So fecking angry!

[paranoidandroidwreckmyownlife]

DH has just had to break the news to me that the chavvy fecking bitch who has been making a play for him is the only candidate suitable for promotion at work that has applied. yesterday was closing date online.
Whilst he said no, I've got kids and a wife he did indulge in some lighthearted flirty text banter with her for numerous months. All out in the open now and he is being very good, no more taking his phone into toilet, ensuite etc, but i'm a paranoid wreck and this news has left me shaking.
I'm so f#@king angry, how dare she even have the nerve, she a brazen f#@king bitch.
I know I'm being irrational and stupid but let me vent here for a while please for the sake of not venting at him, he knows how hard this is for me and is concerned about how we'll cope on a daily basis, he doesn't want the grief from me all the time.

I bought some laminate flooring half price at B&Q, but I'll always be a cheap decking tart, given half a chance. You sound bonkers.

I have plenty in my life with DCs keeping me v busy and good friends. I had no trust issues with DH fir over 10yrs.
Yes I know that's probably not her only reason. She has a DP who I've spoken to when it was found out and a toddler. He already knew and had threatened to leave her over constant texting.
I have met her a few times, always had a bad feeling about her too, even before I knew. Thought there was 'something' between him and someone at work, but it could have been much worse. If it had progressed to a real EA or PA I would have had no doubts about ending it.
I just need to rant ladies, in a safe space, and yes I am decking angry at him too, but I have let rip at him for his stupidity and insensitivity on numerous occasions. I have only had one calm back the F off and let us deal with our issues phone chat with her. I would have loved to let rip with every expletive known to man at her, but thought calm and scary was best at the time.

I bet he is not as well respected as he (and you ) thinks he is, if he has indulged in sexting with a subordinate. You should rant at him. If she has to work more closely with him, HE needs to look for a new job.

Really, if you do trust him, this shouldn't be bothering you that much.

I do feel for you, despite my harsh tone. My very recent ex was/probably still is actually shagging seeing someone he works with. It's so hurtful and creates a lot of anxiety.

I tried never to bad mouth or "judge" her, etc, but I did lose it with him and referred to her in less than flattering terms. I'm still ashamed of this. It's not her, it's him that's the problem.

Try to let this go, if you can. It could eat you up otherwise.

My bloomin (not) smart phone keeps swapping fecking for decking. Yes I do sound nuts, probably am, but just need a safe space to vent without losing the plot over something that could have been much worse in front of the entire family.

My view of her is made up from my feelings, her own boyfriends jaded view of their relationship, ( I feel very sorry for him actually as DH is not the only fool by the sounds of it over the years.)
And of course her tacky online photo gallery, if you make yourself googleable!

Why are you so angry at her? It makes no sense. If someone was flirting with me at work, and I didn't fancy them, I would ignore them or tell them to stop.

Even if I did fancy them, I'd tell them to stop. I mean, the odd flirty comment is one thing, constant texts is another.

Any sane and trustworthy person would do this. Ergo, your partner is not trustworthy. Your issue is squarely with him. Leave this woman alone, before you start looking like a complete looper.

You are consumed with jealousy. I don't see how you can get over this whilst he works in such close proximity as her.

Your husband cannot be trusted and when someone else comes along who shows him a bit of interest he will do it again, however it could be he fancied her first not the other way round. You only know what he has told you and he has already proved he is a lying cheating scum bag.

No matter what this other woman is like / isn't like / has done / hasn't done, it is none of your business. I'm afraid she has every right to behave dress or whatever exactly how she likes.

The issue is with your DH. If you trust him, then it should be a non issue. The fact that you are annoyed about the situation sounds like a symptom of the way your DH has treated you. It sounds as if he still needs to do an awful lot of redeeming still.

Did DH decide she was the only suitable candidate?

your problem is him not her and there is no way on earth she should miss out on a job that she is best qualified for because a superior indulged in a flirtation with her and his wife doesn't want her to get the job.

laws about that kind of thing thankfully.

