I need a quick yes or no answer about whether XP can take our son without my consent

[drasticpark]

Brief history : DS age 10 stays with XP 2 nights per week and should go there tonight but XP cannot collect him from school today so I have made alternative arrangements. XP says he's coming to the house to collect him later although I have asked him not to. I have told him he can collect him from school tomorrow instead. XP is now very angry with me. I am being interviewed by the police at 4pm because XP threw a dog crate at me last week and it fecking hurt. He may be arrested for assault. I don't want him near me.

Soooo, if XP turns up can he just take DS? He does not have Parental Responsibilty (if that's of any relevance).

incognito writes a lto fo sense - i think the rpactical thing would be explaing to ds - that you and ex have an arrangement where one weekend with you one with him. so on your weekends, he does stuff with you regardles of offers from dad.
same when he on dad's weekend.

practically?

well if ds gets text from dad offering trip to go karting you say that is nice of dad but no sorry you cant go. end of.

in few years time yes ds will decide anyway.

But isn't it a bit different for the OP, since she is the resident parent and has the opportunity to provide consistency and sense? In your situation, incognito, the ex had residency?

I don't think it's a good life lesson for the OP's ds to learn that you can blow off plans at the drop of a hat if a 'better' offer comes up. It's not good socially with friends, and not good for future relationships: if he learns that the man always gets his fun time at the expense of everyone else around or work.

Sure, when it's not important to the OP, something that can be done another time, then why not let him go off with dad - but if it's something that needs doing or if it's something that has been planned for a while, like going away, then 'no' has to be said once in a while.

I worked a night shift last night and have only just woken. Thank you for the wonderful advice and I will look at the other thread.

I have never wanted to be away from another human being as much as I want to be rid of XP right now. And I might as well be honest and say that I really don't think I'm strong enough to press charges. I can't do it to DS.

I really want to sell up and move away so that I can have some peace. That is my dream. I am just a skivvy who pays the bills while he creams off all the nice stuff. Actually, that's how it was when we were together so I suppose I am better off now in that I don't skivvy for him any more.

I have discovered that XP has already made plans for Sat daytime which means DS will be out from 9am-3pm when he should be with me and XP will take him to football on Sunday morning so that's the weekend already gone. It will be the 3rd anniversary of my father's death and I would like to have gone "home" (150 miles away) but I can't now.

BUT, I am going to start pre-empting things and coming up with my own plans. I need to regain some control.

So are you saying the OP should switch ds's phone off on her weekends?

I think while ds is 10, it's ok for the OP to say to the ex - we're going away this weekend, it's my weekend, don't make any plans with ds. And to say to ds, if your dad wants to take you out this weekend, sorry, but we're going to x and I've already told him that, but you can do [whatever] with him next weekend.

Oops x-posted.

so it is "your" weekend?

then either 1. ds comes with you to your family and you cancel dad.

dad has seen him this week right? so it is not as if you cancelling a visit with a week or more in between... it is 2your" weekend anyway!

or 2. dad has him the whole weekend including o/night so you can go to your dad.

take time before your decide on pressing charges.
speak to someone about what it would involve for DS.

unless they have cctv fottage,

if no cctv then it may be that your ex denies it and claims you hurt yourself -in which case it would not go further anyway.

if they DO have cctv footage then you have to consider pressing charges i think as eviedence is there (and they wont therefore need ds evidence. ? )

sorri i meant to your family

I would like to have gone "home" (150 miles away) but I can't now.

yes you can. You load everyone in the car Friday night and go.
End of

You know you have to change yoour mind set, change how he has 'trained' you to behave.
Do it now this weekend.
Give him the two option, actually give ds the two options forget ex for now.
Explain to ds that you would like him to come with you to your family, but if he doesn't want to that's fine but he will have to stay with his dad as you are going anyway.
When you have together decided what you'd like to do then INFORM ex what is happening and then disengage.
Don't even look at his texts and GO You need to.

just go home, love

you sound so defeated

I would actually load ds in the car friday night, "accidentally" leave ds's phone behind and instruct everyone at home to not answer their phone unless they screen the call. Don't find time for ds to go on the computer or communicate with his father in any way

exP won't follow you 150 miles, will he ?

just go home

I won't attempt to nag you into pressing charges...but do realise you will still be here 12 months from now, possibly even more browbeaten because when he realises he has gotten away with this incident, he will take it as a green light to up the ante

You also know that you need to find a way of telling ds about his fathers unnacceptable behaviour.
Please phone WA to ask their advice they have done it before they would help you both through this.