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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help me, got a big shock today

135 replies

XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:16

my dh told me today that 2 years ago he had a (non penetrative) sexual encounter with my brother, someone talk to me

OP posts:
collision · 26/12/2005 22:18

dont think you will get many replies Xxxxxxxx!!

Sorry.

ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 26/12/2005 22:18

Message withdrawn

SecondhandRose · 26/12/2005 22:19

Why do you think he chose to tell you today? Have you seen your brother? Is your brother openly gay? Sorry to hear this, hope you're OK.

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:19

i have no-one to talk to about this, feel so sick. i was pregnant at the time.

OP posts:
SecondhandRose · 26/12/2005 22:20

Eek, are the trolls out?

katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:21

f f f*.

I hope you have a stiff drink in front of you.

I take it he isn't joking?

Is he bisexual and has this ever been revealed to you before in your relationship. As that is a very serious thing to have deal with. My sister's husband is a bisexual and they are not as intimate as other couple's are, for obvious reasons.

I am very sorry to hear this news, it's unexpected I guess and noone else knows, his family not? how are you coping with it at the moment...sorry for all the questions but I ma concerned for you.

collision · 26/12/2005 22:21

There is no name mentioned ladies and it is late and we do get some strange posts when it is late and people have had a lot to drink.

No accusations here but this could be a troll, I think.

could you post on my thread instead please about my neighbours son and ds!!

katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:23

or it could be real even

ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 26/12/2005 22:23

Message withdrawn

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:24

am not troll - coul;dnt use normal posting name for obvious reasons am not drunk but wish i was cant type long posts because of computer error..am sooo f88ing frustrated

OP posts:
ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 26/12/2005 22:24

Message withdrawn

ESSgonnaBEEagreatnewyear · 26/12/2005 22:25

Message withdrawn

collision · 26/12/2005 22:25

It could be and I hope it is not but it is a bit weird with the name etc

Are you new KatieMelua? Havent seen you around before?

PTMY!!

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 26/12/2005 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:26

he told me because they had a very violent fight (again) last night and i told him thqat if he didnt tell me whT THE problem was i would leave him but i wasnt expecting to hear that - neither are gay or bi - supposedly drunken regret.

OP posts:
GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:27

Well my brother is openly gay and if my DH told me he had any kind of intimacy I would be totally freaked out! Probably more so than if he had a bit of a grope with some random bird out on the town, and not cos my brother is gay or the homo/bisexual implications but because it is my brother!!!!

Why did he tell you? Have you spoken to your brother? What does he want to do now?

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:27

i am a regular and that is why the weird name. I am so confused - he is sleeping on the couch...i cant look at him.

OP posts:
collision · 26/12/2005 22:28

Sorrrryyyy!!!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXX. Sorry.

Hope you are OK...what a horrible thing to hear.

Essbee...my thread is on behaviour and development.

collision · 26/12/2005 22:29

Did he give you details.

Sorry but my DH would be out the door and not on the sofa if that had happened.

You OK? You got children?

shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 26/12/2005 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:30

Well you obviously all need to sit down and talk about it, you and DH, your and your brother and your brother and your DH.

You need to talk about things for obvious reasons but they need to stop the fighting and talk about it and move on.

That being said, if you weren't gay or remotely bisexual, why on Earth would you have "a thing" with your BIL or your sisters DH for that matter?!?!?!?!

And what exactly did they get up to?

SecondhandRose · 26/12/2005 22:31

Well, do you love him and want to be with him? If so, you have to work through this together as a couple. Don't hide from it, get him to talk to you, cuddle and love him.

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:32

they are best friends and work together but every time they drink they end up fighting badly - dh says it is because the hate themselves and each other for whqat happened but they have never talked about it. My brother doesnt know that i know yet.

OP posts:
katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:32

yes new and happy to talk too

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:33

But what did they do?