Close Encounters of The Intimate Kind! Dating thread No:8

[TimeForSomeAction]

Continued from Makes post and in reply of:

Make just ask him. Why not? And of course you are going to be a bit of a mystery woman, he's only just blooming met you! Send him a message saying if he fancies unravelling a bit of the mystery then to get in touch because you would like to see him again. Be playful, be teasing, be fun, make him want you Make

I'm pleased you are having fun but I do have to ask, is all this dating costing you loads of money?? New outfits etc

See what happens, just dont pin your hopes on it. I am sure one of them will turn up at least?

I don't think any of them will happen now - one is already off, one has gone silent since yesterday and the third is 'ill' and a bit quiet on the text front. So I'm not optimistic!

Well they are obviously not worth it then! Dont worry about it. I wouldnt even have a clue what to wear on a first date. I used to always go in jeans and a top with my ex ex adam, and with my ex we met at a stables, hence jodpurs and a strappy top were my trademark. Not sure my figure would allow that now though!

message those who dont show "well i always expected you wouldnt show, thought your profile picture looked out of focus and now i know why!" will wind them up!

I tend to dress fairly plainly for first meetings, certainly I'd never wear anything remotely sexy since the odds that I'll take one look at him and think 'nope..I wouldnt' are pretty high

Unlucky hatesponge to get three flaky twats at once. But you're worth more than a flaky twat anyway so glad they have exposed their true colours early. Sod em!

Sponge it would seem flaky twats are a bit like buses n'all eh. Don't worry, like Lubey says, at least they've saved you some time showing you what they're like this early on.

Ellen I personally always make an effort for any first date. But that's kind of in keeping with my general style anyway - I'd always rather be overdressed than under IYSWIM. My fail safe first date outfit is a knee length dress with high heeled knee high boots. My favourite dress has long sleeves and a polo neck so could be construed as fairly conservative, however it is also body-con so is a bit sexy as well. I always feel fantastic in it and I think that's the point. If you're wearing something you feel good and can walk confidently in, you'll look good as well.

Can I also add, new shoes on a first date are a bad idea IMO! Especially if the heel is high. As all women know, different styles of heels take getting used to and new shoes can hurt. Nervous men often muddle directions and confuse their venues so first dates can sometimes involve some walking and getting lost. Make sure you wear shoes that are well and truly broken in!

I know i am probably a pain, but quick question. My fella has said he has to work away this weekend and will only be able to get on his work laptop...obviously he cant get online or anything, so we are going to swap email addresses. Thing is I have two email addresses, one for junk to get sent to...ie if i order anything online etc, and one for important stuff...ie housing. Which one do i give him? So difficult. Wonder when we will get to meet up. Want me tooth fixed first though!

ellen, please dont think im being rude. But you cant call someone ' my fella' when you havent even met. And even then you cant really... they could be dating lots of other people...

If he cant get online, whats the point of him having either email address anyway?

i do really thnk you need to slow down a little here.

sponge - crap if they are all flakey.

snape - good luck for later

zany - hows you today?

HI

Well I think I have decided to pop into my ex's birthday party on Saturday for an hour or so. I thought it was a bit of a compromise in that I'm not meeting him on my own and I do genuinley want to see some of the mutual friends we have who I haven't seen for a while. I have had to ask my parents to babysit and they are against it, as is everyone, but I feel that I need to do it. God knows why. Now just to tell Mr Yacht

Hey everyone,

Just reactivated my OK Cupid profile after Christmas. Almost wish I hadn't. Sock of getting messages from people going 'I can't believe a lovely ladyee like you doesn't have a man!! I really hate that. I'm probably overreacting but it just makes me feel more of a rejected spinster than I already do!

Then there's all the ones I am getting from people calling themselves things like 'Dominant mind' asking if I'm submissive! WTF is that all about??

I just despair. I had someone I was mailing yesterday say "Yeah, I bet you Northerners get sucked into buying all sorts of shit" In response to me saying I'm always buying things at Camden market. Is he saying all Northerners are too thick to show any spending restraint?

Then there was the guy who lives on a house boat. I was very impressed by this and mailed him pretty much saying 'Wow, do you really live on a boat. That's so impressive' He replied going "Of course I'm not lying. I would hardly put a lie like that on OK cupid would I?"

I'm starting to get incredibly paranoid about the whole thing. I might just give it up as a bad job

Zany that seems like a good compromise :)

Ellen - what watch says, plus have you ever spoken at weekends before? Just the weekend excuse immediately sets off the 'married or attached' alarm

Milk - every single one of those is a twat. Bad luck though, eventually there will be someone who actually has half a clue how to converse.

Zany- I feel like EVERY man I meet is a twat. Both in R/L and on-line.

