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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

SO SHOCKED

568 replies

dustystarry · 15/10/2011 02:13

Found out today that dh been having affair for a year. I had no idea. 12 yr old dd found out
looking at a phone he had borrowed cos his was broken. I feel completely shocked + numb. Always thought Id know but I had no idea at all. Our ds 11 has Sn and is really challenging to live with. I battled through oblivious to dh fixing his feelings with another women. Not been on MN for years + had even cancelled my membership but cant sleep + didnt know where else to go :(

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dustystarry · 21/10/2011 12:10

Thanks for all the support. I'm feeling better today. Still tired but not so low and tearful.

I have met some good Sencos and Ive met some truly appalling ones. The one at DS school is capable of being good but is lazy. The one is his last school was absolutely fab and the one in the first school he went to was absolutely awful :( Obviously my Mum was ace when she was a Senco ;)

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dustystarry · 21/10/2011 12:16

My Mum knows everything thzumba. I don't see the point in trying to keep it a secret to be honest. I'm not about to go shouting it from the rooftops but its pointless trying to hide it. The kids talk about it to their cousins and other children and this gets back to their parents and so on. My family are great. I am very lucky to have them. When I called my sister to say what had happened she dropped everything and came straight away. All she grabbed was her handbag - no pjs or toothbrush. Her dh called his work and took a couple of days off to look after their girls while my sis looked after me. My other sis took ds to my parents for the weekend. They all support me 100% in whatever choices I make so I really couldn't ask for more :)

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Thzumbazombiewitch · 21/10/2011 12:20

Oh that's fantastic, dusty. I just wondered because some people hesitate to let their family know what's going on in case it blows over quickly and then no one need know the damage - but it depends on the level of support your family are likely to offer, I guess and yours sound fabulous. :)

Earthymama · 21/10/2011 13:44

Have read your story and although I have no practical advice as it has all been said up thread, I would like to point you in the direction of www.bemindful.co.uk/Mindfulness. I find it invaluable when I feel overwhelmed by circumstances outside my control.
I hope all of you who are going though bad times have sometime for yourselves this weekend.
Bright Blessings
EM

dustystarry · 21/10/2011 20:48

Whorewhorewhorewhorewhorewhorewhore!

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dustystarry · 21/10/2011 20:51

Feeling a bit angry tonight! Definitely prefer the euphoria of mania - much more fun ;(

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AnyPhantomFucker · 21/10/2011 21:10

whorewhorewhore

you are talking about him right ?

dustystarry · 21/10/2011 22:51

Both of them phantom. Much more angry with him than her but when Im feeling low all those nasty dark vengeful feelings come out. Its complicated because she's nothing to me so therefore not a betrayal from her as such but because she's not someone I know + love its far easier to hate her too. Not very rational I know but Im not very rational tonight :(

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AnyPhantomFucker · 21/10/2011 22:55

I would hate someone who purported to love me, and accepted my love as his due more much more

Your feelings ae valid though, of course

Thzumbazombiewitch · 21/10/2011 22:59

Normal though dusty - because you can hate her with pure hatred, hating him is still tinted with the love you had for him and you thought he had for you. Confuses the emotion.

ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 21/10/2011 23:06

Dusty :(

While I agree in principal with AF (Phantom), I know I felt how you do, it is easier to hate someone you don't also love. It is easy to blame them too - even though you know that your partner is the one who made the vows and owes you their loyalty, it just makes it that tiny little bit easier to blame someone else for 'leading them astray'. Deep down you know it's crap, but it still helps a bit at the time.

What do you have planned for the weekend?

Big Hugs & Wine or Brew

Charbon · 21/10/2011 23:38

But it isn't crap. It's perfectly reasonable to hate the OW's behaviour, because it is......hateful. Wouldn't be rational to hate her more of course, but sleeping with a married man is behaviour worthy of anyone's blame, but especially by that man's wife and especially right now.

It's fair enough to hate the pair of them for now, but what might help you is to separate the behaviour from the people themselves. You know your husband and although you've described him as a selfish arse before the affair (now why doesn't that surprise?) you also know the good bits of him. You are also seeing what appears to be sorrow for his actions (although at this stage, a lot of that will be sorrow for being caught) whereas the OW is a one-dimensional pantomime villain whose sorrow or regret for the hurt caused, is unknown.

