I feel like i am living in a nightmare. i can't understand how it has all gone so wrong. i had a 4 yr old dd when i met my now husband. we have two kids now 3 and 1. my dh and my dd were fairly close until 3 yrs ago. i guess she turned into a pre-pubescent or it was the arrival of our own dd but since then they have simply not got on. My dd is now 13. The arguements are constant. literally 3/4 days out of every 2wks my dh and i won't be talking over something or other.
Now my dd is not a saint and in many ways she is an unusual child. Not wild or particularly bold or anything like that but very lazy, no 'get up and go' whatsoever, speaks very low, extremely fussy and slow eater and at times i can admit it she won't do the things she is asked (simlpe stuff around the house) but i guess all of this is normal for a 13yr old. She does my head in at times but i still love her totally and completely - she's still my baby and i know i was probably every bit as bad when i was her age.
My Dh however cannot tolerate her at all. We can't even have a day out together without it ending in disaster or him giving out to her over every little thing and her withdrawing into herself which annoys him even more. We went on holidays earlier this year and i swore never again - it was a nightmare. We used to go away for weekends with her when she was smaller but i wouldn't even dream of doing that now as it would be a joke.
We had a day out shopping yesterday and once again it descended into a disaster. he was hungry before we were so we stopped for lunch - i know my dd wouldn't eat a dinner (she was only after eating popcorn) so i said she would have soup - this resulted in him giving out yards about how spoilt she was, how you would think she was royalty etc etc (now she does have a very annoying way of eating) you could see people at the next table just staring at us. I was putting up new pics on the mantle piece yesterday eve and put one of her on the couch for a mo (while i was rearranging them) and she said 'dont' take down the only one of me' he started giving out saying that was such a stupid thing to say. His brother was there at the time and my heart broke for her as i could see her hold ing back the tears. His bro took them out for chips and while gone i said that as usual he was being too hard on her. And thats when he said it. After all these years he finally said he can't stand her. He ususally just says she is spoilt, brat, no manners etc but this was a new low.
Only last weekend he promised me there would be no more givnig out to her that he would improve, that he can see its killing me etc. (i have heard this almost every month for the past three years).
so what the hell do i do?? she has a dad who loves her but lives the other side of the country, his mother adores her and lives only 4 kms from her and she usually goes there 1/2 night each week. This sounds awful but these are the only nights i can relax. I feel sick to my stomach at the way this has all turned out. He is a shit husband, shit step father but an amzing dad to his own two.
Any advice would be great. this is taking a huge toll on my health and it must be awful for my dd
Sorry for long thread. but sometimes i wish she would just change and wake up and make an effort and speak louder and eat faster etc etc and then on the other hand i know how wrong this is to feel that way. Its not her fault.
We have tried counselling before, i hve written him letters, asked him to leave(he wouldn't) got his bro to speak to him. Nothing works with this man and i am literally at breaking point. Crying my eyes out typing this.
Please help