The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Kicking The Devilish Demon Drink Into Touch This Hallowe'en!. Mwahahahaha!

[Mwahahahahahahahouseface]

Hello

I'm Mouse, well normally! [hgrin]

Welcome to the Bus. We are a mixed bunch of Babes, some of us drink, some of us don't and some of us are trying to find out the best way to cut down or stop completely.

There is plenty of room on the Bus for everyone so, come say hi. [hsmile]

And, if you'd like to see what brought us all here, you can read all of the past threads, including the original one by JWN RIGHT HERE

Morning everyone,

Noteven, I hope you got back to sleep for a bit.

It was very quiet on here over the weekend, I hope that everyone who hasn't been posting had a lovely weekend, although I am wondering if Bafana, Noteven, Faire, Mouse, Ma, Silver, Saf, Bproud and I were just not quick enough to climb into JWN's suitcase, and stow away .

I Had a terrible sleep last night, one of those nights where all your dreams get jumbled up with people and places, in the wrong place and time. I hope it's not an omen for work today!!
Now my cursor keeps vanishing, think MN is still sleepy!!
Speak later,I'm going before I lose my message!xxxxx

I meant to say a big Hello and welcome to S6GRL, too .

Morning

Leather how are you doing? DOTV if you are struggling we can help. I've noticed on here that posters can go very quiet if they are drinking. Don't be shy. Remember this is a bus for drinkers as well and we all pull together to support each other.

Thurso I usually only get dreams like that when I am ill, so take good care of yourself, and get some rest if you can x

It's foggy here this morning. I liike it. Everything is mysterious and calm. (Especially as dh & dcs have left for school/work already and I've got the place to myself for five minutes ).

Piranha I know what you mean about becoming 'aware' of the extra layer. I have to admit, my stomach used to touch the steering wheel in my car but not any more, yay! I tried to lose weight for years but it was only when I sorted out the drinking recently that I was able to. Be patient, concentrate on the alcohol first. If you try to 'give up' too much at once, you might really struggle. Once you get into the habit of not drinking, it's lovely. I can't recommend it enough .

Anyway, have lovely, productive days people. Speak later x

(ps Anyone heard from Isinde?)

Hello everyone

Boing!

Wasn't it quiet over the weekend? Hope everyone's doing OK. If newbies (like myself) are struggling, please come and tell us. It seems like people are doing really well with the drinking at the moment. It's a shame that real life still brings its challenges.

I'm pleased with how I'm doing. I just drank on two nights out of the last 7 (don't think that's happened - pregnancies excepted - in the last 10 years). On one night I drank too much but on the other night I only had half a bottle (and I hadn't run out!!). So overall I'm quite pleased. I feel under a lot less pressure now I've acknowledged that I am not going to try to abstain completely. I am aware that this may not work for me though and somewhere down the line I may realise that I never will be able to drink 'normally' or in moderation. But I need to KNOW that for myself, to have tried and failed, at drinking normally. For now I feel calm and optimistic. Watch this space...

Hope you are all having a good Monday so far. Hope the poorly people get better very soon.

Today I will be mostly drinking shed loads of tea

X

no - where is isindie? hope you have a lovely day too faire.

thurso - hope you're not too knackered today - totally know what you mean about that kind of night. i had a weird one last night where i just kept waking up and thinking it was morning then seeing it was still the middle of the night and only half an hour since i last saw the time on my phone and then going back to sleep again. that was alcohol free too!

i didn't drink yesterday and i won't be drinking today. i feel a bit ambiguous about it all at the minute. am more focussed on taking care of myself so i don't feel the 'need' to drink than i am on not drinking itms. seems to be the way i need to tackle things for now.

I think JWN has Isindie's number, but she's away..... I'll try and text her in a bit, see if she will text her or pass it on to me.

Morning all.

Saf - well done on the not drinking, I didn't have a dry day yesterday but I din't get pissed, just slowly drank from 5 onwards, with dinner and desert...... feeling a bit like I want to drink of late. Can't really explain it.

However, I will NOT be drinking today. I will be going to bed early with my book and snuggling up to DH.

Today is a day or sorting out last week's fuck ups, apologising to the appts we missed, arranging new ones, shopping and trying to tidy the house, going to get Nemos's support shoes fitted in a short while but will be back later.

Bit of a meh day! xx

Morning everyone. bad weekend far tooo much booze, possibly becauase dp and I have made plan not to drink this week, thought we would make to the most of the weekend . No drink in the house and dp promised not to buy any. Actually feeling rather poorly today, seriously thinking about taking the pm off, just makes me feel guilty though, think I am coming down with something, very unlike me. Goodness it did seem very quiet on the bus this weekend where is everyone?