Don't give the OW too much power by making her something she's not. She's just an ordinary person who like your husband, made some very bad choices. She lacks the skills to do what you do, day in and day out with your son. If she's a decent person in the main, one day she might regret the pain she jointly caused and be sorry. But like you at the moment, she probably can't feel that magnamimous and is focusing on her loss.

One day she will have to confront the fact that if your husband had agreed to leave for her, she would have been complicit in the break-up of a family. Some OW never get past the stage of hating the MM or the woman he has chosen to be with and that is actually their misfortune, because they are losing out on the opportunity to examine their own destructive behaviours. Whether she feels regret, loss or decides to blame everyone else but herself, one day you might feel sorry for her and hope that she will learn from it, just as your husband appears to want to learn from his own hateful behaviour.

Right now though, give vent to what you feel, because it seems to me that your anger has been slow to come through - and that isn't necessarily a good thing.

Ineversignedupforthis · 22/10/2011 06:55

Wise words Charbon....

dustystarry · 22/10/2011 08:39

I guess thats it really. Im not a cruel or vengeful person really and most of the time whilst I have no real sympathy for the pain she must be feeling now + I don't particularly wish her ill. She's done a terrible thing but I know that doesnt mean she's a terrible person and no doubt she feels guilt about hurting me and the.children even whilst she resents us for keeping dh from her. However when Im feeling low and the pain is raw + my anger surfaces then I have to be honest I don't always feel.so charitable. Those feelings are normal I know but they're not the real me - they are a response to the intensity of my emotions right now. Hopefully counselling will help with that.

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dustystarry · 22/10/2011 08:45

And yes its because I still love him that my feelings for him are do complicated. He's been my best friend for 16 years and when Im hurting like this I want my best friend to put his arms around me + make it better but he's the one thats caused the hurt. I want to hit him + hug him at the same time. I hardly know her so my feelings for her are much simpler.

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wiseoldowl · 22/10/2011 10:39

It is easier to hate the person you don't know but she had no loyalty to you so won't feel the betrayal. Just that any decent human being (?) wouldnt touch a married person with a barge pole, although sadly we know that there are too many out there that will.

My OW was a 'friend' and I really hated her to start with but I think only because I didnt want to put all the blame on my STBXH but lets face it he's the one that said his vows to me, she's just a lowlife tart who saw an opportunity,envied my life and went for it. I still hate her and will never see her again as long as I live.

Its early days Dusty, just let it all flood out and go with it, thats all you can do at the moment. keep posting as well, you are getting good advice and at least on here no-one judges you

hugs

MadAboutHotChoc · 22/10/2011 10:46

My OW was a friend too - I hate her too, but also realise she must be very fucked up as her H was unfaithful so she knows how much devastation she would be causing when she shagged my H. SHe is quite a few years older than me, very fat but busty - my H said that it was the attention that he was attracted to, so even if I was perfect, it would not have made any difference.

My heart goes to you as I know how shitty it all must feel for you.

dustystarry · 22/10/2011 11:48

It must be horrible when the OW is a friend. A double betrayal :(

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Aislingorla · 22/10/2011 12:31

I don't know my H's ex ow and would never speak to her (have seen her when we were at the same party)Rational or irrational ,I still hate her!

Aislingorla · 22/10/2011 12:35

And Dusty, you are coping amazingly well, so impressive ! But, LET THAT ANGER OUT, GO FOR IT ! It's a very important stage of the recovery process.

dustystarry · 22/10/2011 22:02

Good day but weird. Didnt want him to go this evening. Just as well dd here to stop me doing anything foolish. Im not sorry that Ive had a relatively good day but I am feeling confused right now. Wish relate would hurry up + call back with an appointment. Left two messages now.

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ChippingInToThePumpkinLantern · 22/10/2011 22:27

It is really really hard - it's a complete mind fuck, it really is :( Can you afford any private counselling?

Ineversignedupforthis · 23/10/2011 07:01

How long since you contacted Relate dusy? Ours sent some forms to fill in-second class, which is not great when you feel you're in desperate times.

dustystarry · 23/10/2011 08:17

We can afford to go private for a few but not many really and there seem to be so many out there to choose from. The GP recommended relate.

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ParsleyTheLioness · 23/10/2011 08:24

Some people have got an app't through within a couple of weeks..,.how long have you been waiting dusty?