It's getting to the point where I'm not even sure what counts as twatness. I'm even trying to make up excuses for them, otherwise I may have to face up to the uncomfortable fact that every man I meet/speak too is an idiot.

I'm at the point now where I don't even want to speak to people, or go out because you just end up disappointed. That isn't me at all

milk - its a bdsm thing. unless that works for you, just ignore them. Again, if anything has been learnt from the whole IE thing, its that most men are shit.
And after sex, and that its not really us, its them. You have to have very tough skin for internet dating i think......

zany - sometimes we have to do things and noone understands why... thats ok :) and i hope it goes ok too...

milk - take a break then. It shouldnt be like that, its meant to be fun.. and if its not,then stop.

Milk

"Yeah, I bet you Northerners get sucked into buying all sorts of shit" there are so many things wrong with that sentence it's hard to know where to begin. Probably with 'rude, agressive and possibly narcissistic' TWAT

Ditto for the house boat one, you asked a perfectly valid question and anyone in their right mind would know you were not actually accusing him of lying, it's just a 'wow that's unusual' kind of statement. TWAT

It is just bad luck though. Sometimes you get a run of it, then there will be a run of good ones who you actually might want to chat to furhter and possibly meet. But as watch said, it's meant to be fun and if it's really grinding you down at the moment then have another break for a while

Not all men are twats - we do know this really from all the lovely stories that are floating about - but it can't half take some digging to find them sometimes.

Watch- It just makes me giggle a bit as I am the least submissive girl you could meet. Plus I have quite a 'severe look' (sharp bob, bright red lipstick) I don't look even vaguely submissive! They don't take no for an answer though. Message, after message. Also instant messaging, which I really hate.

Yes, I think I need to take a break from it all. I only started up again because I've just turned 33, and since my ex walked out of my life I've been gripped with worry that I'm going to die alone.

milk im the same age as you :)

and i wont be dying alone, whatever the fuck happens... and i seriously doubt any of us are going to be single for the next 70 years ;)

Lubey- No disrespect to any Londoners on here (and for the record, I love this city) but I find stuff like that a lot since I moved here. People are so defensive. You start chatting to some guy in a pub, and it's like pulling teeth (even when they've made the first move) Or they make some 'hilarious' quip about me being Northern, or they just stare at you in a "What do you want?" kind of way.

I just want to yell, "I don't want anything, it's a Friday night. I am trying to have fun, and socialise. It's generally what people come to bars, and clubs to do"

milk my particular annoyance is younger men messaging me with 'oh, I'd like to meet a mature lady...' I don't think of myself as 'mature' in my head I'm still in my mid twenties..

zany i think that's fine... you can then make your excuses and leave and report back to Mr Yacht to put his mind at rest (or otherwise...) I went for a drink with someone I had a huge crush on while I was officially seeing someone, he knew I was going, he wasn't happy about it, I phoned him after to tell him it had gone fine, but I didn't fancy him anymore (that might have been a tiny lie..) and that we were fine.

right. anyone live near Leeds? I found a lovely man on OKC last night, been chatting away about how stupid geography is - five foot 8, a physics teacher, one daughter aged around 8 that he has shared care for. blonde, long haired... a little short for me, but a pity to let him go to waste...
(cough he looks like Tim minchin if you squint and has a picture on his profile dressed as Captain Jack sparrow..cough) I don't want to put his user name up here as he seems genuinely lovely and I don't want to scare him, but if anyone would like his OKC name, do inbox me.

that's my random act of lovliness done for the day!

Snape, haha, yes I get that a lot. Men in their twenties going 'I'm looking for a mature woman' Meanwhile I'm sitting there thinking 'Mature, wtf?'

Your OKC man sounds nice. I like a bit of Tim Minchin me

I do think I'm doing the right thing but friends/family who know me think I'm playing with fire as I've done this before and then ended up getting back with him but I feel differently this time, just want a bit of closure from it all if that makes sense.

I hate being called lady let alone mature - I still think of myself as a girl

i was talking to the teacher about the whole ' mature' thing last night. because hes 24.
a little bit of me goes ' god, hes 24!!!!!!'
anyway, i asked what the deal was with the older woman thing, and he just said that honestly, it was because they were more confident, had less hang ups, tended to me for fun for that reason, had more curves, knew what they wanted... and of course were better in bed.

So - im no longer going to be slightly offended to be ' mature' either. ( hes 24!!!!!!!!) and neither of us should be.. maybe just think the have less of a way with words?

i love tim. i want him to kidnap me.. but leeds is too far :(

urgh - i cant type. i meant to say, im going to revel in my matureness.. and noone of us should be offended.. and maybe they are just crap with words.