Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

[TimeForSomeAction]

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

Why has today been depressing? I am sitting online waiting for the clock to go round. He is going to be later online tonight. He always seems to be working. I doubt he is married cos he has just changed jobs and is waiting for the keys to his new flat. hopefully he turns out to be as genuine as he seems. hes only 21 so surely isnt into playing games etc? i know i am not and i am 23

I had one guy spend most of the morning talking to me, only to delete his profile the second I suggested meeting up. Another spent a while telling me I was cheating on DH and that I should be punished for being wicked and a third kindly informed me that he would think about being friends, but he wasn't sure because he thinks I'm cheating too

I thought maybe it was a man thing and asked DH and even he didn't have a clue. I just can't see the point in sending a message if you're not going to bother!

I don't know about playing games, but saying that, before I met DH (and after it seems) I had/have a crap Mandar! I'd just take it slowly if I were you, see where it goes. It's much more fun that way I think.

I think it really impossible to tell who is playing games and who isn't ellen. Really we don't know these people for toffee so they could be doing anything.

We are just talking atm. Finding out about each other etc. So i do plan on just taking it slowly and not rushing into anything. Totally unrelated topic, but i saw a dress i liked, and i know i will be going out to dinner on at least two occasions with friends. Its now only 13.50 (was 45) and was wondering if its worth buying. All i have is jeans really and v neck jumpers!

Age thing is interesting. 10 years ago I would have said I preferred older men. When I was 21 I had a 'dalliance' with a guy who was late 40s (he told me late 30s ), at 24 I went out with the partner I worked for who was 20 years older than me, then various others were between 5-10 years older, including the evil Ex who is 6 years older.

However, now I am 39 (gulp..still not ready to be almost 40!) men my own age are just awful. The two men above who were 40+ were both really good for their age - took care of themselves, dressed well, looked and acted younger. I'd be happy to meet someone like that now but honestly most guys on POF of say 40-45 look more like 60+.

Trying to find a half decent bloke over 35 is hard work. Which is annoying cos late 20's/early 30s is probably too young and flaky for me - as has been proven by my run of 3 failed dates!

Althalus, hello! Welcome! :)

Open relationships maybe not my thing, I think I am little inclined towards possesiveness, but I do understand you & DO must have a,strong, trusting relationship & that's fab. It's been so long since I was involved in anything sexual that I think it might un necessarily complicate matters for me... & I'd want to somehow be assured that the other party gave permission, which might be weirdly intrusive in their relationship. Ugh! A quagmire! :)

Anyway! Works for you, why would I judge, so welcome! :)

I don't really know where I stand on the age thing. Maybe I don't have a stance.

Before I had dd I always went out with guys my own age but I now find I just can't be bothered with their immaturity. I am just not interested with someone who is going out getting drunk and such. But then I am not attracted to men too much older than me. I think someone in their late 20's would be ideal but there are so many variables.

Done the older guy thing. never worked for me. My ex was 9 years older than me, and he was a complete arse. Maybe it just is personal choice. There is someone out there for everyone. He just wasnt the one for me, now i am just trying to find someone who i enjoy being around and chatting with and see where things lead from there.

Hi everyone, I've got my date with Man 2 tomorrow! Been reading all of your news. Can definitely relate to the online dating strangeness!! re age I prefer older, DGQ hopefully this will work out as tomorrow's man is 8 yrs older than I am..

Ellen I would get that dress, its never a mistake to get a dress in the sale that will always look good...

I am excited about tomorrow. Been talking to him on the phone and v impressed so far. He's gentlemanly and clever and has done a lot. Can't spell, but good work cv, loads of stuff I like about him. Not sure my dress is eight but have washed hair and done nails. Really looking forward to spending the evening with him, not been kissed in ages. Shame we can't drink cos we're both driving. ;)

Good luck. I feel really happy for the first time in ages. I am finally getting myslef sorted out! May take some time but getting sorted. Cant wait to get back on my feet. I had my nails done a week or so ago and they also happen to match this dress. I bet it would look really nice on me too. Might get it tomorrow! x

What happened to Fabbychic??; she was inundated with messages when she changed her profile to IE and now has disapered. Things must be going well!!