Morning! I 'allowed' myself some wine when we went out for a meal on Friday night and had a couple of glasses when we got home. I went to bed feeling ok but dreadfully ill on Sat morning, remembered I was on antibiotics! I think my body actually wants me to stop as I'm feeling so sick afterwards recently. SO, birthday party on Sat lunch, had a glass of champagne to toast and didn't drink anything for the rest of the weekend. My daughter was staying and saw that I didn't have anything which is good. OH on the other hand, lay and drank wine all night Sat. On Sun, he stayed in and watched sport on the tv for 9 hours and got through 2.5 bottles of wine. What do I do? Join in to relieve the anger and then be numb to it or totally ignore it. Difficult when he's shouting at the tv, clapping a good goal and pointing out the names of the players. If I remove myself, it's "Why are you leaving me here sitting on my own?". Had to sleep in the spare bed last night as the smell was too much. Think he's feeling really rough this morning....
hungover and sorry.

I can text isinde and warn her we'll be sending out a search party!

atosilis I don't have any easy answers, I was in the death throes of a relationship when I admitted I was an alcoholic and have been (mostly very happily) single since but there are others around in the same boat. Hungover can be the best time for serious conversations though as the desperation is at its peak. That's great about your daughter.

I did get back to sleep, woke up to no electricity (now sorted) - feels a very upside down sort of a day. Catch you all later I hope.

Thanks noteven

For those of you who like to have a non alcoholic beer, Morrisons are doing small bottle of Shandy - 10 for £1.99 - which are less than 0.5%. I've swapped to them from Kaliber and Becks Blue because they're slightly sweeter. Just thought I'd share that with you all!

Hi Babes,

Sorry I havent posted in a long while - as some of you might know from my previous post DH moved out into his own flat with DD - He came and took all their stuff (including ipad/laptop/computer) so have had no access to the net at home. At the library right now desperately applying for jobs and job hunting.

DH's solicitor wrote to me on Friday, hes applying for a divorce; which I guess I expected and to inform me he will only pay for me to stay on in the house until the end of December as he has "had to reduce his hours at work due to his childcare commitments" so can not financially support me after December.

Have seen DD twice in last two weeks and now he has taken her to Cancun (during school time) for a break ...

My life is so fucked up its not real and I dont have the money for food let alone drink. On top of which hearing whispers that he has been seeing someone else for (someone I actually know) a good long while.

Despite everything thats happening Im determined to kick the drink to the kerb and sort life out - worst mistake is getting married and taking a back seat financially and career wise. Its so hard to get back into work....

Hope everyone else is doing well... just gonna have a quick catch up to find out how you have all been. xxx

Hello Dep Welcome back I was wondering what happened to you. I feel for you must be very hard right now, but it does sound like to you taking some positive steps to rebuild your life. Hopefully when things settle down you will have the chance to ss DD more. I am new here so sure other people will be along for tips and guidance. Good luck in finding a job

Hi, I'm also back after a while not writing, I just wanted to say I have attended a Allen carr seminar stop drinking and I can recommend it. I'm pretty sure I won't drink anymore.

That's great shake do you have any 'tips' to share with us?

atosilis What do I do? Join in to relieve the anger and then be numb to it or totally ignore it. Difficult when he's shouting at the tv, clapping a good goal and pointing out the names of the players. If I remove myself, it's "Why are you leaving me here sitting on my own?".

Is this how you want to live your life?

Your OH is responsible for himself and his own drinking. He is trying to make you feel guilty for taking control of your own life and taking action which will enhance your life. He wants his drinking buddy back.

You ask what would I do? I would tell him "THIS is what I am doing. I am cutting back on the alcohol, I am getting on with all the other things I want to do in my life, I am setting a better example to my daughter, I am making changes to improve my health . . . What you do is entirely up to you. If you want to join me I will support you but I will not be dragged down by your drinking".

But, that's just me

Nice to hear from everyone. DOTV it is so difficult to find work right now but keep looking, fingers crossed for you. Do you have somewhere to live after December? If you are not drinking, could you do childcare for DH so that he does not have to reduce his hours?

Hi all

I am really trying to cut down on alcohol and think just posting in a place where others seem to get it will help.

So I managed three days last week completely alcohol free and this weeks aim is 6 days, today being day one.

Wish me luck !!

Fairenuff im willing to do anything work wise, think i might have a temp job at John Lewis over xmas but they are going to get back to me on Wednesday. I used to work as a data analyst for a big company in the city before I had DD - and of course I would look after my daughter without question - its really hard to explain the tug on your heart knowing that you are not there on a day to day.. but he has told me he doesnt trust me and worries for her safety whilst in my care. I really dont have a leg to stand on as everything he has said is true - the sad thing for me is - now im serious about freeing myself of this demon but he has no trust in me (which I really understand after all the times I have let him down). I really dont know how to play this, I need to get some advice but everyone I have called CAB included are so vague - need to get some money behind me and get proper legal advice.

