please help me, got a big shock today

[XXXXXXXX]

my dh told me today that 2 years ago he had a (non penetrative) sexual encounter with my brother, someone talk to me

do you think i will think clearer if he or i went away for a coupl of days?

I got the general gist from:

"drunken disccussion of equipment size turned into display which somehow (???) turned into touching etc. HOW???"

Xxxxx - it is only my opinion, and it is how you feel that is important, but I think that staying in the same place and talking about this, is much better than one of you leaving for a few days and all of this being unresolved!

I don't think being apart will help at all - talking about it just might

my dad knows abou the fighting too, was at his house last night - what the hell do i tell him?

XXXXXXXX came on here to ask for our help and advice. If we don't know the full story how do we know the advice we are giving is okay. I don't think many of us would be happy if our hubbies did this, it is always best to be 100% open and honest.

agreed lockets

If your Dad doesn't ask then don't tell him anything, people fall out all the time at Christmastime. If he does ask maybe just say "you know what its like at Christmas when people have had one too many Dad?", type of thing.

I think re the going away, I agree that staying and talking with your DB and DH so you can all try and talk about what happened and how you feel and how you think you can move on might help. And going away with your DH after that to have some time away might help to come back to a fresh start.

think i better try and get some sleep, will probably post again tomorrow. goodnight and thank you.

not yet.

if she wants our help she should be 100% honest or else how will we know what has really happened and how to advise. She has done nothing wrong, only her husband and if we know everything it will help us build a real picture rather than half a picture, surely that is obvious. Like I said before XXXXX please cat me and I'll give you my msn if you wish.

Good luck tomorrow, I hope things are clearer for you in the morning.

I don't think we need to know the gory details and i'm not sure XXXXX does either. She knows there were non penetrative drunken fumblings, does she need to know more??????

God, you're like a dog with a bone.....and you called me insensitive!

if it were your hubbie would you want to know everything,, I know I would.

I think the precise details are irrelevant to be honest.

point am trying to make is if it is anything more than touching then it is worrying, she says touching etc....what is so wrong in asking what the etc is....again I say if you are open you know how to solve problems, hiding stuff never gives the real picture....what is there to hide

What do you mean, if it is anything more than touching then it is worrying, surely even just touching is bad enough, besides you have asked several times, she obviously does'nt want to answer.

Katie - whatever your motivation for probing further and further, I think we now know enough to get a very good idea what was going on.

If Xxxx wants to share more with us as and when she is ready to, all good and well.

Until that time, I think it is rather intrusive to keep asking for more!

exactly, so worrying it should be. If it were my dh I think our relationship would be over

XXXXXXXXX- its good to talk-hope you can do just that with dh and db