Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So, I am away on hols with not so dh, dd and mil. Driving me nuts!

174 replies

ParsleyTheLioness · 24/10/2011 23:25

Living sort of seperately, but under the same room, separate rooms, while we wait for Relate. Holiday arranged ages ago...mil, intefering control freak, not long lost fil, and it seemed like a nice, but far too optimistic thing to do. Decided to come away anyway, but have had to share a room. Arse husband has packed the double blow-up bed, not the single, and I have been moving furniture half the night. Trying to do it quietly, to avoid nosey mil knowing. I thought she would try and have a sneaky peak in our room, so I put a put a bit of paper in the door jam. Sure enough, its fallen out because she's been in. So angry, could throttle the pair of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 00:37

I have slept for 2 hours and now awake again...is anyone still up to play talk to me?

OP posts:
hevak · 27/10/2011 00:53

I'm here... but about to go to bed, sorry! :)

I have been thinking of you though, and your poor DD - not much of a holiday for either of you, is it? Hmm

Hope things improve at least a bit when MIL is put back in her box back in her own home! Grin

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 00:54

Ah, thanks Hev...36 hrs and we can go home....

OP posts:
hevak · 27/10/2011 00:57

Not that you're counting the seconds minutes hours! Grin

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 01:00

Who me? No [hgrin] I have regarded it as an endurance test, knowing that if I felt too bad, I could hoof it to a hotel....go to bed hun, thanks for being a friend. x

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 02:38

Result. Going home about 2pm today, instead of tomorrow. No need to kill the witch. Re the competition for name coffee-dog.

I am offering a prize of Brew or Biscuit for those foolish trusting enough to furnish me with an address which is not at Her Majesty's Pleasure Grin

I will miss him...the dog that is, not ph....

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 27/10/2011 12:52

How about buying a coffee dog as a pre-divorce present to yourself? It can be called Rover, because that's a stereotypical dog name, and because you got the idea when on holiday.

Am giggling at your account of the Holiday from Hell, although sorry for you. As long as you retain that fabulous sense of humour you can get through anything.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 21:23

Kicked off big style, just before 5 hr car journey from hell with mil and dd. Deliberately provoked dd to tears, knowing I would fall out with him big style, cos of history over this.Told her he had not been on dating sites....and I was a bit bonkers for thinking this, effectively. He told her in the first place that I suspected him of being on sites, before this she knew nothing about it. I had caught him from his internet , and he had admitted it, but later retracted it. Had told him if he pulled this stunt again, i would be contacting a solicitor. Think he deliberately provoked a row so that I c0uuld be angry in front of mil, and he would do the Poor Me thing. I told mil a few home truths about best boy....dating sites, abuse, dv etc, and she tried to intefere. Spent horrible journey coming back, and got dm and dsdad to meet me at the house, in case he kicked off again. He has gone to bed. I have said I think he has to move out, at least for now. Hate him, dislike him intenseley. don;t know if there is away back from this. He is such an Abusive Arse....He says he wants to go to therapy, but his behaviour is indicating he genuinely hates me, and is waiting for me to kick him out so it will somehow be my fault, and he can be the victim again.

OP posts:
hevak · 27/10/2011 21:31

Oh Parsley you poor thing :( What a shit time for you and your DD. I'm glad to hear your DM and DSD are supportive.

Kicking him out would be doing him a favour... surely? I mean, obviously his mother does a better job of being his slave and stroking his ego looking after him than you do Hmm Why doesn't he move in with her? All problems solved then Grin

(Sorry for being a bit facetious)

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 27/10/2011 21:37

fortunately unfortunately the old bitch lives about 2 1/2 hrs away.

OP posts:
hevak · 27/10/2011 21:52

Even better! Grin

I really should stop being facetious now

2rebecca · 27/10/2011 21:53

I'm amazed you survived. I would have refused to go, especially with his parents there. I would have had a quiet week at home and given daughter choice of going or not

hevak · 27/10/2011 22:02

Okay, I will try to stop being factious for a moment or two.

