Plenty of Fish, yes, but where are the men? Dating chat thread #4

[lubeybooby]

A new one (again)

Dating, internet dating, all kinds of dating.... chat about it here.

Off you go! :o

You giggle away stay At least I know I would make a good boy scout, being prepared and all that! And yes, he was wet, he let me open doors for him too

watch I thought the same about his early morning text and it being a bit naff. It feels a bit clinical, wanting to know what I 'think' before he makes another move. Where's the fun in that?

Daisy has posted up thread, her date was a success and she wants to see more of him

Time - Arf! there should be badges fir Internet dating, like the scouts!

Daisy - I would text him but that's just me! I don't go in for the blokes always having to make the first move. Something light hearted...can't see the harm myself!

there is NO fun in that at all. In fact that would make me cringe a bit i think.
You can imagine he would be the type to say somethng like ' can i put it in now' or something as awfully hideous. There would be no sink breaking with him.

Thing is, i think anyway. We are all fine on our own, so we dont want to settle for that, you want it to be fun, and enjoyable, and passionate. Else to be honest, a takeaway and dvd at home is just as good. You know?

You did good though, to say no, and to recognise that that wasnt what you wanted and to act on that. Because, you know, there are lots of women that just date ( or see, or marry) anyone that shows a bit of interest in them.

i know you didnt get a shag, or even a snog BUT it was a positive experience. So, stay away from the wet ones, and get chatting to some more men :)

stay - i thought the same. But, i think if you wait to hear from them, then you know they are actually interested in seeing you again rather than just being ' damn, this girl text me, and i dont wan to be mean, so ill reply/ see her again'

same as sam further up the thread, said yes when she really didnt want to.

It should be that it doesnt matter, but i think that it does.
( and i hate that it does)
but it does

great idea stay

It did make me cringe watch, thought it a bit drippy actually. And YES, I can imagine him saying that .

Ok, let me tell you what happened last night. I let him pick me up from home, I felt safe enough to do it so and, rather than set off with nice straight hair and land at the pub with curly hair, like you do when the air is damp. So, it gets to 8pm and I receive a text "I am sat in the car outside your house" I looked at my phone in amazement, laughing while not quite believing what I was reading! As there are usually a few cars parked on the road outside my house and not wanting to make a ninny of myself by getting into the wrong one, I replied "Well are you coming to the door". He replied "ok". Then he knocked on my door . So immediately I was of the thinking that he was a numpty he may not be the man for me.

I love your post watch and agree with everything you say!!

so you knew within about 2 seconds that it wasnt right, didnt you. and then had to endure a whole evening. meh.
that is drippy behaviour.

My new tactic is to try and go for day time coffee dates to avoud the whole having to get dressed up for no reason and because you do know in a few seconds if you are going to like them or not.

saying that, ive got an evening thing with S and a whole day with AD. but i know for sure, that even if i dont fancy either of them, it will be a fun time.

Not going to lecture you on the dangers of getting into strangers cars. but you know that was not a good thing to do really, dont you.
I know you are older than me... but two rules BE SAFE!!! and dont do anything you dont want to do. Getting into a strangers car isnt a safe thing to do mrs, not even if you have been talking to him for a while.

telling off done :) lol. sorry.

also, he now knows where you live.
You dont know him,. you dont know how hes going to take the news that you dont want to see him again.

urgh. sorry to go on, but dont do that again!

and dont give out land line numbers
or places of work.
or childrens schools or anything personal. I know it seems like you ' know' these people, because you have been chatting for a while or whatever, but you dont, not really.

sorry - dont mean to be telling you off and giving a lecture, but your personnel safety is of the highest importance.

Yep! And I agree with you re daytime coffee. Totally! I spent money out of my holiday fund for a drippy date!! If anything I have learned to take the online messages with a pinch of salt and not read too much into it before actually meeting. Online and in his texts he came across as witty, confident, intelligent, manly, the complete opposite to what he was in real life. I had this mental image of him and how the evening would go and it was nothing like it. Stupid girl!

Thank you Mum watch, I consider myself told off and won't do it again because of course you are right! BUT, he is actually known by a friend of mine too so I did feel I was pretty safe with him. He didn't feel like a total stranger, especially after chatting on and off for over a year. But point absolutely taken, thank you

Interesting isn't it. We guys of time's "certain age" were conditioned by our Mums to be polite. We open doors, we pull out our partner's chair, we get the drinks, we try not to appear too eager or cloying, we ask before we kiss, we take the weight on our elbows we ask if we can put it in and we ask before we cum inside. If a woman shows confidence and takes the lead we love it because proactive women are soooooooo sexy.

it's ok, I know you mean well, and of course you are right. He is on my facebook and we have been 'friends' for a while but he has always wanted more. He wants the fairytale ending, the 'magic', a wife! I don't want those things so always refused to meet him. I don't feel under any threat from him.

But I do get where you are coming from and it was perhaps stupid of me so I wouldn't do it again. It just felt ok with him because I have 'known' him for so long and know people who know him, iyswim? Maybe I was being too naive?

Just a thought though watch if we had clicked and we had wanted to shag things to go further I would have had to let him bring me home wouldn't I? And I wouldn't have known much more about him after 3 hours and 2 glasses of wine than I did when he first picked me up. Now, I am confused

PoppaRob I think I have discovered that I am confident and I am proactive

glad yoiu dont feel under any threat, and im not saying ive not done worse myself ( once turning up at someones house... having only chatted for a while and having them on my facebook) but it was still silly.i was silly too.