I just look for the one with the largest hands who'd be able to make me tingle all night long

I hope she is having some fun Arty

I am a bit worried about my date on sunday...we really click via email so that probably means there will be no real life chemistry. Ho hum.

Or maybe there will be real life chemistry and you will have loads of fun together or just end up being friends. Nothing wrong with that!

Eeek, thinking about me asking him to meet. He has asked if i knew when my divorce would come through and then i could start dating again...is he hinting? I REALLY hope so. Do i ask or wait a while? Will he ever ask?

Ellen, I don't understand why you're waiting for your divorce? Have I missed something?

just feels a bit weird to say i am still married, not wearing any rings though!! Havent for ages. He pawned them for drugs when i was expecting. They had to be taken off cos my hands really badly swelled up.

Finally i have taken the plunge and asked if he wants to meet up. Waiting for a reply. EEEKK. At least i will know one way or the other! Wish me luck.

I have always been asked out before...this is new to me to do the asking. again i sound so naive and innocent...but i am not :)

Yet another poor bloke scared off. cant say as i blame him. Still feel a bit saddened though. Back onto the scrap heap again! Oh well. Never mind maybe next time. Feeling very very stupid now :( :(

Or maybe not. Took him a while to reply. Maybe he was just getting some advice too like i have been off of you!! He says he would like that to happen :)

I no longer feel like a complete idiot and feel like maybe i was right. He does seem like a genuine nice guy. Makes a change, a very nice one too.

Thank you for encouraging me, i would probably have just kept waiting!

Ellen Are you ready for dating do you think?

Why not? I might have a lot going on, BUT it might be just the distraction that i need. I am so impatient just sitting waiting for people to get back to me and things to start progressing. And anyway, worst happens, we end up as friends. Would be nice to have a male in my life again. I only have female friends since moving and very few of those too.

Ellen, you need several chill pills and a bit of a re-assesment I think :o

You remind me of me when I first started dating

So, A few points from an old hand at this malarkey...

1. Yes, he was hinting!

2. You're not married, you're seperated pending imminent divorce - huge difference.

3. Just bloomin meet already sod waiting for the silly piece of paper christ I'd have healed over and been covered in three inches of dust by now if I let that stop me

4. It hadn't even been half an hour and you were panicking about scaring him off - toughen up that dating hide honestly because that is really not long to wait for an answer, not long at all

5. I think you have a case here of having put all your eggs in one basket, and by keeping talking and talking with email tennis and not meeting, you're setting yourself up for awkward situations (like a long first date because you think you get on well) and huge disappointments (when you find yourself desperate to leave after five minutes and have chatted for months for nothing) Chemistry, attraction and how you 'click' can vary WILDLY from how you get on online. Just meet for coffee for half an hour, then at least you know if it's actually worth the effort and angst of persuing. In fact, meet a few for coffee for half an hour (seperately, mind )

6. Stop overthinking and have some fun (and I don't mean fun in the euphemism way - just enjoy having a few queued up for asessment )

ellen - lubeys is good advice. Noone of us are trying to be mean, as you said further up the thread, just that between us we have quite a bit of dating experience, and, well. It seems maybe you arent quite ready to date just yet. ALso, noone is ever on the scrap heap for being single, quite a ridiclous statement to make.

snape - so how did the interview go?

zany - is the party thing today or tomorrow>

So - my date is later, for dinner. which i tryied to cancel that part of it last night. Clearly i have issues, he asked me why, and its because to me it just feels ' date ' like and i hate that, it feels forced, and not natural, and then there are expectations... and its just all kinds of awkward. He thought i was funny and said its just friends, eating, we will go. So im going. BUT - also, what if i hate him, then im stuck eating a whole meal with somone i dont like - imagine if that had happened with the ginger mullet? URGH.

i need tips on how to make a quick escape should he have no teeth, or a hidden mullet or something. help!