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Original poster

Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

999 replies

TimeForSomeAction · 13/01/2012 14:05

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make Grin

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc Grin

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 19/01/2012 12:27

No no no nooooooooooooo I refuse to be seen as 'mature' until I'm at least.... um... er... 90. That should safely put me as 'mature' :o

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/01/2012 12:30

ah - but i am mature to a 24 year old. not in the great scheme of things.

Snapespeare · 19/01/2012 12:30

I feel like Mrs Robinson. Hello Benjamin!

I guess I feel like it's a bit of a liberty, you teach them all you know, they eventually dump you for someone who isn't peri-menopausal, settle down and have kids.... I feel liek Norma Desmond in sunset boulevard or maude in 'Harold and Maude' (not quite that decrepit yet, thank you very much!)

come on.... Leeds! there must be someone!

lubeybooby · 19/01/2012 12:35
Zanywany · 19/01/2012 12:36

Is still wonder what I'm going to do when I grow up Grin

I refuse to grow older mature

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/01/2012 12:40

yes, but ina fwb situation, i think its fine :)

saying that, my mother married somone 9 years younger than her. my dad is married to someone 16 years younger ( yuk)

i dont think i could date someone that young. but i see the benefits of having lots of stamina and being able to go again quickly it in a fwb situation.

lovesadirtylie · 19/01/2012 12:57

I think 'mature' means different things to different people, some may see it as being old, boring and overly serious.
I see it more as being confident, competent, experienced and in charge of my own life...kind of like the opposite of naive

So yeah, I like to think of myself as mature Grin

makeyerowndamndinner · 19/01/2012 14:59

My last relationship was with a man 13 years younger than me. We went out for over a year.

Before he and I got together I would have been very Hmm about such an age gap. I would have wondered why someone didn't want a partner that was their equal in terms of life experience e.t.c. And certainly lots of people assumed I was only with him because of the sex and vice versa no doubt. I know a lot of his mates were a bit wahey...

But actually I loved him and we had a lot in common. We had some really great times together.

Snapespeare · 19/01/2012 15:39

:)

I have been thinking about this quite a lot actually - (due to being hit upon by a 23 year old on OKC) I generally tend to think that older men actively looking for younger girlfriends is a bit creepy. It denotes that they can't 'cope' with a woman their own age and that they are looking for someone impressionable and mouldable, trying to recapture their youth and want some nice 'arm candy' that their friends will be jealous of. For the younger woman there may be that sense of being cared for, hopefully thought of as an equal Hmm by an older chap, that the guy will hopefully be more sophisticated (less xbox 360-ing) be financially comfortable having established himself in a career and in the worst case scenario spunk the money he should be paying his ex wife for the maintenance of his children on nice dinners and expensive trinkets.

I think that that may do both parties a dis-service to a degree. There are obviously intelligent, resourceful younger women who fall in love with older men for who they are, not what they can provide...our society's obsession with youth may also go a way to explaining - or attemtping to explain this phenomenom.

On the other side, I haven't quite let myself go completely yet and the amount of 40-odd year old guys I see who are clearly middle-aged from their photos and who are trying to pull women 10, 20 years younger than them...

I still hate the term 'cougar' though.

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 15:50

There was 17years between my mum and dad and that must have worked between them, as they were together until he passed away over 22 years ago and my mum still hasnt found herself anyone else, i think she is still in love with dad really. x

watchoutforthatsnail · 19/01/2012 16:02

snape - i agree, though there is a mind set among some women.. namely my step mother ( and she used to tell her daughter and try to tell me) to always go for an older man, for the reasons you listed.
I dont get the whole ' being looked after thing' so dont see the point and i also earn my own money... so again, have never seen the point, and have always dated guys a little younger than myself. My ex husband was the only one that was older and that was by a whole 6 weeks!

cougar is a horrible term. I agree.
I think for me, 9 years younger is the most i could go... because 10 years younger is 23.. which is still a baby and just ridiclous. This might change as i get older though. 24 i can just about make ok in my mind. JUST about. Though the teacher is currently living at home after his phd funding got pulled and he lost his accomadation ( now teaching and looking to move out asap) but i did hear his mum call him for dinner last night , which was hysterical... adn embarassinig for him.

lubeybooby · 19/01/2012 16:59

I generally go for older men - can't help it! I'm not attracted to babyfaces, same as I'm not attracted to shorter men, and men younger than me all seem to have what I see as a babyface - very few don't. I've been with some guys my own age but by then I was used to older men and really not impressed with the stag night/xbox/football/car obsessions.

