Face slapping during

[Allabitmuch]

Am a regular but have name changed for this.

Have recently started seeing someone after a loooong time out of the game. Things seem to have changed a lot since when I was last single (am in my mid-thirties.)

This man is (as far as I can know seeing as I've only met him fairly recently) kind, considerate respectful and fun. I like him although I'm remaining fairly circumspect - it's very early days and I don't really know where I'm hoping things will go yet.

The thing is, he has expressed an interest in slapping my face during sex. Now I'm not really a strictly lights off vanilla type of woman. I'm happy to experiment and try new things, but this is definitely pushing at the very edges of my boundaries I have to say. I'm not sure.

And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, thanks.

This is perverse next he will have a plasic bag over your head or want to strangle you just a little bit Big no no from me.

OP you have used the word 'exciting'. This is how i used to call a very abusive ex.

These men are very 'exciting' in the begining, also very charming.

You say that you can take it or leave it. Hmm. Be careful. The 'relationship' with them goes 1,000 miles per hour, everything is very intense, the lows but also the good moments are very intense, and you can find yourself addicted by the time you say 'shit'. Trust me, i had flowers sent at my work, him singing under my balcony, surprises at airports etc. It becomes like drugs, the highs and the lows, anything else seems dull. Be very careful.

Also they are usually very caring and 'protective' (=controlling)

P.S. Mine was well known media persona and he had done programmes on dv

If anyone sang under my balcony... (presuming that is NOT a metaphor!! )... I would be mortified.... hmmm, unless it was the lead singer of Green Day... and in which case, even if it was a metaphor, HE could sing under my balcony any time...

sorry..... carry on...

"Sparks you are spectacularly missing the point. More switched on posters aren't even talking about the sex act.

More as to why this whole situation, now clarified is making the op uncomfortable. There is probably good train behind it.

The point is, she obviously isn't "happy"."

Which is why i've maintained a no!

No i'm not. Numerous posters are trying to relate their own extreme more experiences to this one. We all speak as we see and some comments have been ridiculous.

I couldn't and wouldn't do what the OP's partner is asking. What i object to is the male must be a monster default. It's highly insulting and not representative of most males.

There is no male=monster assumption on this thread. But some people are expressing concern that a person who spends their professional life supporting victimised trafficked women actually privately eroticises sexual violence. Big difference.

But you see, i was not mortified. i was melted. And i thought it was romantic and funny when neighbours were calling the police, and i thought it was 'cool' that he 'doesn't give a shite if its 4am'. Once you are falling for this type of bastard you become hypnotized (sp), and as i said it goes very fast, thats why i'm worry about op.

laq , you wouldn't make that mistake again though would you ?

which is why some of us try to warn women about situations like this

I wish someone had tried to help me when I was making an arse of my life about men

Laq, I do understand what you are saying. I have done it myself. Got involved with someone who (to me at the time) seemed the epitome of charming, besotted with me, and while my friends, male and female, were telling me that he was a complete twat, I thought they were so wrong... errrr no... they really were not. But I found that out for myself a couple of months down the line when I realised I was with a psycho. Luckily I got out of it as quickly as I could, but it made me realise that I was not the good judge of character that I had previously been. It was the "wake up" relationship that I had needed for a long time though, and it was the making of me.

No, i 've learned the expensive lesson AF.

Oh i so wish i had mn then.

would you have listened laq ?

would you advise Op to listen ?

yy squeakytoy when you are into the situation you don't want to listen to your friends

I always think, if someone comes on here and starts a thread, then they know that something isnt right.

I do wish MN or any sort of forum had been around years ago.. I certainly wouldnt have made a lot of the fuck ups that I made. But then I wouldnt be able to offer any advice either, so it all evens out I suppose.

Hmm i wouldn't have listened at the begining, no. . I even told a friend that she is jelous of my exciting life x 100. This friend was there to pick my pieces later and she came with me to the police station. Thats the point i would have listened and get help - towards the end of the relationship. By which time i was a wreck.

I do hope OP listens before it is late though.

Back in the day, I would have been telling the OP her boyfriend was just a bit of a misunderstood sensitive soul

and because he's asked her something nicely, he was a keeper

and that if she loved him, she could overlook just this little something that was making her uncomfortable, because it was her issue to deal with, and that a bit of harmless porn was everywhere and we all might as well accept it

much like some of the pillocks would do on this thread, if sensible switched on people didn't come along and shine a light on it

OP, I hope this thread has shined a light for you, even if it is just a tiny flickering glow at the moment

on that note, I thank you and good night

Whatever consening adults consent to do is fine. If you don't like it don't do it.

I have learned SO much on this thread. really. Thanks so very much to all of you!

yy 'misunderstood sensitive soul'. I would also say that those against it are 'boring', 'old fashioned' etc.

I think very very few people listen until something really bad has happened. Cant say I blame them... I have done it myself. We all think we are going to be the one who can "change" that person, and it is human nature to believe that we are going to be something more special than the predecessor.

Hindsight and reality tell us a completely different thing.

