Hi there, I could really do with some thoughts and advice here please. Sorry this is long.
Since 1998 I had been a single parent after the father of my 2 children, who were then just about to turn 1 and 2 years, decided to leave. I managed to work through all the shit and come out ok. Earlier this year I met someone who I have known of rather than known since I was a child. Everything seemed to happen very fast, and within months we were talking of marriage and another child together. He has 2 children from his previous marriage which ended 5 years ago.
So we stopped using contraception, and I became pregnant almost instantly. He has moved in with me and my 2 children, his children come to stay every weekend. I am now 3.5 months pregnant. I returned to work part time in September when my youngest started reception. I have felt very sick and tired for the last few months.
We were both very happy about it all, and all the children have been getting on very well, and it has seemed great. I have to admit to feeling very nervous at the start of it all going pear shaped having experienced one disastrous relationship with 2 children involved, but he assured me that he had never loved anyone like this, this must be love, he would do anything to ensure that we made this work.
Now, in the last week I feel as if what I have to do has increased greatly, another adult and 2 more children for part of the week. He has an outside interest that means on average 2 or 3 times a month I have looked after the 4 children either on a weekend afternoon or evening while he has been out. I have collected his children for him when he has been at work, stayed with them at activities when he wanted/needed to go somewhere. I thought I had done everything to fully embrace the new family. I have returned to work and I am pregnant. He has recently qualified in his field, but only works 3 days a week, and this did mean he looked after my girls for 2 days in half term while I was at work, so that was helpful, but on his other days off, he has been doing something for an outside interest of his, and then last night, when I came home with the children at 5pm, he arrived back at the same time, and made a cup of tea and lit the fire and spent the rest of the time sat on the sofa. While I made dinner for everyone, then cleared away and washed up, sorted washing, got my children in the bath and to bed. Then needed to do pack lunches, some ironing and sort out new car insurance. I then pointed out to him that I wasn't very happy, and he said he was willing to do anything, but I had now done it all, so yes I could have asked him to help, but he too could have offered, anyway this is kind of beside the point now! He then did not speak to me for the rest of the night, and slept in a different room, the next morning he left for work without saying goodbye as he normally would, he leaves just before I get up.
Later on he was collecting his 2 children after some after school activities, and then bringing them home, however he text me in the day to say that they were going to see his mum first, and then eventually turned up without them and told me that it was over as we were too different.
He said we had different views on organisation, I am very organised, I find that with school, and after school activities, and now working and shopping and everything you need to be! He complained that I asked him when he would be home so I knew whether I should be making tea for the children on their own earlier or all of us together, and also complained about the specific way I like to hang washing on the line! That was all he said on that subject, and then said sorry.
He then stood there while I tried to talk to him about these differences, and he just didn?t respond, so I asked about our attitudes to managing and spending money, I spend money but try hard not to waste it, having been left to look after 2 young children as a single parent I have really tried to ensure that I have savings and am reasonably financially secure so that I can provide for them. He on the other hand has no savings, and doesn?t actually have to support the day to day lives of his children and activities etc. Now in losing the single parent extra working tax credits, we have a very similar amount of money now for 2 adults and 2 children, and 2 more children for part of each week, as I had before for 1 adult and 2 children, so to me managing money and not wasting it is even more important if we want holidays etc. He previously said that he would leave the finances to me as he just didn?t think like that but totally understood what I was saying. He had also said that it was great that I was so organised as he wasn?t, and with 4 children currently and there will be 5 between us we would need to be organised.
However now it seems that these ?differences? which I thought were just about working out between us how to manage our household in terms of money and organisation, have become far more important that the apparent immense love that he felt for me that would mean we would always work it out and talk about any issues.
Today he has said he is too busy to talk to me, he has not been at work today. I just cannot believe that this has happened, I don't quite understand what has happened really.