''I just WISH I could find someone worthy of a proper relationship instead of a long stream of fuckwits" Dating chat #6

[lubeybooby]

here we go... all dating related chat HERE!

:o

Sponge - I reckon they just say it to get a woman into bed. It is part of the patter. After twat head and I ended, he started cracking on to a girl I worked with. Course, I could predict absolutely everything he would say and do...and I was right too, as confirmed by her same shit, different girl ;)

Re Love Actually... I do like the bit where the PM sticks it up the US President, although Obama has just visited Australia and charmed the pants off the country. Maybe it was just Bush that made my skin crawl with his evil misguided extremist christian bumbling? My favourite dialog in the movie is:
Daisy: [excited] We've been given our parts in the nativity play. And I'm the lobster.
Karen: The lobster?
Daisy: Yeah!
Karen: In the nativity play?
Daisy: [beaming] Yeah, first lobster.
Karen: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
Daisy: Duh.

zany, now you know I'm quite fond of you and fantasise about you from time to time but Forrest bloody Gump! My daughter likes that one and also I Am Sam. I'm afraid I have no patience with simpletons so both movies just annoyed the utter shit out of me. Re dating... I am going to back right off for a while. The quiet one was a suggestion by a mutual friend so I went along with it, but the plan is to leave things until the new year and reassess.

stay, they say men love the women they have sex with whereas women have sex with the men they love. It's a generalisation but I think it has some merit. Maybe it would be better if we asked for "uncomplicated sex" rather then "casual sex"? Some years ago I met a woman on PoF. We didn't click as such but stayed mates on FB and months later she rang and said she was bored and asked if I'd be up for some no strings attached uncomplicated sex. It was a one off, the sex was great, and the friendship has survived.

hates, I think we all pretend to ourselves that the possibility of a relationship is at least on our radar so we keep that option open until all boxes are either ticked or crossed. If the quiet one had been less needy and clingy, hadn't had an annoying voice, and if we'd been more compatible sexually maybe it would have been a goer... maybe not... but it took a couple of weeks to arrive at that outcome even though I felt it was always heading that way. I don't see myself as a player, but if I meet someone and sex is offered as it quite often is I'm not going to knock it back but with experience I've found myself backing away because it can come back and bite you fair in the arse. I'm not commenting on anyone on here, but there are women who think 'cos they bonk you the deal is signed, sealed and delivered now let's go pick curtains!

Watch you will bounce back because you are resilient and have a sense of humour.

The last guy I met online, known as Red Flag Man, who was gorgeous, chatted to me on Skype for four months from abroad and wove a web of dreams we could share together. But after a week together he disappeared and didn't speak to me for 2 months.

I think he was afraid of getting involved and afraid of his feelings. I had seen the red flags, run him past the MN experts and binned him after our week together. It hurt but was better than getting more attached to a Loser.

I think some of these guys are just damaged and incapable of relationships. At least we are heart whole and healthy even if we get hurt.

Papa Smurf - Yes I think the way you put it is what the bloke that wrote the article was on about. My favorite bit of love actually...the PM doing his dancing. Cracks me up everytime! When it comes to sad, weepy films, my ultimate is american history x. I also would be highly surprised if you were a player, I doubt you were promising the quiet one the moon were you? :) What happened to the other woman you were chatting to, the rather full on one? Knocked on the head too?

re players, hmm, I suspect they actually do believe that the women they get involved with want to get with them/be part of their lives/have a relationship with them.

Little while ago I was shagging seeing a bloke who felt the need to emphasize that he didnt do relationships and he didnt do girlfriends
I wanted to say 'dont flatter yourself sunshine, you're no use to me I'm only here for the fucking'
(of course I didnt)

he spoke as if he had a queue of women who wanted to marry him

stay, I eased away from the full on one very quickly. Bit too manic for my liking. She seems to have absented herself from my FB friend list too so that's nice and tidy.

