make the whole experience a bit more bearable though

Yeah i suppose i can understand that. Nothing a sudden text requiring your attention wouldn't solve though!