When I was 14 I had a 28 year old bf for a few months. He didn't know I was 14 by the way, he thought I was 17, never found out otherwise and I could have easily passed for 21. I was sophisticated and developed, had a cover story and knew exactly what I was doing. Little sod I was.

My DDs dad is 5 years older than me

My exdh is 13 years older than me

The one I was seeing shortly before meeting exdh was 15 years older than me

I had a fling with a colleague 25 years older than me

My current FWB's are 12yrs and 18yrs older than me

My best ever, most loving, fun and intellectual relationship was with the one 26 years older than me.

I think I'm attracted to power, confidence, strength, experience, intelligence and I suppose it's likely some men with those qualities will be reasonably well off. Certainly a couple of the men I've had relationship with have been so. But I'm financially independent and very unbothered about material things, am not high maintenance at all and don't give a shit if someone picks me up in a beaten up old van or if they are a builder or whatever, long as they have certain qualities like those mentioned above. So I don't think it's anything to do with money for me.

makeyerowndamndinner · 19/01/2012 17:10

I've noticed that the men I'm drawn to on dating sites tend to be a bit younger than me. I'm 36 and prefer men in their early thirties.

In my mind I associate them with more and better sex, more fun, and less issues. Although I'm perfectly happy to accept that all that can be bollocks.

Snapespeare · 19/01/2012 17:35

The teacher in Leeds got home from school and messaged me on OKC, before cooking his DD tea.

I retract my offer of passing him on to one of you.

He's mine!

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 17:43

Glad to see you arent having any more wobbles about meeting him! Go for it. or you will regret it!

lovesadirtylie · 19/01/2012 17:48

It's not age exactly which bothers me, more the shape they are in, I see so many rounded feminine looking male bodies on dating sites, I rarely fancy men unless they are lean and muscular

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 18:15

I like someone slightly muscular too, but i am still only 23, so feel like a buit of a baby. I will never ever feel more than 21 though! My mum always told me your as young as the person you feel. :)

Althalus · 19/01/2012 18:27

Can I ask a small question?

Is it okay for someone in an open marriage and on OKC to post on this thread?

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 18:30

Why not? If you both know, its not really "dirty", you are open about it so sure go ahead! As longas your no lying to anyone i have no problem with it!

Althalus · 19/01/2012 18:35

Thank you :)

I've been lurking for the last couple of threads and laughing myself silly, recognising the types of guys sending messages and I didn't know whether or not it would upset or annoy anyone.

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 18:38

Well there is normally someone, but hey ignore them. You arent having an affair or anything so doing nothing wrong. x

Althalus · 19/01/2012 18:43

That's true! If I upset anyone, I can always bribe them with Wine and chocolates Wink

EllenandBump · 19/01/2012 18:50

Can i have some wine and chocolates anyway? :)
Dont think everyone agrees with me, they seem to worry i give up too much information, but he seems really nice. Not pushy or anything. Maybe its cos my ex was such an arse, that i am enjoying being spoken to like a human being who has feelings!

DressingGownQueen · 19/01/2012 18:51

Of course it is okay althalus! How long have you been on okcupid for?

I have dates on sunday and monday I am more hopeful for the sunday one than the monday one.

Althalus · 19/01/2012 19:01

I don't mind sharing :)

I've been on OKC for about a year now DressingGownQueen and today has been depressing to say the least

I hope both dates go well for you!