I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

I understand how it started now. you pretended you had text a wrong number. and then this mystery/you woman proceeded to flirt and chat to someone she (had it been real) didn't know, or have any inkling what he looked like.

I cannot believe the guy would fall for it.

OMG, is he really that thick.

OP. Please, please just stop emailing him. Please stop it. Sort it out or suck it up - but please stop playing these games.

Oh dear, what a nightmare scenario. It sounds very much like he is viewing it as a free sex line. I'm not at all sure he would go through with any of it. Just couldn't resist the temptation and ran with it. I don't think you can come back from this to be honest. If you need to see if he would go through with a meet for your own sanity then so be it. But I doubt that he would. It must be very tempting to keep doing this, weird twisting the knife and making you absolutely convinced never to go back with ever increasing incriminating scenarios. But you have a baby together, don't make yourself hate him so much and make the relationship so inviable that you cannot work your way forward in some manner.

"I cannot believe the guy would fall for it." neither can I - I am certain he is just playing op at her own game.

Cannot believe how you are managing to be in the same room as him with the knowledge you have. Hope you are ok, anything happened tonight ?

so what happened with the house?

wannaBe what gives you that sense? I'm not sure myself, but couldn't say why.

Wow! I'm guessing you had to set up a new email account?

What gives me the sense is:

The man gets an anonymous text from someone claiming he was the most gorgeous man in the pub that night (on new year's day. He has a bit of an (innocent) chat with the texter and then says he has a partner and child at home, fair enough. But then a week later he texts out of the blue asking what she looks like, asking for pictures, within minutes he is playing with himself thinking about her, calling her his princess, within 48 hours he has got to the point that he "can't give her up." really? This isn't even a person at this stage it's a picture with an email address. They haven't spoken, they haven't met, it's all words on a screen, and he "can't give her up"?

Why would he text out of the blue? If he wanted some sex chat there are hundreds of chat lines he could go to. It makes no sense that he would do that, none at all. unless:

He found out that his personal emails are being redirected to the joint email account (either by looking at the settings on his phone or by looking at the joint email account. It is joint after all). Just because the op says he isn't that savvy, doesn't mean that he isn't - this is the man who joined some sex site before after all - he does know his way around a computer..

or

He found the op's second mobile phone with the second sim in it and realized that the text had come from there, and realizing that the relationship is probably over anyway since his partner has gone to some lengths to catch him out and is, it would seem, a bit of a nutjob, decided to play her game and get revenge by hurting her before the relationship ends. And really who could blame him.

There is just no way he doesn't know.

Wannbe Its perfectly possible that he doesnt know its the op. From experience having their ego stroked outweighs common sense. I know this from experience

given that the op hasn't been back this evening, I suspect that it hasn't gone her way.

Crikey, he would be even more of a twat if that were true. Can't see it, not with a new baby. He sounds like his instinct is survival, not complete anihilation of his relationship. True he should not be even thinking this in his situation, but I reckon he has convinced himself this is a fantasy situation, he doesn't even refer to his DP in realistic terms, he has completely removed himself and therefore from the guilt presumably.

minceorotherwise

given the insecurities of the OP in the first place, I would say that there where more issues than this to start with.

just as a note.

IMO she isn't exactly squeeky clean in this.

I think he knows it's you OP. And I think he's getting a kick from you being upset by it.

This is one of the saddest situations I have ever read on here. I really hope it's not true.

I can't believe the amount of people who think he knows and is getting some kind of satisfaction from playing her. Come on, really??! Are people generally that nasty and vindictive that they'll play on peoples insecurities that easily? I don't believe it for a minute personally, people that insanely hideous are few and far between I reckon.

Hehe - boney, just coz OP hasn't been back doesn't mean much at all, we all have lives to live outside MN! She could just be busy

I have to agree with the posters on here saying he knows, and I've said it almost to the beginning.

He didn't need to mention his relationship, partner, kids, issues. He could have just said he was single and got straight down to the sex talk.

The way he is messaging and then verbally communicating with you. I don't know - it feels like he thinks you are playing some sexual game with him.

I think most men would check where the photo came from, to establish whether it was one of these "Russian penpal" emails people get that are scams.

The likelihood of accidently getting the right number of some random person in a pub you are in by writing it down wrongly??? Seriously?

I can't quite understand why people are finding the pregnancy porn so utterly vile, in comparison to any other porn really??