Personally i think being a cynic is the worst enemy when internet dating. One bad experience shouldn't sully future experiences. As in real life you have to see through the BS. :-)

I think some men think they have to play a game to get a shag, saying the things they think we want to hear but don't understand that for some women, the shag is all we are after. Quite often though they can't accept that fact

My date was ok but not for me, nice looking but total opposites on outlook on life. Very polite and respectful so if anyone is looking for someone is Essex, let me know and I'll point him out to you

Downside of the evening is the Setup man spent the whole evening texting insults. First got called a mess (no need for insults) then a fat slag, then a fat whore and the last one was told to lose weight I replied with- you are welcome to your opinion now leave me alone - really feel like texting him... I can lose weight but you will always be cnut! But I won't stoop to his level. So pleased he has no knowledge of my full name or where I live, pathetic loser!!!

setup man shows his true colours eh Mscello...props for not stooping to his level!

Mscello - ignore. I would be wary about giving out your mobile number too soon for that reason! You clearly had a lucky escape!

Ms cello - what an inadequate little person - just ignore, they'll get bored soon enough...

as to the players, lord only knows what goes on in their strange little heads. I wouldn't invest 4 months in getting into someones knickers and then stroll on - what very strange behaviour! I guess they enjoy that more than going clubbing and seeing what is left when the lights go up.

OEG, wasn't OEG, but a creepy sweet inexperienced 30 year old who wants a 'mature woman' to teach him the ways of lovvvvvvvvvvve. No thanks. :)

MsCello if this weirdo continues to harrass you, you are well within your rights to contact the police.

Tell him that.

You can report him to the site as well. If he's being abusive towards you then you can bet he's been doing it to other women too.

MrsC if I were you I would write a testimonial about this man on POF warning other women what he is like. There is a section to do this. Assuming you 'met' him on POF? And yes, report him to the site, ignore him but don't let him get away with it.

mrs cello - are you ok? how horrible. Id report him to the site. I also wouldnt mind betting his ' friend' the other week was actually him too.

snape - yeah, you will be passing on that huh. lol

swallowed - go for it

thanks for all your comments yesterday. End of the day i did believe his shit. I got totally taken in by it, because im a nice, and trusting, non cynical person. I will remain as such as well. To quote kelis, might trick me once, but i wont let you trick me twice.
Given up trying to work out why he went to all that effort when he didnt need to and it was clear he didnt need to.. but thats his problem and not mine.

See, i bounce back quickly :) possibly caused by msg overlode in my takeway

What an idiot he is Ms Cello don't take what he says to heart, report him and then forget about the twat.

Poppa Forest GUmp is classic, I must have watched it dozens of times and have now got my DC's addicted to it. My cheer up film is Airplane or Naked Gun.

So who's on dates this weekend? I'm seeing Mr Yach tonight and then having a snuggled up on the sofa night with my DC's tomorrow

i honestly think that a lot of 'so called' players are actually just really emotionally immature and in love with the drama of it all - the charming, suspense etc etc but have no capacity for anything deeper than that. i reckon the most successful are the ones who really believe it when they're saying it.

i went out with a guy briefly a few years back who was all big talk about how special i was, how he hadn't felt this way for years ra ra ra ra ra ra. turned out to be a complete serial monogamist - always the same, fall madly in love, tell everyone how amazing the girl was, parade her around his friends etc etc and then just switch on them a few months later over nothing. he reckoned he was all fucked up and damaged by the girl who had cheated on him like 15years ago! pathetic creature caught in a cycle of desperately wanting someone and then freaking out and running away. he also turned out to have one of those adolescent tempers that has a thing for punching walls.

point is it was a complete turnaround - who he was at the end was totally unrecognisable from the guy he was at the beginning. he wasn't actually smart enough to be a player he was actually just a fuck up who didn't know himself at all so repeated the same stupidity over and over hurting everyone along the way. i felt really stupid despite the fact that i'd reached a point where i didn't want to be with him and could see he was a nob of the first degree. i felt stupid for believing in the person i met and not seeing that it was fake but i believed him because he believed himself - when they actually believe themselves then you have no reason to doubt them. i will in future though - think it's another 'type' of nutter that i now have clocked and referenced and will not make the mistake of getting involved with again.

