I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

He has gone to 'the shop' and emailed again saying he got shit scared last night and was sorry because he had got nervous about never knowing when she was going to email him and that the woman likes to use his phone sometimes so somrthing needs to be worked out because he doesnt want to lose everything.

He used to let me.

cant really post atm am breastfeeding.

I think you should arrange the date and then turn up as Just a Bloke suggested! It's not something he'll ever, EVER forget and perhaps he'll be paranoid enough never to do this to another woman again. You can say that you suspected him, and tracked it all on your t-mobile account.

He is asking her to wait a few days until he is back at work, and saying he cant give her up.

I am reading your posts btw and thank you for all your advice. I just cant reply very well cause of DC.

On the plus side we find out about the house today

I think you should strongly consider justabloke advice. Good luck

OP, now he has just sent that. Don't email him anymore.

ImJustaBloke's comments rang rather true, I would never tell him what I did. You have enough proof for yourself and that's all you need.

Move in to your new home and dump him, you don't have to give a reason.

"And I'm sorry to say this, but the only reason he would have taken the bait is if your relationship is lacking in some way."

What a crock of shit. It is not something lacking in a relationship when you have just had a baby - it is a period of adjustment or are you suggesting Justabloke that you poor guys are too weak minded and shallow to cope with such things? FFS

Sorry Dammandblast not a helpful addition to the thread for you but the automatic ASSumption that an bloke acting like a selfish inconsiderate dick is because of something lacking in your relationship really annoyed me and did you a massive disservice. So sorry for what you are going through.

obviously not all the comments rang true! Was referring to the not to tell him part.

Totally agree with what sarabumbarer has just written about one particular comment from justabloke.

Just needed to clarify this

Look Sarah, no, come one, you need to see there's a time and place for man-hating - and this isn't one.

A decent bloke in a happy relationship would delete the first text and it would end there.

That either means he is not a decent bloke - fair enough - you have your evidence now, and you should make a pretty swift exit from the relationship. Whether you want to have some pretty destructive 'fun' at his expense is totally your call.

Or - and this is where it gets hard and there's shades of grey - if he is a decent guy - if you honestly and truely believe that to be true despite all of this then we need to take a big gulp and not ignore the ego-destroying possibility (which nobody wants to admit to or even think about) ...... that there must have been something wrong for him to do this.

Given the OP has used the word player, we could assume he's not a great guy. Hense my second part of the post in teaching him a lesson he will never ever forget, but she's been with him because she knows there's good in him somewhere.

It's not our place to tell her what he is, only she will have all the facts to know, but I hope she takes heart from all these loving and supporting posts, and I hope it helps her make the right decision (for her)

Best of luck with it damm

This doesn't add up.

You said you bought a new sim and put it in an old phone and texted him from it, but then you said that you actually emailed him? If you were emailing him why would you need a new sim card for that - you would have just set up a new email address surely?

And this surely also means that you are carrying around two mobile phones..

If this is real then I think it's blatantly obvious that he's playing your game. Going from texting/emailing (it's unsure which and why a new phone would be required for texting) on Sunday morning to calling her princess, to describing you differently to the way you look, to the point he says he can't give her up all in two days? come on. It gets more and more extreme probably to provoke a reaction from you.

If you are for real stop playing games and just leave the bloke. You clearly wanted to catch him out or you wouldn't have started playing childish games in the first place.

But that's assuming this is real which I am about.

So how are you replying to his emails as 'her'?

When he tells her he will think of her while he fucks you, what is your response?

It can't be a one sided convo - i'm interested to know what you are feeding him to keep his interest in her?

I would find that the weird part tbh. Then dealing with him day to day

Also, what was her response when he tried to cool it last night then tried to make it up again?

Definately arrange a meet up - otherwise there will always be a part of you that thinks what if?

OP has already asked him (as her) to meet up a couple of times but he has so far refused.

Really that this is still going on, how are you living like this?

"And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in
the room," and how would this "woman" know that? no photos, no way of knowing who it was she was actually texting...? and emails going to the joint account which op "presumes" he doesn't check?

riiiight.

I know worms but am thinking she should push the issue - say that she is bored of just emailing now and wants some action or she's no longer interested.

Make him panic a bit seeing as he "can't give her up"

WannaBe the initial text was sent deliberately by the OP to her DP so that he would think some random person had text his number by mistake. It was worded to be about a man so that the DP would know this 'wrong number' text was from a woman and would spark up a conversation.

