please help-answered phone to ow had no idea- now sick to stomach, going crazy

[sowhatamigoingtodonow]

please help anyone who has experienced this.

dh was asleep night before last and i took his phone, from under his pillow where he always keeps it, jealously guards (i know i know all clear now) to call my own phone as couldn't find it. then a girl called i answred, she asked for dh, i told her he's sleeping, she asked me to tell him to call her back..and then 'but who are you/ i'm his wife, who are you/etc' and she told me she met him last week in a bar and they have met a couple of times since and had sex. she was very apologetic, said there was no way she would have slept with him if she knew he was married, etc

i woke him, afraid i did attack him physically but our dd (2) was in the bed so i had to stop.
he started lying and lying and finally only admitted the very bare minimum he couldn't deny. i did convince him by speaking very calmly and quietly that he had to give all details. he complained that it was very uncomfortable to talk about and was angry to be asked questions
he went outside to smoke and i locked him out so he slept in the car i think, in the morning i'm afraid i attacked him twice more. i'm not a violent person normally but when i saw him i literally flew into a ballistic rage and wanted to kill him. i'm only sorry that i'm so f-ing feeble i couldn't really do him damage. and sorry because the kids saw me (DDs 2 and 4yrs)

my ds is home from uni for 3 weeks only so i do not want to give him this drama and put him in the terrible position of having to defend me. and my whole family (sister/brother/dad and gf and her 2 kids are coming to stay for 2 weeks from next week)
this is a really special xmas we've been planning for months and i can't fuck it up for everyone by being a crazy fucking mess with a cheating shitbag dh.
i just had to get away yesterday, took ds for a night away visiting my friend.
today i have to go back
getting away with ds i managed to stop the uncontrollable crying
but i don't know if i can control myself physically when i see dh. i just want to take a stick and beat him and beat him
i don't know if we can seriously survive this. i can't stomach the thought of staying but i seriously just wish this had never happened. or even that i didn't know. seriously. it's too much to cope with
2 days ago i was happy now i'm mad with hate
what can i do?

Best not to engage. Stebie may be making a knee-jerk post, and may not have read the thread and seen that we have been there and done that and come out the other side. Let's just ignore and move on.

I suppose you would expect your husband to give you a pumelling if you ever cheated on him?

got to love a festive troll...

Happy Xmas!

Fallatio - just read your post, yes agree, will ignore and move on

Millicano you know its true :)

How rude. Bye then millo!

Steve, it's really bad what op did, I agree with you. But the priority is for people to get her to see, staying in the same house with him is no good.

Not in this frame of mind, not over a pressured Christmas so it can't happen again.

Name calling is really not helping anyone, it just looks bad.

Millo, hun. I was talking about your husband giving you a good whacking actually but nevermind. I noticed you weren't too keen on answering that one?
My cunt is great thanks, needs a trim tho. Bit bushy. Off topic though.

No excuse for violence though is there. There's been too much sympathy for her here. and my name is not Steve thanks.

i dont think violence is always wrong.

IME DV is about fear and control. From the information given i don't think there was either, and certainly not for a prolonged length of time.

I think the DV aspect is derailing the whole discussion and if people shout for the children to be taken away are in fact bollockses..

and what is absolutley not being addressed is the actual Problem that this poor woman has found herself in

mumsnet hysteria at it's best, well done

Tough, you've been reported as well, have a nice day.
Am shocked that people are getting more irate by my post, which, alright could have been more polite..but I think I had a fair point.

She's not a poor woman, clearly. Capable of defending herself quite well. Good on yer, op.

Hope SoWhat is OK. She hasn't been back. :(

stevies Fri 16-Dec-11 12:10:39
What would happen if this happens again, or if someone hurts/angers/upsets you in any way. Say there was a knife lying next to you. What on earth would you do

---

also , say there was a spaceship and the alien had a ray gun - would you vaporise him?

also, say starsky and hutch were driving along and you were in theback seat - would you run him over?

(i would)

I'm not a troll, you are making some strange assumptions. I'm not a defender of any violence ever, and would never consider a violent person as someone who needs concern, unless they at least accept that they shouldn't have done it. Op doesn't seem particularly worried about her behaviour. How do we know it isn't a regular occurence anyway?

Custardo have you just come in here for fight with stevies? As how is that helping?

Rather than having a go at other people for showing up MN, why don't you just let it lie huh?

Hehe, good one custard. Funny! chortles heartily

Thunder,OP's namechanged to Longgroan.

what you gonna do about it