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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

please help me, got a big shock today

135 replies

XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:16

my dh told me today that 2 years ago he had a (non penetrative) sexual encounter with my brother, someone talk to me

OP posts:
Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:37

drunken disccussion of equipment size turned into display which somehow (???) turned into touching etc. HOW???

OP posts:
collision · 26/12/2005 22:37

Katie we shall have to chat on another thread and not keep hijacking this one!!

katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:41

please talk we are all here for you

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:41

i love him but how can we go on having a relationship if i think of this every day? we have 2 DS aged 2 and 1. am so sad for them

OP posts:
katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:43

so what is your reltionship like aside this

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:43

how can he sleep? i cant

OP posts:
Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:44

i thought it was good katie thank you for talking to me.

OP posts:
katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:44

if you want to chat with me on msn I will cat you with my address, no problem if you don't want to by the way

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:45

feel like i will never want to be intimate with him again but cant stand the thought of being alone

OP posts:
GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:45

Hmmmm, well, it wouldn't happen to me but now you've said I can see how it could happen, you know what boys are like with their toys and it sounds a bit like "children experimenting" (you do hear of kids doing that kind of thing). Of course they should have known better but they were both drunk. Excuses, excuses I know. It does sound like they both regret it and it has probably ruined their friendship so they do realise the implications of an act of stupidity.

Do you think you can forgive them both?

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:46

i dont know if i will be able to with this pc problem? If i take too long without clicking a like i get a 'cannot reach server' message and have to log off and on again.

OP posts:
GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:47

He is probably sleeping because he has been keeping this secret from you and he is probably relieved to get things out in the open.

It is early days, you will need to do lots of talking (((hugs)))

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:47

i think i can forgive them for what they did but dont know how our relationship will change?

OP posts:
katiemelua · 26/12/2005 22:47

GoodKingWestCountryLass, that is not what she wants to hear, why are you being so insensitive?

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:48

Oh no Have you tried turning computer off and on again? Or doing a CTRL, ALT, DEL and ending tasks?

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:50

I'm not being insensitive confused smilie

We all have different perspectives, I was jsut trying to talk and maybe help in someway

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:50

He did say at first that he was relieved to get it out in the open but i was in shock and didnt say much aBOUT IT. wHEN IT STARTED TO SINK IN he then said he wishes he hadnt told me. He then said again after that that he is glad he told me but is worried that he will lose me

OP posts:
shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 26/12/2005 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:52

he said maybe we should split up because i deserve better. He said he has thought about what he did every day and hates himself for betraying me like this.

OP posts:
GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:52

Thanks! I reread what I posted and was feeling a bit paranoid.

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:53

i didnt think you were being insensitive.

OP posts:
shepherdswatchedtheirflockets · 26/12/2005 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
XXXXXXXX · 26/12/2005 22:55

i dont know how to approach him at all. he is very unstable at the moment and has had some drug problems

OP posts:
GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:55

I can only imagine what you are feeling finding this out now but he is being honest with you Do you think you can speak to your brother about this too?

GoodKingWestCountryLass · 26/12/2005 22:55

I can only imagine what you are feeling finding this out now but he is being honest with you Do you think you can speak to your brother about this too?