So, I am away on hols with not so dh, dd and mil. Driving me nuts!

[ParsleyTheLioness]

Living sort of seperately, but under the same room, separate rooms, while we wait for Relate. Holiday arranged ages ago...mil, intefering control freak, not long lost fil, and it seemed like a nice, but far too optimistic thing to do. Decided to come away anyway, but have had to share a room. Arse husband has packed the double blow-up bed, not the single, and I have been moving furniture half the night. Trying to do it quietly, to avoid nosey mil knowing. I thought she would try and have a sneaky peak in our room, so I put a put a bit of paper in the door jam. Sure enough, its fallen out because she's been in. So angry, could throttle the pair of them.

She doesn't want to be here, but is still in bed at the mo. He wants a big goodbye scene....he will probably see her tommorrow ffs. Wating for sdad so he can get his stuff.

If your dd is old enough to understand then ask her what she wants to do- it may well be that she doesn't WANT to say goodbye to him

Ok , so if I take her now, and he kicks off, just get the police?

as above your dd has told you basically she is having a rubbish time of it. Please don't make it worse for her.

have you a friend who can come round? I would just call police if you think he would be violent or arrange for yourself to be out when he is picking up his stuff.

God Parsley, you sound like you've been far too accommodating to this loser already! Well done for not stabbing him and his mother on the holiday, btw.

Umm - if he's going to upset your DD again it would be better for her not to see him before he leaves - but if you can engineer it that he sees her for a minute or two, so he can say goodbye, and then she gets whisked off to her friend's house, that would cover all bases. He can't say much to upset her in a minute and if your sdad is there, then he is less likely to make a Scene, isn't he?

So sorry that you're having to go through this but God you need to get rid of him!

Then you have your answer, she does not want to be there.

He should be thinking ahead really, at 13 he won't be able to get court ordered time with her if she doesn't want it and so if she 'dumps' him he'll find it hard to mend fences.

If he gets aggressive I probably would call the police, start as you mean to go on... he'll know not to bother trying to bully you again.

xposted lots - let her go and be out the way, if that's her preference. He can talk to her later.

Thumb, he manipulates he, he will probably make himself cry and stuff, having been perfectly ok a minute befor.

Definitely police if it all kicks off. Do your mum and sdad know about today's developments? Could you ask them to get to yours asap? Might stop him from kicking off in the first place.

Stay strong, you're doing brilliantly- you'll soon be rid of this arsehole

Poor you, Parsley, that's a development! Interesting insights into ah- the only child thing, the poor me, the goodbye scene ...........quite narcissistic. Clearly he has a need to be the victim and the baby. Hard for you, as always being put in the 'wrong'.

If you can, I would call a friend and get dd out of the house- he can see her in a few days time if he wants, so the farewell scene is foolish.

Your poor DD. It's bad enough being married to a manchild and dealing with the crap that involves, but it must be bad being "parented" by one. Children shouldn't be made to feel responsible for their parents' emotional wellbeing. :(

I agree thumb...that's partly why i'm kicking him out. He could have stayed while we tried to work it out, but not if he's doing this. DM and co stikll not here. No sense of urgency.Here now. Back later.

Hugs and best of luck. We're thinking of you!

Just read this Parsley. Good luck and keep your DD away from the crap, as she obviously does not want to be around her father.

Thanks all. He has gone, dd gone to friends....he tried to go without anything. So he could say I wouldn't let him have his clothes. After 20 yrs the man has a glass head. SD supervised last bits and pieces from upstairs bedrooms, and all passed relatively calmly. Will not remain so, but relieved all is calm for now.

Phew! Has all his stuff gone? Or has he cunningly managed to leave some stuff behind that was missed, that will become Utterly Important to him over the next few days/weeks?

Did he see your DD in the end, or had she gone in time? Glad it's calm for now - gives you a bit of time to get the next step in place!

sneaky (((hugs))) for you and your DD.

Hugs from me, too. It's been mad, hasn't it? (Him, not you.)

Good point thumb...wil be forearmed. He has to come back tommorow cos his motorbike he is selling is in the garage, but this was arranged about a week ago. Will keep him outside though.

DD went as GP's arrived, preventing a scene. I had asked her to hang on for them, if she could, but things were reasonably calm, I was worried that her going would stop them being calm.

Oo well in that case I'd do a thorough scout round to check all his crap stuff has gone, including Meaningful Books and CDs and things - box 'em up and hand 'em to him tomorrow.

Yes, can do that. Thanks all. Think he's got his computer, so can date online til it blows up now. The computer that is

Thank god it was calm.

Parsley, you are still likely to be in shock.

Do you own/co-own/co-rent house? He may have rights, and feel less calm in a few days time. You mentioned DV- are you worried about this?

Perhaps a call to a solicitor soon?

And a friend round for the evening?

Yes, co-own, but I have more equity....trying to get hold of Womens Aid legal line but can't get through. He is saying he still wants to go to Relate at this point, I don't, don't think I'll change my mind. Wouldn't be surprised if he found Another Sucker and changed his mind.