I guess I don't want to charge in and tell you what I think you should do, because ultimately that is your choice. :)

In your first few posts it sounde like you had some issues in your marriage but were waiting for counselling and were keen on sorting out these issues together (presumably at least in part for your DD).

However it sounds like he really is very nasty emotionally stunted (to put it kindly) - telling your DD you wrongly suspected him of the online cheating. Who does horrible stuff like that (especially when it's true)? Shock

Now you're talking about kicking him out. I wonder if you have been dreaming thinking about this course of action for a while? But being the normal, reasonable person that you are, you've felt that you "had" to try counselling before kicking him out? I can tell you that you don't "have" to do anything to prove that the relationship is irreparably broken. If you know it's broken for good, then it is. If that's the case then I guess you need to figure out what to do now. Are you partly posting to gather the courage to do this?

Apologies if I've read waaaaay too much into your posts and you just wanted to vent while waiting for Relate Blush

I can go back to being facetious if you prefer! Grin

caramelwaffle · 28/10/2011 00:09

2 1/2 hours away? hmmm Sounds good Smile

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 07:19

Hevak you are very right, and wise.....Caramel unfortunatley, she exerts her evil influence by telephone, so 2 hours by broomstick doesn't matter much. Need to think. Just hate him so much. I think he has to go, for now anyway. I wonder if he has been such a prick to get me to put him out, then he can blame me in front of mummy. (I have the only grandchild). She would expect us to stay together iuswim.

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 07:21

No. Need to think without sarcasm or humour. Need all my wits and a few more. Mother going home today, she lives a couple of hours away also.

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 07:45

Rebecca I did say I wasn't going at one point. Then he did a no on me, said he wasn't going with That Woman on his own. Felt that I was depriving a poor old recent widow of a free holiday, and also, when he poured out his tale of woe without a rational human being there (me or dd) to counteract it, there would be no way back.

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 07:58

I'vetold him to move out.

OP posts:
TiredOfGoingRoundInCircles · 28/10/2011 08:03

O Parsley, I have been lurking on this thread, really felt for you, but laughed a lot too! I think you have done the right thing, as I just said on another thread, something has to change. Good luck

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 08:07

Thanks. I will feel better when he is gone. I need to save myself and dd. You know, I always thought he was a good father, if a shit husband...not true alas.

OP posts:
mummytime · 28/10/2011 08:19

Your daughter is a teenager isn't she? She can decide for herself what kind of relationship she wants with her father.
Who cares what story he makes up about you kicking him out. His mother will take his side, but she isn't someone whose approval you need is she? Your DD will probably be relieved to have the atmosphere lightened, and he's not exactly been a nice Dad to her recently has he? Your family seem to see him for what he was. Your friends will be on your side. Who else matters?
BTW I was once harangued by the owner of a Music shop for 1/2 hour all about his ex. What was the result? I just feel very relieved I haven't had to go into the shop again, and am dreading the day I do have to.

Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 08:24

Ok. Daughter wants to go to her friend's nearby for a couple of nights, to escape the shit her. I have cleared this with friends mum. He is going today. hote, flat above a chip shop, I care not. I think sdad will supervise this leaving, but they are not here yet(still in hotel). He says he wants to say goodbye to dd. Assuming he will make it as messy as possible, arse that he is....do I take dd to friends before all this happens? I do not mind him having SUPERvised access, but he cannot be trusted, at the moment, maybe never, so maybe its better just to get her out of the way, pronto. Need to think...

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
Original poster
ParsleyTheLioness · 28/10/2011 08:30

bump, before it kicks off agian

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 28/10/2011 08:52

Hello Parsley

I have just read your thread - I think you are doing the right thing. WRT saying goodbye to your daughter. He is not saying goodbye, he is still her dad and I presume will still see her regularly. Ask her if she wants to be there and if she doesn't well theres your answer. She is 13 after all.

ArtVandelay · 28/10/2011 08:53

FWIW i went to my friends house when my mum kicked my father out and think its for the best. Bet it was a right scene and I'm glad I missed it.