I honestly lie awake in bed sometimes and have horrific flashbacks to the mistakes I made in the past. I am very happily married now, and have been for ten years.. but there are a previous ten years of my life that I wish I could erase from my memory. I wish I could say that my 20's were a haze of drunken and druggy fogginess that I couldnt recall, but sadly I can, and I hate the person I was back then, but I have realised that it is futile to spend life regretting things that you cant change. Doesnt stop the occasional flashbacks though.

If something I post on here can make one woman think twice, and keep her away from a situation, then at least it hasnt all been for nothing I suppose.. if that makes sense.

I don't think anyone on this thread has told the OP to 'overlook' this, AnyFucker.

There's been a hell of a lot of projection going on on this thread.

Weird day on MN today.

Hmm. You always get the more mundane mindset shrieking and howling about the evils of internet porn and 'wierd' sex ie anything they don't fancy themselves - but the great big elephant in the room is the lingering cultural assumption that women don't like sex very much, prefer 'love and romance' and exist to please men so they can't trust their own judgement. So the fact that the OP is asking whether what her new playmate seems to like is OK or not is not necessarily an indication that there's anything majorly wrong, just that she's been socialised to consider everyone's opinion valid apart from her own.

OP, the worst that can happen if you dump this man is that, well, you dumped him. And you might have had some fun and some enjoyable sex with him. But that's OK. It's a lot better than continuing a relationship with someone you are not that comfortable with in order not to be single. THink about what you want, and if he's not it, walk away and don't feel bad about doing so.

Thanks for turning up, SGVB.

Had actually half-written a post about the 'loudest voices' on these sorts of threads, and also find it a total headfuck when women are told that they're undoubtedly victims when their own posts aren't necessarily saying that.
It just seems to me like more voices effectively saying they don't know their own minds, their word's not good, etc. - which in the long run is quite undermining for women generally - however well intentioned it might be.
I can see the sense of pointing out possible dangers, but the offloading of a ton of assumptions in these threads seems quite counterproductive.
Had to say that, because it really gets to me.

SGB, I don't think that's where everybody raising an eyebrow is coming from, actually. I have no issue with kinkers coming from the BDSM scene looking for like-minded sexual partners openly and honestly- as you say, it's generally based on trust and consent, and perhaps sometimes people working out their own stuff in a way they find safe. I do, however, find it rather bizarre and concerning that a bloke who is on the mainstream dating scene and is a professional working with sexually abused women, is quickly bringing up fairly out-there stuff with a new partner who doesn't know him well, and it worries me that it is stuff based on violence and humiliation of women. Something about it doesn't sit well with me- and it sounds like the OP is getting a whiff of Not Quite Right too.

Human sexuality is a weird and wonderful thing, and we can't divorce it from the world we live in: we've all been brought up with certain influences that have shaped who we are and what is swirling about in our erotic imaginations. But if a person's intimate repertoire is based crudely on the dull approximation of sex that a major porn habit produces, or seems massively incongruent with their professed public attitude to others, then that rings alarm bells for me. I don't think that makes me mundane, in and of itself: it's just sensible, surely?

I think you've got this one wrong SGB.

There is no sense from this OP that her judgement of this situation has been tainted by a cultural expectation that she shouldn't enjoy sex, or that she prefers 'love and romance'. You might have something though about 'existing to please men' and not trusting her own judgement, even when her own instincts were telling her that this request was a step too far for her personally.

The original OP provided a commentary on how much seems to have changed since the OP was last single, in terms of the requests made by new male sexual partners. The OP herself asked:

"And I guess my question is, is this normal sexual practice these days? Things seem to have changed so much. When I was last single and dating, no man ever expressed an interest in ejaculating on a womans face - now all men seem to desire this. Does this preference of his suggest a secret liking for sadistic porn to you? A lack of respect maybe? Or is this just a harmless thing that lots of couples like to do?"

So the OP wanted to know whether this has become the norm or whether we thought it was linked to sadistic porn and a lack of respect. The majority of posters have said that it's not their norm, that they believe that the reason the OP has noticed a difference is because of porn, a few posters have linked this behaviour to more generalised abuse and some posters have recalled feelings of vulnerability and tearfulness while in submissive roles. Many posters expressed disquiet about the blurring of professional and personal boundaries.

Most people however have said that it doesn't matter what is acceptable to others and queried whether if everyone had said that the OP should quit being a 'mundane' and 'get with the programme' - the OP would have convinced herself that she was somehow out of step and (aptly for this thread) should just roll with the punches.

I think it's a very different cultural conditioning that is being queried here - one where women have been socialised to engage in sexual practices that cause them discomfort and disquiet. One that promotes fear that they are somehow abnormal and 'mundane' for saying no to things that do nothing for them sexually. It's a new tyranny on female sexuality and IMO, just as repressive as the ones you mention.

I totally abhor the prospect of a Like button on MN, but if we had one right now, Charbon, I'd be totally compromising my principles and hitting the fucker till it faded from over-use.

Awful. Ick. What happened to gentle romance?