I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

OP has a sim card in which she is pretending to be another woman as a honey trap to her DH. So he was texting his wife - rather than the made up woman she had created to test out her hubby.

Good post iremember.

I'm pretty sure he knows it you

What kind of person would impress someone by telling them they will be fucking someone else while thinking of them?!

Surely the would spin the old my wife doesn't understand me, we sleep in different rooms etc line?

Starwisher - very common on sexchat!! It's all about fantasising...

Thank you for the PM SluttyButtons.

I don't think I have ever been a possesive or questioning partner, he goes out 4-5 times a week, I don't ask him who texts him, I don't check up on him (other than that one time when I found the facebook of sex and the heavily pregnant women porn) because I couldn't bare to look after that and I made a decison to try and trust him - and oddly I trust him 100% not to meet someone in the pub or at work and have a one night stand etc, he has female friends etc. I was just the phone thing that bothered me, my ex used to go on sites to meet people for casual sex etc, he would always take his phone in the bathroom and leave it laying face down. He would ring sex chat lines and go out with his mates on the pull etc, I couldn't stand living with the insecurity, it made me ill and I swore I would never live like that again.

After I found DPs profile last year I asked him to leave, but he wrote me letters, cried, promised me the world, I was pregnant and I forgave him. He swore to me he would never hurt me again.

I wish I had never started all this, I should be excited about moving into a new home, he had talked and still talks about us getting engaged, about holidays we could book, I wish I didn't know what I do because now I will have to leave him - its not even the sexting although thats bad enough, its the things he is saying, about me, how disrespectful he is being. It makes me feel sick.

I am 100% sure he doesnt know its me.

He was emailing her all morning, not as dirty as he was but still alot of 'wanting to do xxxx' (nasty stuff too, he has a vile side I never knew about) but alot of telling her about himself, asking about her, saying she is beautiful and amazing, he loves her body, her flat stomach. He said I used to be really pretty until I had DC. He also said I had long red hair and a tan - I dont.

For the person that asked, he emails her from his blackberry, they come through to an email address I sat up. Her emails go into his phone inbox so its just like they are texting. I check the emails from the internet on my phone.

He texts me as normal to my phone.

I am so very sad and hurt.

I need to know whether he will meet up with her.

Starwisher - he told her the thought of her fucking someone else and telling him about it turned him on and asked whether it would turn her on to know about him fucking his mrs. And it went from there.

He actually tries and wants to do the things her tells her he will. He emails her calling her princess which he has never called me, until yesterday.

What a shame blast.....whatever happens, you need to talk to him about it.....leaving isn't always the only solution..

I could never trust him again, whats that saying - fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me - or something like that.

I can't live my life doubting him and watching him when ever he moves his phone.

And he obviously has no respect for me.

Is he planning to meet her?

I don't know, I know he wants to he is just worried about getting caught.

If that's the deal breaker for you....ask him to meet up at a bar or hotel, and see if he goes

Waw he looking at pregnant women porn whilst you were pregnant op?

Aww dammandblast, I have been following this and want to say how sorry I am that you are facing all this. So sorry, how awful for you. What horrible things he is saying.

Regarding the things about how you look and stuff, I think that is horrible of him to say, and childish, and disrespectful that you carried babies in your tummy.

All I can hope is that it ends swiftly and you have some really good support around you and that you feel better soon. You landed up with a dud, how it hurts!

I don't think you should carry on to see how far he takes it. Why do you want to may I ask? Is there a possibility that you could forgive how far he has gone already?

Thinking of you.

I don't even know myself why I want/need to know if he will meet her.

I dont think it makes a difference now.

And yes he was looking at "9 month preggo" porn when I was pregnant. It was vile,

Sometimes, men suck.

Sorry to hear that damn. My heart goes out to you x

i've just read through all of these comments and OP i just want to say i'd be exactly the same as you. I've been a snoop and found out bad things about my DP that i really didn't want to know...we are working on it.
But in your situation i understand that you wouldn't ever trust him again. I DON'T think he knows its you, not all men are computer savvy...and as i have just been informed by DP he would never think to look at photo properties and he is on the computer all the time!!

I am probably alone but I don;t think that you are really that much in the wrong, it is a really hard an painful thing to open that pandoras box, you can never close it again. So fair play to you really for coping so well!!

As long as your children are safe and you are as well then you hurt that bastard as much as you please!!
and just an idea...if it were me i'd ask him to meet me at a hotel bar, or pub or restaurant, hide until he gets there and walk up behind him messaging him with turn around and see the look on his face when he realises he has betrayed a good woman and her children and ruined his life by being a cheating prick...just a thought :)

Good luck to you!! I am fully behind you, I know how bad life can get after snooping. Just don't go too far, try not to let your kids get too hurt in this xxx

Is there anyone else at all who would go guarantor for you on your new place??

Hi damn, thinking of u and hope you are ok. Life can be hard enough without this kind of shit to deal with. I know this sounds trite, but sometimes obstacles in our path are actually windows of opportunity and all that. How old are your DC's?

I think one of your bigger problems is that your DP would engage in a dialog, revealing certain things about your family with absolutely no clue who he is communicating with. It could be a 20 stone , bald tattooed gay wrestler for all he knows let alone his wife. Frankly you sound way too smart to be involved with someone engaging in this lunacy.......................

I'm Just a Bloke... but although he took the bait, you shouldn't have put it there in the first place. And I'm sorry to say this, but the only reason he would have taken the bait is if your relationship is lacking in some way.

Feel free to flame me, but it does make sense.

That being said, dump him.

He failed the test, and has proven that he's not worth it. I would arrange for a meetup with him, book a hotel room, then give him one last chance. Call him from your phone as his wife, as you, and ask him where he is. If he lies or does not leave the hotel room pretty fast.... that's it.... go to his room, watch him shit his pants, laugh as he tries to make up all the excuses about 'not actually going to go through with it' and just say that the other woman contacted you or you found the emails.

...but knowing how a guy's mind works DO NOT tell him it was you all along... if you do that, you'll be marked as a psycho ex in his mind and he'll use it to turn everyone he can against you.... no ... better off pretending you found out or were told.

Good luck, and I sort of want to say "have fun"?

I would never let him know it was me.

We had an arguement last night over something stupid, I was angry over all this really and I just lost my temper very easily.

I went to bed - and an email came through saying (to her) that he was sorry, he couldnt do this anymore, he didnt want to lose his woman or his child and that he was in the bad books and couldnt risk losing his family.

I didnt reply, I couldnt trust myself too I was that pissed of with him.

OP - I know you are convinced he doesnt know its you but his text last night really sounds like he does. You have a row and the email comes through saying cant do this anymore, dont want to lose my family. Why would he email this to the OW when the row has nothing to do with her and you supposedly have no idea about her? I think the email was meant for you to read and he has been playing with you and its all got out of hand. You need to end all of this now and talk to him, it must be an unbearable situation.

Damnandblast - it could be a good opportunity to 'as her' question him about why he was chatting to someone other than his wife and why he said all the stuff he has. I'de certainly say you were told and confront him, regardless.

Justabloke - I'm sure the OP thanks you for your interesting brand of 'support' - personally, I think the only thing her relationship is lacking is a man mature and respectful enough to say no to an opportunity. Sadly, looks like he'll learn his lesson by losing everything he has.