Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

[TimeForSomeAction]

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

Oh shite I'm too new at this to know the signs! Made several mistakes already -

Ditched the queue for one in it.
Meeting for dinner now, not just drinks.
On the basis that we get on so well on the phone.....

Mind you its only been a week. If there's no chemistry I won't die....

I would have said as well that yes he was hinting when he asked about dating.... Have fun everyone!

Use the classic - pretend you have a text, look shocked, get up and go away and start pretending to use the phone, then come back and say you have to go. Shame if you had to do this, cos what would he think, its so obvious? Fingers crossed you have a good time!

Ellen I agree with lubey.

With the married thing, you are separated, that is your relationship status. This is why separated is always an option you can choose on forms etc. I never say to anyone I am married, it's separated. I use my maiden name where possible. I think you are making a bit of an unnecessary deal out of still being married.

I also agree that you are putting all your eggs in one basket. You are out of a bad marriage, you should be having fun and enjoying life! Not getting sad over a bloke you have never met before and only spoken to over the past few days. You are 23 with one child? That right? Hardly makes you scrap heap material! You have your whole life ahead of you!

Said with the best of intentions!

something2say, hahaaa bless you - well at least you recognise the things in my above message happening to some extent. Awareness helps at least a bit, much better than finding out for yourself anyway.

Not all first dates are terrible, not all first dates present you with someone you barely 'recognise' from how you get on, online and on the phone etc (and sometimes even physically despite swapping pics)

BUT - I've been on many, many dates and have been amazed time and time again by meetings that seemed destined for great things going by the excellent online and phone contact, that in reality have no spark, no conversation, sat opposite someone who looks nothing like their pictures - like snapes date recently where he managed to disguise having no teeth in pics, but not in real life....

I've also had the above happen a few times where we have got on so well that I dropped other people I was talking to, so by the time the first date goes so unexpectedly badly, you have to start all over again and the other ones you were talking to have copped off and left the site or think you are a flaky twat for letting contact between you vanish.

So for that reason I find it best to meet in real life asap, commit to as little time as possible, have an excuse ready to get away (meeting friends/family etc) and THEN once that bit has gone well, and another date is agreed, THEN you can get a smidge more excited - and definitely do not have all eggs in one basket.

Like I say my worse case scenario thing doesn't always happen, but it is is very likely. Too likely not to have your 'safety' measure in place just in case (meet quickly, short initial date, multi - date)

I suppose its that i havent actually been out on a date since 15 (my ex and me sort of just saw each other at work and things sort of progressed). It is also nice for someone to make me smile,and hopefully if there is no chemistry we can still be friends....it does happen! I have stayed friends with ex's in the past, one turned from boyfriend into male best friend, we didnt work out as a couple, but we still used to have a laugh.

I suppose it is part of the healing process, and your right, why should i let being seperated stop me doing anything! I am free and single! (well not technically but should be mentally).

I suppose i have told him some quite personal information and most people my age would have run a mile. Any maybe thats why i was sort of expecting him to aswell!

I think you know some shit people if you think most of them would run a mile :( they wouldn't, and your situation really isn't that bad, you need to understand that you are valuable and loveable and expect people to want to stick around because you are lovely, rather than expecting them to leg it. Honestly, unless you are hitler (which i suspect not) then your personal circumstances are not going to put any decent person off.

Also - forget being friends. Seriously. Unless you are very lucky and end up in a relationship from within the first few people you date, you'll rack up a list of 'friends' so long it will get on your tits. A list made of ones you rejected, and ones who rejected you. It's crappy and annoying and doesn't make for real friendships. I'm not friends with anyone I went on a date with once or twice.

I'm still vague friends with a few proper exes, but not ex dates.

HAve you arranged when to meet him yet Ellen, maybe meet for coffee first so that you can leave if there isn't any spark or have several coffee's if things go OK. Internet dating can be tough and if someone doesn't reply to emails or want to meet for a second date you need to not take it personally.

Watch is tonights date the teacher? If you meet him and he has a ginger mullett there isn't a spark then you could always apologise and say your babysitter has let you down and so unfortunately you only have time for a main course?

The party is tomorrow night and I am seeing Mr Yacht tonight, have spoken to him about it and its all fine. Ex now keeps texting me and getting in touch on facebook.

yes, its tonight. urgh. the urge to cancel is strong.....

zany - why is the ex doing that? i think he is expecting you to fall at his feet again maybe... you shouldnt go, not if hes being like that..... sorry.

ellen - again, lubey is right. its even more unlikely you will end up friends than it is you will get on. I had over 20 dates last year, noone of them went anywhere ( depsite in some cases getting on fantastically online and on the phone ) being friends with someone that either you have rejected, or has rejected you is pretty impossible.