oops long post sorry

Or name and shame him on here and we will bombard him with messages We could keep him busy for a few weeks with bogus dates!

omg mscello! what a nasty piece of work. that's a child having a nasty lash out tantrum.

god there are some fucked up people in the world who never made it to adulthood.

swallowed - i reckon you have something there. tent pants did that, phoned me several times a day, said how he hadnt felt this way in forever etc... etc...
took him self off the dating site ( isnt back on it yet) i was really hesitant and it made me quite warey, i almost cancelled because he was so full on.
but it was all shit.
or maybe he did feel that way at the time, in which case he has some pretty serious emotional issues.

i like times idea of bogus dates mrs cello..... and time, you have a nice evil streak in there! lol. good for you and remind me not to cross you :)

I dislike abusive men with a passion watch and it seems MrsC has hit upon one. He needs teaching a lesson, even though he will probably not learn from it.

As for the bullshit tripe these men come out with, I never believe it. Actions speak louder than words so take the words with a pinch of salt until you have seen him in action. These men just think they are clever, they build themselves up to be something they aren't then they can't live up to it so have no alternative but to disappear. Before they are found out to be the inadequate men they really are. We give men far too much credit for intelligence.

MsCello omg what an ARSEHEAD. Take no notice of him and report to the site if you can at all.

Watch yes that's exactly my point, you have been your lovely, upfront, non lying self, he has been a total lying gameplaying wanker. Therefore he is the twat and not you. They make it their personal mission to be believeable - don't be hard on yourself.

yeah, i feel better today. Thanks lubey.. happens to all of us at some point i guess.
anyway, just working out my stats ( while talking to time..) and since june it seems men have a 40% chance of sleeping with me on a first date. urgh. that is quite high, but to be fair this was coming out of my have been living like a nun for almost a year phase. If i add it up over the course of this year it is 27% likely. which is a little better.

Still, most of them were a case of me just wanting to, for the sake of it, not thinking about what might happened after. only one ( and not with tent pants boy) was i truely duped.

Woo, I'm off work today (have an eye infection and thought it best not to be frightening my service users away) so I can join in with the day time chat.

Watch I once got taken in by all the talk too, only my relationship lasted over a year. The actions just didn't match the words - he'd say how much he loved me, how wonderful I was, and how much he wanted us to be together, and then I wouldn't hear from him for days on end. I genuinely did love him so foolishly concentrated on his words rather than seeing his actions for what they were. He dropped me like a hot brick after fifteen months and left me reeling. It was the first and only time I've ever had my heart broken and it was so painful. A valuable lesson learnt though. I'm much more relationship savvy as a result of that experience I think.

Time I also find abusive men hard to stomach. I see the devastating effects their behaviour has on women and children every day at work, and although I know that they are also damaged human beings themselves I still find it difficult to muster much empathy for them. I have sat in on a session of the perpetrator programme that a colleague of mine runs, and without saying anything specific (for confidentiality reasons) you should hear some of the justifications and excuses these men come up with for abusing their families. It's shocking just how entitled they feel.

Make yes, I've heard all about the perpetrator programmes, where the abuser also thinks he is clever enough to manipulate and pull the wool over everyone's eyes in an attempt to convince people it wasn't his fault. I had a hard life too, a horrible childhood with a toxic mother but it didn't turn me into an abuser, it turned me into a people pleasing doormat with a low self esteem and no confidence. Thanks to WA and the counselling I received I have more self esteem now than I have ever had in my life but I must admit, I do not trust men. I don't think I even like them, I certainly have lost respect for them. I find it really hard to believe that there are any decent and honest men out there. I do live in hope though