So, I am away on hols with not so dh, dd and mil. Driving me nuts!

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Living sort of seperately, but under the same room, separate rooms, while we wait for Relate. Holiday arranged ages ago...mil, intefering control freak, not long lost fil, and it seemed like a nice, but far too optimistic thing to do. Decided to come away anyway, but have had to share a room. Arse husband has packed the double blow-up bed, not the single, and I have been moving furniture half the night. Trying to do it quietly, to avoid nosey mil knowing. I thought she would try and have a sneaky peak in our room, so I put a put a bit of paper in the door jam. Sure enough, its fallen out because she's been in. So angry, could throttle the pair of them.

Yep, sorry, Parsley, I did suggest that but not terribly clearly - my post was a tad muddled - going on your own is a very good plan, just not with him to his order. Ditto for your DD.

Flippin' solicitor - if that's how good they are, maybe a different one with higher standards of time-keeping etc might be an idea?

Quite...

Now get this women of MN.

The reason he signed up for online dating, and he couldn't remember last week why, but said I had annoyed him over something....obs not earth-shattering, as he couldn't remember what it was.

He has now remembered.

Later on one evening he decided it would be a good idea to go and hear the owls hooting somewhere about half an hour away by car. DD and I were not overly enthused. That's it folks...

That one goes down in history!

Riiiiiight...

OMG. You didn't fancy traipsing off on a possible wild- goose owl chase and he was pissed off enough to join an online dating agency?? That's beyond pathetic as a reason. I'm not surprised he forgot it at first - only surprised that he's a) actually remembered it and b) thought it was a good idea to tell you!!

Did the solicitor phone you back in the end? What did he/she say?

Got an appointment soon, some crossed wires with receptionist, but apparently this woman is shit-hot very efficient at divorces which don't nail women to the wall.

Can I have my own MN thing, like the Wolefs? Something to do with Owls obs...

Don't worry about Owlofs, honey - just 'off' him. And it sounds as if he's off the wall so he's going to be easy pickings for even a less than shit-hot lawyer.

Seeing her Monday. Got Macs on Saturday. Deep joy.

Seen solicitor, worst case scenario he can force a house sale, and get MY equity cos of historical stuff, ie it was a long time ago....this gets better.

Why does he get your equity? Does he get all of it or just half? That sounds like a PITA (I hate divorce law, there seems to be so much bollocks that goes on... :()

Do you think he would be vicious enough to do that?

Because if you put up with him being an arse for long enough after you combined stuff, its tought titty, tho' solicitor can argue for you that it isn't. But that costs £210 an hour too.

Shame you can't quantify the mental anguish and keep it that way really. Like compensation for putting up with all his shit, hey. ANd you can't guarantee a non-biased judge (although obviously you should be able to but reality is you can't)

Pic now on.

You poor thing Parsley - the law really sucks sometimes, doesn't it? :(

Can I tell you about a friend of mine briefly? She left a very abusive (physically and emotionally) marriage at the age of 49 (one teenage DC). She left the family home, had no car, nothing. Just her job and a suitcase of stuff. Her husband claimed he had no money (long story) so like I say, she had nothing (except her pension savings) after the divorce. The divorce came through after her DC turned 18, so no maintenance etc. She is now one of the happiest people I know! She is financially secure (mostly thanks to her solicitor's advice to hang on to her pension and just work to pay her way until she could access her pension). She has even met and married a wonderful man! I just wanted to remind you that being poor(ish) but happy is much better than being rich(ish!) and unhappy - I know you already know this, but it just seems so unfair that you'll be financially penalised on top of everything else you're going through :(

You sound so strong and sure of yourself and I'm glad that things are at least moving in the right direction - I think being in limbo is the worst. Good luck! :)

Thanks hev that sort of story is what I need I think. Have you looked at my pussy on profile?

Ps Oor err Missus (I mean feline, not lady)

at pussy on your profile!

Hev - thank goodness your friend had a job, that makes such a difference!

Lovely puss indeed.

Love the owl hooting tale - what planet is he on!

Currently he's on Planet Offufuck last seen orbiting Mars via Maccy D's,Random

Okay, Parsley, so you've heard the worst case scenario from an allegedly shit-hot lawyer - why not post on the legal board and get a second opinion gratis as it may be that dd's need for a roof over head will be taken into account which may buy you some time, especially if she stays in full-time education until she's 25 or so by which time he may have eloped with an ow owl in a pea-green boat and been sunk at sea

Lol Izzy, apparently the need for roof is v relevant, but becuase there is enough equity to downsize, judge can force move so that both parties can re establish homes iuswim. No guarantees, depends on circs and day in court, so no predictions possible unfortunately. Also appears that previous solicitor may not have protected my larger equity on purchase, which he could have done apparently, but can't find out without incurring large legal fees I can ill afford at the mo....

Despite this, i am trying to remain cheerful, despite the odd howling wobble in private. When it gets so bad, anything is preferable, which is the state we were in, but I am sorry I loved him, and missing the father to dd he used to be when she was little.....what an arse he turned out to be. So unecessary.

It's not a done deal that a Court will have to adjudicate as there'll be opportunity to resolve financial matters through mediation

Presumbly the owl-fancier knows that you stumped up the larger sum to fund the purchase?

If he fails to confirm this fact prior to or in the opening mediation session, I would enter negotiations on the basis that your financial contribution to the purchase of the marital home entitles you to a larger share of the equity and it's down to him to prove otherwise.

Yes, hoping it won't come to that, but mediation is also expensive, just not as much as sols fees.

Maybe when he realises what it's likely to cost him, he'll be more amenable to coming to a deal direct with you that can be rubber stamped by a Court?

I know owls fly and pigs don't but I prefer to operate on the premise that anything is possible.

,

Yes, Izzy, it is just possible he might be reasonable, but that would be a bonus, rather than a given. If he wants a deposit sufficient for him to start again, albeit at the bottom of the housing market, he would do better not eroding that deposit, as well as my capital in unecessary legal fees. Also, as I have said, we are parents forever, and until the last few months, generally I would have said he was a good parent, if a shit partner.