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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found a condom wrapper

582 replies

KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 14:54

I'm freaking out. As some of you know my DP went on a business trip. He borrowed my bag for hand luggage. I've just found the corner piece of a condom wrapper. I don't know what to do. I need to ask him face-to-face. Is there any way this could be innocent?! Help

OP posts:
cordiality · 20/12/2011 21:37

Is there any way of working out if that condom wrapper is from the uk or the us? I seem to remember that the packaging is different (from the days when I used to have sex...)

SucksToBeMe · 20/12/2011 21:47

Why do people cheat?. It ruins so many lives and for what??? Sad

dreamingbohemian · 20/12/2011 21:53

Kiss I hope I won't creep you out if I say you've been utterly lovely and funny on this thread -- you deserve so much better than this, I hope you'll be feeling better soon, one way or another.

toptramp · 20/12/2011 21:57

Why don't you ask him op? Put your mind at rest.

StealthPolarBear · 20/12/2011 21:58

Just to add my thoughts

Stuff like this somtimes happens to me, random stuff turning up on odd places. So far never the sort of stuff hat points to an affair but same principle.

Also I work in public sector and was asked to share aroom. We refused Amd found a place doing 2 rooms for the same price but it does happen.

Not saying this sounds hopeful, op I think chances are he cheated. Just wanted to add some other views.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 22:14

cordiality there is a number on the corner 0086. I googled it and couldn't find anything.

dreamingbohemian thank you Smile

toptramp because I don't want to ask him over the phone

stealth thanks. I've been coming up with crazy scenarios. I even think maybe my cat put it in there Blush

OP posts:
Saturdaynightbeaver · 20/12/2011 22:18

0086 on the corner of a condom packet? This is like Stieg Larsson Xmas Grin

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 22:19
Xmas Grin
OP posts:
Saturdaynightbeaver · 20/12/2011 22:23

I'm going to add to what dreamingbohemian said ealier and I'm not creepy either. You are an absolutely star. Some posters write an OP similar to yours then get all arsey and defensive when they hear what they don't want to. You are brilliant and have taken it all with good humour. I really hope this all works out for you and I don't think you have 'MUG' tatooed on your forehead.

ameliagrey · 20/12/2011 22:27

Kiss Just read your other post about him wanting space.

Did he actually use that word? Or did he say he was tired or had stuff to do?
Was that "normal" behaviour for him- or completely out of character?

When my DH comes back on the morning flight from a US trip he is jet lagged for days and by Sunday he would want an easy day. But he would not have said he needed "space"- sleep and a bit of down time on his own perhaps.

How did your P word it?

You see, looking at the worst scenario, it could look as if he wanted to scarper if he was feeling guilty about anything that had happened- that plus the floppy episode - or he could have just been tired out.

You are the only one who knows him and you have to go with your instincts.

The only other reason it was there would maybe- just maybe - if it had already been in the room - another couple- and room not cleaned properly- and it was somehow scooped up, or stuck on his shoe or sock, sock etc went into bag etc etc.

But not really likely.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 22:35

Thank you saturdaynight i didn't want to hear 'oh it's nothing don't worry' as I know it's something to worry about. Yes, there may be a tiny possibility it's nothing and it got there by accident, I'm holding out a tiny bit of hope for now.

amelia he said he needed alone time. He's said this many times before in our relationship. I do too. I was just annoyed he said if after not seeing me for 10 days. Also re the flop, well I'm hoping he was just tired

OP posts:
Saturdaynightbeaver · 20/12/2011 22:36

How long have you been with him?

Heleninahandcart · 20/12/2011 22:40

Checking mileage, breaking phones, interrogation techniques, serial numbers? You lot, and you know who you are imperial, dreaming, and you OP should have been sent in to find the WMD Wink

I like your style OP, holding on to your sense of you. You've had excellent advice on here, I'm hoping against the odds that there is a viable explanation x

AlfalfaMum · 20/12/2011 22:46

I like you, OP. You are strong and you have self-respect, please please keep it that way; don't take any bullshit from this man.

fuzzynavel · 20/12/2011 22:51

Just read rest of thread since posting.

Seems like, yes,

He's had a night/s of lust away - Christmas party booze up thing - and is a guilty as hell, hence the limp dick syndrome and the wanting "space" due again to his concience.

I'd call it on him OP. Tell him outright. (I'd be straight round there, but that's me)

It's up to you if you wish to carry on with this relationship.

You do seem like a lovely girl and he aint worth all this angst.

Good luck though sweetheart.

Original poster
KissMyShineyRedA · 20/12/2011 23:11

Gosh, I'm getting all weepy-eyed here. Thank you.

I don't know why I didn't go straight round there, I thought I would have. I guess the shock made me curl up into a ball and just want to tuck myself away and think up crazy explanations.

I feel better prepared now for tomorrow

OP posts:
TheTruthNothingButTheTruth · 20/12/2011 23:15

Oh dear, this is not looking good for the OP. The only saving grace would be that there was just a tiny wrapper and not the entire wrapper of the condom. Why only a tiny fragment?
The only explanation is that he did the bad deed in some ones flat, dumped the condom and wrappers etc into his bag, came back to the hotel and got rid of the evidence but this tiny fragment got left over and he did not realise it.
Men do use condoms to wank but Never in a hotel room, hotel room sheets are meant to be used so they get messy .Wink

fuzzynavel · 20/12/2011 23:21

Aw sweetheart

Our instincts and findings are usually right. Well done you!

It will only probably be the end if you call it. He will also probably grovel massively (if he admits)

We can all say "leave the bastard" but worse things happen at sea (or so I'm told)

Go armed with squillions of support and say exactly what you want to

He's the one that's done this, not you.

momnipotent · 20/12/2011 23:21

I don't envy your position OP.

Key point to remember: you deserve so much better than this.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow!

It's many years since I used condoms but the ones in the UK were packaged so that the condom was an oval shape and the package was rectangular, whereas condoms here (Canada) are packaged so that the condom is circular and the package is square. Not sure if that is universal for all brands though.

Regardless, if you (as a couple) don't regularly use condoms he would have had to make the effort to get some, either from a store or a vending machine in the washroom of a bar. Not generally part of the toiletries provided by hotels IME!

Shitty situation to be in.

liverLadyLass · 20/12/2011 23:41

Hi op sorry your going through this, I hope he does have an innocent explanation for you and your plans together go as planned,,
My head tells me that he's used it,and whilst opening it the piece that you found he may have flung it and it has landed in the bag without him noticing,I also think this has been a one night thing,as for you saying he was all over you the last time,I hope I'm wrong, good luck god bless xx

essexmumma · 20/12/2011 23:41

Keep us informed OP! Good luck!

ripitupandstartagain · 20/12/2011 23:46

Could the condom have been part of some kind of daft secret santa? I have witnessed this kind of thing. Unlikely but possible if there was an office party involved.

liverLadyLass · 21/12/2011 00:53

I explained and I've just asked my hubby and he says unless he was sharing the room with someone, he's up to something...
Good luck

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 21/12/2011 01:30

I think you would be better out of this relationship either way. He doesn't make you feel good about yourself. You have doubts. He has doubts. That's all before you've even moved in together - let alone been through anything major together...

Many men who are very vocal about how terrible it is to have an affair are the ones who don't see their infidelity in the same light.

Bloodymary · 21/12/2011 08:57

Have just read the whole thread.
Good luck for today OP, you sound a strong woman!