As the OP has said herself this is all a bit car crash, it's making me feel uneasy just reading it all, how is she living like this. I think I'm going to hide the thread now, I 'm thinking way too much about it, and it's unpleasant to say the least.

how did the 'woman' get the number of the 'most gorgeous man in the pub'??

has he not wondered.

it still doesn't make sense though. You wouldn't reply to a text that was presumably a wrong number - you just wouldn't. Even if you were the type to go on sex chat lines/sign up to dodgy websites looking for sex chat. A text message is a completely different league and if you received one the automatic assumption would be wrong number. You wouldn't continue on a conversation past maybe saying "who are you?" (which I would if someone sent me a wrong numbered text and I would think it was one of my contacts changing their number)

And it's the op that is leading this bloke on - she is initiating the chat and responding to his advances, to the extent she said that she likes to think of him thinking of her when having sex with his partner..

This isn't an innocent set-up where you chat someone up and then let them make the moves - this goes way beyond, to the extent it seems the op has a new (secret) mobile number, a new (secret) email address, and is having sex chat with a bloke she knows to be her partner but is assuming he doesn't know who she is.

If any of this is real (and I am still in serious doubt that any of it is), then it is IMO the op that needs professional help. Snooping to look at someone's email/texts is one thing, laying a trap and participating in the event is quite something else.

Even these honey trap agencies don't initiate the sex chat or have any actual contact with the people they're hired to trap - it is all suggestion on their part - because the instant you become a part of it you are just as culpable.

And if this is real I think it's gone as far as to wonder whether the op is actually getting off on all this tbh.

I'm with Wannabe on this.
It's all very odd.

Also, of everything that he has said and done, finding the heavily pregnant porn when you yourself were about to have his baby was not your cue to leave OP?

Bleurgh - that's just grim

wannabe -

I had an old phone which I bought a 99p sim for and put £10 on as I was planning to give it to my DC for Christmas. I didn't give it to him as he had more than enough.

DP was out on New Years Day, and for some reason I decided to text him as if it was a wrong number saying he was the best looking man in the pub last night. It was very obvious it was from a woman. He replied to it saying 'Oh right', I texted back, 'How is the hangover?', He replied saying that I might have the wrong number. I replied asking ' well are you a fit man, if you are you'll do' Then he asked my name and gave me his, he wished me well finding my fella. I said he wasnt my fella and I wasnt the relationship type. He asks how she got his number and I said I wrote it on a beermat last night and must have written it down wrong. They ask what each other looks like, age, location etc

And it went from there, it was a flirty but none sexual conversation in which he gave his email address. After a couple of hours he says he has a partner and son and shouldnt be talking to her as his mrs would kill him. She tells him not to be soft and its only fun.

It all stops until a couple of days later when he emails her.

He even asks her if there are any ways deleted emails can be found when using blackberry.

As he is emailing, I havent used the second phone since the first conversation they had. It is switched off and in the bottom of a drawer.

I check her email account via either the laptop or my phone.

Everything I have said is true. I have admitted a few times that I have spoon fed him and made it easy for him. He tells her times to email - yesterday he said after half 5 - and he left me at 5 to go to the pub.

He has told her not to email until 3pm Thursday now as he will be stuck in the house and not alone until then. I have to be somewhere at 3pm Thursday.

You aren't coming out of this well either really blast. Why keep pushing? You wanted to dump him anyway? Or the thrill.

It's so screwed up. Here is an idea. Grow up and stop playing games.

OP the more you've said on this thread, the more apparent it is that his inability to be faithful isn't the only problem in the relationship. You said he goes out 4-5 times a week, was out NYE on his own presumably and seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in the pub when he's got a new born baby. Then there's the porn that you overlooked and the Facebook sex crap that you forgave.

This is damaging you by prolonging it. Try to find another guarantor FGS and just end this misery.

On the general point raised by bloke no, a decent man wouldn't do any of the above and is why the OP should bin him, but decent people in otherwise happy relationships are capable of being weak, flattered, susceptible to an ego boost or an intense friendship that gets out of hand, none of which has got anything to do with how satisfied they are in their relationships. That doesn't make them bad people, just human with flaws.

Well said Charbon, I think the OP is just prolonging everyones misery for god only knows why.

Probably needs help herself

Of course people reply to texts which aren't for them, what about Penguingate? Plus I know of someone who married someone with the exact same name as her brother (ick) after she tried to email him but got someone else instead and their relationship (somehow) bloomed from there.