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Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
ouryve · 20/12/2011 18:24

You seem awfully concerned for us, AF.

You wanted an example of a guy who does posh wanks. I gave you one.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:24

He said he shared a room last time he went

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:25

What if I never found it? God, I'm so ...gah!!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:26

So you did, ourvye

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:27

Has anyone, in the history of condom wrapper finders, had an explanation that wasn't cheating

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 20/12/2011 18:28

Okay, would this work as an approach?

Be direct. Tell him you have found something recently that leads you to believe he may have cheated on you. Do NOT tell him exactly what it is -- just say that you have come across something and you are now asking him flat out to be honest about whether he has been faithful or not.

See what he says. If you think he is really that honest, perhaps he will just come clean. Perhaps he will be evasive or insist nothing happened. Let him go on and on and keep him guessing what you have found. When he gets to the point where he seems confident again and thinks you don't really have any proof, drop the bomb that you found a condom wrapper and ask him for a reasonable explanation for that. Then see his reaction. He will have thought he got away with it but be thrown that you have actual evidence and might crack.

What do you think?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:30

good plan, DB

much better than these oblique references to "was the room nice ?"

that will get you nowhere

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 18:32

Dreaming, you could work for M15! Don't forget the light in his eyes if you take that approach, OP.

dreamingbohemian · 20/12/2011 18:34

All those years of watching Law & Order may have finally paid off...

dreamingbohemian · 20/12/2011 18:35

Imperial Grin

ameliagrey · 20/12/2011 18:36

it's highly unlikley he would share a room with another guy- unless he's a polititician Smile- most companies would not be that cheapskate.

My DH travels a lot and would refuse to share a room- if it ever came to that.

This is a washbag you are talking about- or a suit case?

I've been thinking you meant a wash bag but now see you mentioned hand luggage.

why would he have a suitcase so near the bed as to drop a condom wrapper in it?

But it's possible.

I am really sorry but i think the obvious answer is the most likely.

I don't know how you can wait to tomorrow- I'd be calling him and asking to meet today saying there was something I needed to say.

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 18:38

My ex, who was a complete knob, was - as my policewoman friend used to say - a barrister's dream.

When faced with a question like, "Are you having an affair?" he would shout, "Who told you?"

Don't know why I think that's funny now, because of course it was awful - kind of black humour, I suppose.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:39

whether he shared a room or not is immaterial

the chances of some one else's condom wrapper "falling" into his bag are remote

and what does it signify ?

some one had sex in that hotel room...

ImperialBlether · 20/12/2011 18:40

Can you tell us what sort of business trip he goes on (without identifying yourself)? I just can't imagine why they would share. I work in the public sector and we don't have to - any business sending staff to the States clearly has the money not to, either.

Geordieminx · 20/12/2011 18:41

If he has an iPhone there are apps such as "what's app" which are free messaging services, that don't show up on your phone bill. Worth checking whether he has this installed. Also unless he has altered the settings it automatically saves any pictures that are sent into his camera roll.

Just saying.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:41

Someone asked if maybe it fell out of a wash bag amelia, I think. The wrapper was in a bag I lent him. It's large enough for hand luggage.

DB, I was just going to say I found this - then hold it up and see his reaction. I wanted to ask if he shared a room beforehand otherwise he could pass it as being someone else's. If he didn't share a room that's not possible.

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:43

Yes he has whatsapp, I'm sure he would just delete messages though.

If it was a one night fling, he wouldn't have messages though.

He works in the public sector, in sales

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:43

BBM's leave no evidence either

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:44

I know it's very remote AF, but he could say well my mate was sharing a room with me and he must've dropped it. Then that'll be it

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:46

Then you have to do as DB says, and not reveal your evidence

As soon as he sees you with that condom wrapper, of course he is going to say "yes I shared"

it'sthe obvious excuse isn't it ?

if you must ask him if he shared, don't let him know why you are asking

felicitywits · 20/12/2011 18:46

OP, whatever he says, you don't sound very happy in this relationship.

LOADS of times women tie themselves in agonised knots trying to collect 'enough' evidence, or 'proof', to end a relationship.

It is okay - and probably better - to end a relationship because it's not making you happy, for whatever reason. You don't need proof he cheated if he's not treating you as well as you deserve.

KatAndKit · 20/12/2011 18:47

The answer to this one seems blindingly obvious. All this talk of room sharing, phone apps, posh wanks. He had a condom. He doesn't use them with you. So he purchased some to use with someone else. It really is that simple.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:47

I thought I was happy, overall. He's not abusive, yes we have ups and downs but I'm quite difficult too

OP posts:
Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 18:48

Yes it is blindingly obvious, kit. But I don't want to believe it just yet

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 20/12/2011 18:49

I think it is

But Op is desperate to find a reason any reason for it not to be so

When really, the best thing at this juncture would be simply to walk away from the fucking lot of it