I bought the second round of drinks PoppaRob and he said he was amazed, a woman buying him a drink. Apparently it just doesn't happen in his World. He let me do it though!! I didn't want him thinking buying my drinks entitled him to anything.

no, you wouldnt. but hopefully, some kind of judge of character would have come into play by then.
rather than arranging for a total stranger to meet you at your house, and then to get into their car ( where you have no control).

see - there is a difference.

That's ok, I know what you are saying and I know you are right

But how do you go about the shagging after a first date and not be doing something that's not safe at the same time?? Now I am genuinely confused about that. I mean, I had changed my sheets and everything!!

I'm not being deliberately argumentative but I honestly don't see the difference in allowing someone to give you a lift when you have changed the sheets ready for some bedroom action knowing that you are prepared to have what amounts to a stranger in your home. They could be on their best behaviour in the car, in the pub but turn into Jack the Ripper in the bedroom.

Am I being thick naive?

i think thats where the ' dont do anything you dont want to do' bit comes in.
If you feel uncomftable, or something isnt right, or you get a red flag, or your instincts are telling you something is up, then clearly you dont.
You either dont let it get to that stage, or just leave or whatever, depending on the situation/how uncomftable you are.

Mmm. So maybe I was naive in letting him pick me up from home because I felt comfortable with him after speaking online/texting for all that time. Afterall, he did turn out to be totally different in the flesh to what I imagined he would be. I get your point and I promise I won't be doing that again. I'm sticking to day time coffee's I think to cut down on all the expense of dressing up etc.

He has now text saying "But we can still be friends can't we? On facebook" I'm ok with that, friends is fine, shagging partner is not!

oh, you are totally right.
course you are.
But, you would hope after spending 3 hours or so, in a public place with someone, you might pick up if something wasnt right, or if you didnt want to have them back to yours. In which case, you can just make your excuses and leave, without having comprimised your safety.

Most men are fine, but you still have to look after yourself and your home that you share with your child.

also - the lift thing, you were in a car, with someone else driving. at any point he could have just locked the doors and speed off, gone anywhere, and you wouldnt have been able to do anything about it, all kinds of things could have happened. You were not in control. In a public place you are and then depending on how the night goes, you make decisions on things from there.

does that not make any sense?

Ha ha at locking the doors!! He couldn't do that as it was an old fiat or something with the press down things that lock the doors, it didn't have central locking

Everything you say makes perfect sense watch I totally understand where you are coming from and agree with you but men who are up to something bad are masters of deception, they are brilliant actors (think Ted Bundy) they are not normal men so, I'm not entirely convinced that you would simply know that you were at risk. I think the whole thing is a risk really.

Morning gang!
So, my update......
He was lovely, charming, fun, caring, tactile.....but still not doing anything for me. I did have the option of (& seriously considered) a "back on the horse after the ex" shag - but I just could not bring myself to do it as I was not physically into him. Emotionally yes, physically no.

I led him pretty close to telling him it was off, but could not be 100% honest due to his puppy dog eyes , but I will do so later today, I said I needed to think about it.
I feel so bad, I adore him, but just do not feel anything.
Back to the trawl.
Lesson learned - go with your initial instincts.
NEXT! Well after Strictly, my sofa & a massive bar of Whole Nut tonight anyway!

Get home told wriggly why prolong the agony? I must be a heartless woman, I really must, because I don't have a problem with telling it how it is, in a nice way of course. I'm to the point!

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you though. But your planned evening does sound grand!

It rubs the lotion into its skin.

yes, thats true too. and they are few and far between, but a bit of personal safety, to keep yourself safe, and some personal awareness of that is really important.

I dont want it to sound like im having a go, but its just you have to be smart about this kind of thing. Like the car thing, what if he had driven somewhere, the middle of know where, and then tried to pressure you into doing something you didnt want to do? there would be nothing you could do about it. Locks or not, you wouldnt want to jump out of a moving car.

The whole thing isnt any more of a risk than it would be meeting somone in real life, but i think you just have to make sure you are aware of personnal safety.

unless of course im being totally ridiclous.and someone please tell me if i am.

A girl in my hometown was murdered walking home from a club. She and her friend walked home, they had 50 meters or so to walk on their own before they got to their houses. People were sorry, but there were a lot of comments along the lines of ' what was she doing walking by herself ( even a short distance) at 1am. So i kind of think along those lines, if it would cause a ' what was she thinking' response, then it is probably not a good thing to do.

Weeeelll.....I've been at this donkeys years a long time and haven't had a problem. Yeah I know all the meet in a public place stuff and sometimes I do that but...

I'm getting picked up from mine tonight. It's no different to the days of old when I would meet someone out in town and end up coming home with them, or going home with them...except there's no sex involved. And you can actually know their name, check them out on FB, google them if they are googleable, and 'know' them far more than some random in a club. Like this guy tonight I know his name, we live in the same town and our kids know each other, (kids not spoken to about it obviously but they are in the same years and I can see his son on my DD's FB list) I haven't added him to FB but his wall is open and I can see he is genuine and has loads of friends and family and everything tallys up. Instinct is a lot of it too and I trust mine very much especially with experience behind me :)

I wouldn't recommend just anyone do that though... especially people new to the dating game before you've found your feet and your instincts.