Yellow and others, I'm not going to actually do anything. I keep saying I need a safe space to vent, I had hoped this could be it.
Yes my H was a complete arse, yes he deceived me, yes he's sorry and is now trying to put things right.
I've been through a cheating ex and grew up watching my dad cheat, yes that leaves me sensitive to cheats, and predatory women.

I just need to rant ladies, in a safe space
Thing is, that in a safe space, you're ranting about her rather than him when he is 100% to blame for the way you are feeling. 100%. It doesn't hurt when people come on to our partners, only when they reciprocate. You could've chosen to come on here and rant about him and what he's done. Your misdirected feelings towards her are utterly pointless, will achieve nothing at all and only stop you from moving forward.

If it had progressed to a real EA
If it had? He was taking his phone to the toilet. It lasted months.

however it could be he fancied her first not the other way round
I have been hit on by 5 married men this year (4 in December ?). Not once have I initiated it. I bet you 0 out of 5 would admit that to their wives.

Fabby, it was my ex that cheated. DH has been faithfull I'm sure for the many years we've been together.
He has though I think been a complete fool and yes of course I'm jealous. She's half my age and hasn't had the same amount of children, grey hairs and stress I have.

The thing is, there's no point in coming here to rant if you're going to rant about the wrong person. All that's going to do is confirm in your own mind that she is a dirty slag who's trying to nab you're man and he's...well, I know you don't think he's blameless, but you seem to be letting him off the hook a lot.

We could all sit here typing "oh poor you, what an awful bitch she sounds" and I'm sure a lot of women would, but personally, I don't see the point.

Why are you angry she's applying for a promotion?

By the way, I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I have been in a similar position to you (my husband slept with someone very shortly after we got together) and I understand the inclination to slag off the woman, but the only person that is going to hurt and torture is you.

so a cheating father and a cheating ex has made you have issues with predatory women?

it's cheating men you want to worry about and working out why you're attracted to them.

your*

It is worrying that if she gets the job she would be working closely with your H and surely that's not advisable for people who had an a dalliance?
Feel for you OP.

Oh goodness, I just needed to blow off some steam without blowing our family unit apart again.
I'm angry because I was just getting to grips with him still working with her on a daily basis, now he may have to be working closer, be trained up by him.
Yes I find it hard to deal with.
I'm not letting him off the hook, we've had many rows I've screamed and shouted at him
I've played merry hell, but it wouldn't help out situation now, after Relate, we're trying to rebuild things, not tear them down again.
I just haven't let my feelings out much about her. In the summer I popped into DHs work for the first time in a long while and she gave me such a dirty look, that started my suspicion to be honest.
Like I keep saying, I just wanted a safe space to rant. Thank you for all your differing viewpoints though.

ClaraSage, thank you. Simple and well put, yes.

I'm on your side para!
Have you asked him how he'll cope if he has to work so closely with her?
It's not advised as you'll know from your Relate sessions. He really should have no contact with her. But as that's impossible he will need to let you know how he is going to handle things.
How resent is the EA?

I would be uncomfortable in your shoes too. Because your relationship since this is still a work in progress. You still aren't over it, why should you be? But I think you need to accept this was an emotional affair and your DH is going to let them be thrown together again. I think HE has a huge amount of work to do with you. I also think HE should be looking at finding another job or moving to another department or whatever. She has every right to apply for promotion. Would it be your H making the final decision? Because he is damned if he promotes her and damned if he doesn't.

Recent! I found out mid November.
He has done lots to reassure me.
Has not booked Christmas do, wants to leave it a while to give me time. Area manager is hassling him.
This whole job thing may now well be out of his hands. If no one else applied he can't express a preference for anyone else in interviews. And like some say, why should she miss out if she's good enough.
DH has already ( in one of our many bust ups over this) said, he's dreading her getting job as it will probably make our home situation unbearable. No I don't trust him either at the moment, he knows that. He may not have had a full affair but he's lied to me and betrayed my trust.