I'm not sure if he is contacting me lots just to say he would like me to pop into the party or hoping I will fall at his feet, god knows with him as he is such a game player. I will go though as I'm looking forward to seeing some friends who will be there.

Don't cancel Watch what's the worse that can happen

but, he did text last night, that whatever happens today, that he had really enjoyed talking to me this last week.

its the meal thing making me want to cancel. plus, it throws up all kinds of awkward things about whos paying etc. daytime coffee dates are so much better for first dates, why the fuck have i been persuaded to do this? I hate dinner dates with avengance.

zany - ginger mullet and no conversation and someone letching at my boobs is the worse that can happen.

or ginger mullet, no teeth, no conversation whilst letching.
Sorry thats probably not helping. You got on really well on the phone soo I think you should meet as you may get on brilliantly with sparks flying

lol - NO TEETH.

yes, that would be even worse.

urgh :)

mr no teeth actually told me about a previous internet date where the woman in question faked a phone call just before the starters arrived,

'hello? what?! no! no! really! oh! my! god! I'm sorry I have to go!' the phone didn't even ring. even the waiter noticed and commented! At least have the wherewithall to get a pal to phone you half an hour in. in case he has no teeth.

haha, that is excellent. Answering a non ringing phone.
:)

Actually, could one of you do me a favor and text me? at about 7:45? PM me if you are willing :)

Bugger, coffee dates are so much easier, because you can get out of there quickly if you need to, without worring about this kind of crap. I know this. Ive just been talked into it. And am now frankly panicking and planning my escape route.
This is what a few years online dating does to you... :) you dont plan for a good date, just plan your way out.
lol

Plus - i dont know if i should just wear the shagging jumper, skinny jeans and biker boots, some long scarf, and be all casual ( and me.. and slightly scruffy)
OR
to wear a pair of killer heels and a sheer ( black) blouse thing. With a black bst top under, obviously... and skinny jeans.

The second is more dressed up... but could give him ideas and without a doubt will look like ive made an effort.

I would say wear what you feel the best in Watch which sounds like it's the shagging jumper. But if you meet him and sparks fly then there in nothing better than killer heels to make you feel sexy (and unfortunately also in my case feel like a giant as I'm 5ft10)

I'll PM you if you want me to text

Oh poor no teeth man

Watch you never know it might be lovely! I would go casual because I hate being dressed up. Is he taller than you? By how much? You don't want there to be a risk that you dwarf him in heels (a big fear of mine because I am tall).

I never stayed friends with any of the exes. The one I would have done died shortly after we split. Other two...pfft! .

Watch, number two I would go for! I know what you mean about dinner dates, who's paying etc. I don't like being paid for all the time (though sometimes is okay) and there is nothing worse than trying to decide what to do! Hope it all goes well for you though!

Zany - I think you are playing with fire a bit. Be careful.

thanks zany - :)

i appreciate it.

I might go all killer heels and sheer blouse. But somehow make it more casual. Add a scarf. and some chunky bracelts/ ring. messy hair and dark eyes.

Yeah - ill do that. Then at the very least he will be blown away, and it will be me doing the running in the opposite direction, rather than him.

i think dinner necessitates a bit more of an effort than coffee.

unless he's taking you to KFC.

im 5ft 3. hes 6ft 1.

heels are necessary really, arnt they.

id prefer kfc as a first date. first dates need to be casual. they really do. saves all this hastle.

I find dinner dates can be quite awkward early on, especially the paying part as I always offer to pay half but do find it embarrasing when you don't know someone - silly really.

I will be Stay to be honest I had a look at some of his recent fb pix last night and was very puzzled as to why I adored him so much

Not a necessity watch, just wear what you are comfy in Why don't you wait and see what you feel like putting on later. I would always go casual because that is just how I am, I look ridiculous in heels.

I am a bit worried that my Sunday date may be rather overweight (not that that would be the end of the world, I would just like to know). He keeps mentioning diets and working out but in his pictures he looks quite in shape...I am worried they are old photos.

Mondays date is also starting to look a bit dodge. Lots of fretting about train times and not knowing where he is going. Pull yourself together man! You are 34 ffs!

zany - so long as you are ok, thats the important thing. i get the closure thing, i do. I needed it with he who must not be named :) Without having it, i would have always wondered. I needed the air to be cleared as well. I hope you get the closure you need.

Dinner dates as first dates are shite. This is a fact.

dressinggown - yeah, im casual too. hate getting dressed up. Can you not just ask if his pics are older? Id just say you were wondering.... I hate it when they use old pics.

the fretting about train times would annoy me too.you are a grown up male. get yourself there!