We don't know the whole story do we? Perhaps op didn't feel like sex during the third trimeseter and her dp was horny and found a realistic picture resembling his dp to get off too? Or perhaps he had a hang up about having sex with a heavily pregnant woman and was trying to normalise it, or perhaps he felt too afraid to have sex with his heavily pregnant dp (a lot of men have issues with it, or are terrified of harming their baby, or paranoid about there being a living other human in the room - yes I've heard all three from male work colleagues) and was just using a lifelike pic again ro relieve himself.

I have to say I am convinced he's playing along, and I am beginning to feel a bit sorry for the bloke, especially with the attitude of fooling him to sign for the house etc. Okay if he is genuinely being a dick, call him on it, pick yourself up and move on, but this is the father of your dc op and this is just becoming ridiculous.

I dunno if he is necessarily getting a kick.

Chances are he knows, I dunno why some are in such denial about this. If he is a perv after wank fodder, he'd of clicked on pics hoping to go straight to her fb, only to find they went back to ops laptop.

She has stupidly diverted the emails to a JOINT account. She has again stupidly set up a divert on his phone. Don't ya think, he's gone looking through his email settings, to see what is saved, how stuff is saved, and all that jazz. If he were genuinely interested and so scared about op finding out, he'd have looked. He would have noticed the divert and again, game over.

Op has been incredibly stupid, so have the women encouraging her to play the game further and further by pushing it, why? Why play stupid games, why further the pain?

Some including I said earlier, all his texts seemed not to be to impress an ow, but anger op.

Tbh she was playing with fire. It's clear, she wanted to trap him and dump him come what may, so why do this? You can just end a relationship you know. But no, op wanted him to be a guarantor.

Tbh, if I knew my husband wanted rid AFTER I'd been of use to him. Set up some trick and kept pushing and pushing it so it could be his get out clause. Damn right I'd play along, and then shaft him at the last minute. I wouldn't let anyone use me or play such fucked up games. I'd play them back, twice as hard.

Some of you have got to open your eyes and look at what op was actually doing, if real, which I doubt.

Jesus silicone some common sense. Fwiw I'm not pro porn at all. But I thought the same about the pregnancy porn, re connecting it to op.

Also wrt he thinks this is some sexy game, very possible it's either that or he's biding his time. I don't think op cares, she wants rid so she has her proof

"Are people generally
that nasty and vindictive that they'll play on peoples insecurities that easily?" I don't think it's nasty and vindictive in this instance actually. After all we're not talking about general insecurities here are we? we're talking about a woman who:

Diverted her partner's emails so she could read them.

Sent him an anonymous text to get a response.

Lifted pictures from the internet to create a fake identity.

Responded to texts telling him what she wanted him to do to her/what she wanted him to think while doing things to his partner.

If the op's dp hadn't responded to these advances what would people be saying?

If someone posted here saying:

"I found out that my dp had diverted my emails to his email address, and that he sent me an anonymous text trying to lead me on/trap me," what would people say? Honestly?

this isn't just insecurity, this is bunny boiler behavior and I think the dp will be well rid of the op.

What most people would be saying, especially if they clocked said husband was out to financially use the wife.

Is dump his ass but not before you've played along. The thread would then be a 1000 long with suggestions of how to play the loony fuckwit.

What different worlds we live in. I'm not saying that any of this is right, but I'm not here to make judgements on anyone either, especially on assumptions.

And I can honestly say that if my DH tried to set me up, I wouldn't waste my time engaging in any type of 'get him back' type behaviour. It's stupid and completely unwarranted! I'm better than that, and would like to think that most people are abit more dignified tbh!

Been keeping up with this thread and I'm with WannaBe. I honestly don't believe it would be possible not to have exploded with rage if OPs DP was doing this.

He knows or this is just a story

The difference here is its not a set up just for that. It's to get him to sign on the dotted line, then bin him. That's the sole purpose. Nasty. You could see why he may want revenge if he knows.

You do have to question ops thought processes, can you imagine what she is saying to him to get these responses. Fucked up.

"And I can honestly say that if my DH tried to set me up, I wouldn't waste my time engaging in any type of 'get him back' type behaviour. It's stupid and
completely unwarranted! I'm better than that, and would like to think that most people are abit more dignified tbh!" and equally I'd like to think that most people are more dignified than to set someone up like that in the first place.

I think he knows it's you OP and I'll be very surprised if you get to move house next week because I think he'll pull out of being guarantor.