I need a quick yes or no answer about whether XP can take our son without my consent

[drasticpark]

Brief history : DS age 10 stays with XP 2 nights per week and should go there tonight but XP cannot collect him from school today so I have made alternative arrangements. XP says he's coming to the house to collect him later although I have asked him not to. I have told him he can collect him from school tomorrow instead. XP is now very angry with me. I am being interviewed by the police at 4pm because XP threw a dog crate at me last week and it fecking hurt. He may be arrested for assault. I don't want him near me.

Soooo, if XP turns up can he just take DS? He does not have Parental Responsibilty (if that's of any relevance).

tell ds the truth - mummy has to talk to police about the crate throwing and they might talk to dad about it. because throwing crates at someone is bad.

if ds then says "i am ascared of dad -[after seeing him throw the crate] " then ds does not go with dad.

you will have police back up !

if you tell ds - police is about "a crime"
and THEN later you say which crime given that he witnesed it - then you leaving poor boy even more confused.

oops cross posted...didn't mean to end up virtually paraphrasing the past few posts

I am also watching Jeremy Kyle as well as MN'ing, and there is an abusive twat on there that took my attention for a moment...

it si a crime that your DS witnessed too - he has the right to have that acknowledged.

I am stressed to fucking hell and back again! I don't know what to do. I have got a huge physical pressure that's stopping me from breathing properly. I'm looking at the clock and it's whizzing then standing still. I'm starting to doubt that he threw a dog crate at me.

I agree...don't tell lies (or lie by omission) to ds

reality is your ex may get arrested and questioned but at maximum one night in cells while they quesiton - my exP spent one night in but only coz they arrested him at night time.

then later he got a warning etc.

if prosecution servivce take it up, your ex is still unlikely to be jailed in meantime. however, he could be given warningnot to go near your house etc - a kind of mini injunction if you like issued by police in form of a warning. so you ened to be thinking how handovers are done anyway from today.

your DS deserves to know the truth -that what he witnessed was a crime and was abad thing - and that yes dad might get talked to by police and - if ds asks - may get charged - tho for one offence unlikely t o go to prison.
if ds says "will eh go to prison" you say that it is not your decision it would be for a judge to decide.

your DS has a lesson to elarn too - dont throw things at people or police will be inviolved. dont sugar coat it his dad has done something bad - inf ront of him . tell him the truth

however if your exP turns up while police are there and kicks off -well could be whole nother story....

Interview DS? Are you serious??? I cannot have that. I will not have that.

he threw a dog crate at you

love, listen to me and listen to me good

this is why I said waaaaay upthread that you must follow through with pressing charges

getting cold feet at the 11th hour is very, very common

you are scared, you are mashed

but you must do it, love

or this time next month, you will be no further on

dp...why not ?

you can be with him, if they decided to do that

they may not decide to interview ds, they may do but they will do it kindly and sensitively

please, stop tying yourself in knots

if you are not careful here you are going to talk yourself out of this

yes, delay the police until after ds has gone and then take it from there

you can then speak to the police and explain you would prefer it if ds were not interviewed

have a cup of tea and a sugary biscuit...you are going into shock, love

is anybody there with you now ?

you got the bruises right?
and he ash form for violence?
so tell the police!

DS saw it right?
so tell the police.

if this means DS has to miss visits with dad for a few weeks while you sort out handovers - well so be it. it is dad's fault

get a lead from DS - has this made hims cared of dad or is he quite happy?
is dad laughing it off ot him?
tellign DS you deserved it or proviked him?

this is chance to teach DS soemthing - yes he will still love dad and want to se him but he needs the right lesson here

no dont delay police - you need support

dont let exP come to your house to pick up Ds without a third party present - or have DS meet him outside.

I mean delay the police for an hour or so...they must still come today

police interview to child- will be done carefully - maybe just questions s - what did he see? open ended. but that doesnt need to be now

I can tell you now that if the police say they need to interview DS then that is the end of it. Right at that very point. He has been through enough. It's less than a year since he told his teacher that his father should be stoned to death after he saw a news item about an Iranian woman. The school set up counselling for him at that point.

if ex is angry i woudl rather have police there !

the end of what?

why does he think dad should be stoned?
earlier you said he got on welll with dad?

OP, I am bowing out of this thread now as I think it may be confusing you more

I think you should go off MN and ring Womens Aid and ask their advice

or ask the poilice theirs when they arrive

I think the pressure of deciding what to do right now is messing with you, and you are in danger of not pressing charges at all

which would be the worst outcome of this thread...I am very scared that will occur just now