I really need some honest advice please.

[uknowme]

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Keep going, UKM, you're doing so well. Don't even question whether you are good with money or not, that is irrelevant to what he is doing, it's nothing to do with YOUR behaviour, and everythig to do with his need to control you, as others have said. Take 5 secs every time he 'accuses' you of something or judges or defines you in some way and remind yourself that it isn't YOUR behaviour which is up for question, unless YOU choose to make it so.

Hi UKM,

Have just come across this thread, and wanted to wish you luck at Relate. You really are amazing in your strength, eventho' it might not seem like it to you at times.... I'm sorry that you're going thru all this. HUGS to you, and do let us know how it goes at Relate!

uknowme - My immediate instinct is to say leave him for your safety and than of your son. Men that use violence usually have some kind of power obsession and this could just be the beginning of even worse violence to come. For a partner to hit another shows the break down of respect for each other and i'm sure you would hate for your son to see this sort of behaviour. I can appreciate that you like your house, area etc but i'm sure you would be a happier person thus a happier mother if you didn't have to live with the fear of this happening again and your son would benefit greater from a happy mother more so than a nice home etc. Even if you are a bit of a cow sometimes nothing warrants that sort of dis-repsect for someone and it will be hard to leave especially if you want to stay but know you shouldn't. Personally i would put my childrens safety and my own first and would leave regardless of any feelings towards my partner because this incident would indicate the beginning of a type of behaviour that i would not tolerate and i would lose trust in his ability to be a good husband and patient father. You may say that he would never hurt your son but i expect once upon a time you would have said the same about him hurting you. My advice is to get out now.

U,
my home computer is knackered, cant access personal e mail form here. Just thinking of you and hoping that everything happens the way you're hoping.
love
l
xxx

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Uknowme - how did the meeting go - and most importantly how are you feeling now ?

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Me too, Batters. Hope things went ok, uknowme.

Twinkie, I heard on the radio this week that milk does not cause mucus. It's a Food Myth. (There were some others but this is the only one I remember for some reason.) Can't quote you details though!

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Do you want some company this evening/w/end/stay over - let me know. I promise not to play Petula Clarke. So sorry, lots of love.

I'm very sorry.

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uknowme, I'm so sorry.

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uknowme,
it is no wonder you 'fell apart.' You have been waiting for this for a while, hoping that relate could help you and H get back on track. I suppose you wanted him to break down like you did, and say how sorry he was.
What now? Or do you not want to think about it yet?

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uknowme, I am sorry to hear it wasn't what you'd hoped for. Mind you men generally are very good at keeping stuff buttoned up - once the actual counselling starts he might let go a bit. But telling it all has probably been good for you, and for your situation, and he must be thinking about everything, even if he doesn't let on. Relate will help sort things out, one way or another. Hope the "few weeks" don't take too long.

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uknowme - I'm sorry to hear about this. I've been following your thread closely since the beginning but this is the first time I've posted on it. I have to confess that I don't know much about how Relate works - but is there any way that you can meet with the counsellor on your own so that you get a chance to fully explain what happened, without worrying about saying things in front of your DH? I realise that this may defeat the object of going together and discussing things together but it might help to get things off the ground?

Good luck and hugs coming your way from the other side of the world!

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It really worries me that you still sound genuinely afraid of him (when you said you wouldn't have said anything if you were going home with him that night). I really don't believe you can have a healthy relationship and raise children when you are physically afraid of your partner.
I'm sorry it didn't go so well.