He emptied our joint savings account and left me basics (bread, milk tinned stuff etc) before he left for his holiday. I just cant fault him but at the same time I cant move things fast enough for myself to be in a position to at least be in a place where im not depending on him. And no, i have nowhere to go after december. The benefits system is a joke, just trying to get back into work is my main focus right now....

DOTV unfortunately, as you know, your DH has good reason to not trust you at the moment. However, your actions will speak volumes. He will no doubt be expecting you to turn to drink. You are going to prove him wrong by what you do, not just what you say. Temporary work over Christmas will tide you over. Any chance you could stay with friends or relatives and pay them what rent you can.

Hello kandinsky well done on the 3 days.

dotv you urgently need legal advice. you're in a very vulnerable position at the moment in terms of future contact/residency/whatever they call it these days. yes you have things to feel bad for but i'm not sure he has best interests at heart either, especially if it turns out that he is seeing someone else and has been for some time.

twice in two weeks is not enough time with your daughter is it? is that his decision? what do YOU want?

What do I want? honestly? that lull in your head when you take that first sip...
and no its not enough, I wasnt able to leave the house as i had no car bruises etc and he only bought her to see me twice - both for breakfast as " I am assuming that you will be soberish at that time" and then he went off to cancun and left it to his mum to tell me...
I'm waiting for him to get back and then I will deploy a little tactic that my AA "Counsellor" (sorry but that is really what she has been for me) has advised, I got some breathalysers online; i will take one when he leaves her with me and when he collects her.. if i ever fail the test he can continue punishing me by keeping her away from me but otherwise he has to trust that I have actually turned that corner.
But then I question myself.. Have i really turned the corner? if i had the money would it be the bottle of red i first reach for? I really dont know right now. The incident with the baby has frightened me enough to not question too much right now.. it all seems to raw. Im trying really hard to work through all this.. better go library is closing at 530 and i have been in and out all afternoon (think the librarian thinks im staking the place!)

it's actually abduction in today's law. you're not allowed to just take a child out of the country without consulting the other parent even if you've never lived with him let alone if you've left your wife, decided she's unfit and think you're a law unto yourself.

honestly, and this won't be popular, i think you should call the police now and report your dd as having been taken out of the country without consent. he has your dd. yes you have to conquer the drinking and well done for that but you have to think about the future too and he seems very intent on gaining absolute control.

sorry but i have alarm bells ringing. you mentioned there were special issues of community and culture - don't let that put you off of exercising your legal rights.

Really? Should I just log it somewhere? Does anyone know if I can really do that?

I want to run scream and shout that I want my baby girl back but feel so trapped in my own prison of what I have done...

BTW, Background - said "so called friend" aborted a baby in 2009 which was my husbands allegedly.... one of his cousins popped in thinking we had split because of this.. Then another little whisper, then the recalls of "just dropping so and so to the train or so and so needs help" always her. I may be really off the mark but I was too drunk to suspect and now its kind of making some sense?

I want my daughter back with me, i love her so much but at the same time what if it starts over and something happens? Im doing everything I am doing for her now... If only I had realised earlier....

DOTV

Your DH has NO MORE RIGHT than you wrt access to your DD. You have not given up your rights to see her, he does NOT have sole custody, there is NO legal order put in place.

So, all that's happening here is emotional blackmail.

YES, you desperately need help to stop/control your drinking and you need it now. Where are you up to in terms of counselling/GP intervention?

He has NO RIGHT to stop you seeing her unless the authorities say so.

Go and speak to CAB.

Hold that regret in the front of your mind and MAKE IT DRIVE YOU FORWARD! If you want her back, go and get her, do what it takes.

DOTV fwiw I agree with Saf and Mouse re contact with your dd. Are you sure he will bring her back to the UK? Don't want to worry you unnecessarily but you do need legal advice asap. I can understand his concerns but legally he has no right to restrict your access to your dd. If it ends up going to court (which is looking more and more likely) it's vitally important that you stay off the booze. Keep posting whenever you can but if you can't get to a computer, how about an AA meeting. Do whatever it takes. You can do this. We will help you.

Hello DOTV

I have been wondering how you were doing. Glad you're back on the bus. I can't help with any legal advice etc but I agree with the others that it sounds like it's more important than ever that you stay sober. Get as much legal/professional advice as you can and try with all your might to stay sober. It sounds like it might suit your DH if you turned to the bottle. That would give him all the evidence he needed

It sounds to me like you're doing pretty well though. Keep at it and keep posting.

Thinking of you x

hi all
some tough times for people on here.
Can't comment on them all - hang in there babes
ma