The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Joins The Foreign Legion In Their Quest For Sobriety.

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse and I have a very abusive relationship with alcohol.

I can't just have one glass of anything, I have to drink until I pass out or run out. Whichever comes first.

This Bus is a place of solace and safety, where drinkers, non-drinkers and those who aren't quite sure can come and post or just sit and 'be'.

No-one will judge you, no-one will think any the less of you because we all have the same thing in common.

Alcohol.

And for those who want to read the journey's so far and the original thread by JWN, the lady who very bravely started these journeys for us, HERE they are.

(PS - the title is just for you notevenamousie)

ok i found them but you need to let me know his favourite players.

SaF-you don't need to buy individual ones as they are much more expensive. You can buy packs of 5 for 50p (but you don't know which ones you are getting) in most newsagents around the country - it's just that you haven't had cause to notice them (or probably the Doctor Who Monster cards) yet. But you will...MWA HA HA HA.... fortunately we've managed to avoid pokemon / bakugan and have had only a brief brush with club penguin - clamberingup I am sure you know what I'm talking about if you have a boy...

oh god - i do hope ds does not notice there are doctor who cards!!!

ok i'll keep a look out - pm me your address

i am sitting in my newly arranged living room and loving it. still a bit of painting to do and still various 'piles' that need sorting and homing but it is a room again

mouse thinking of you this morning, and also hoping that all is well with your test results xx

shaker I don't know what an Allen Carr seminar would be like, but I did read the book. It helped me, but I also needed other forms of support (like this thread . I know you say that you CAN'T stop, and many of us also imagined that would be impossible too. I remember quite a few on here who first posted saying that they could not imagine an evening without a drink. Just let us know what you feel motivated to do, and we will all rally around with our tips and tactics and favourite distractions.

saf I think I'd be rather scared to be mean to you on fb - I think that your bite could be rather painful and your bark could be equally as scarring . Your friend is either stupidly brave, or bravely stupid

On sleep, I was one of the lucky buggers who had sleepy babies. dd2 in particular was like the dormouse in Alice in Wonderland, always rubbing her eyes either just waking up or just about to go to sleep. dd1 was most difficult when she was 6 or 7, and would get very anxious about things. She had a 'little bag or worries' and every evening before she went to sleep she would take all the individual worries out of her head, and put them in the bag so that she could go to sleep.

Really sorry about your friend mouse. A friend of mine died from cancer a while ago, so quick, and it was horrid. Huge love to her children. Not much help at moment but I do believe a dead parent can become your guardian angel and therefore a very useful thing. Their sprit can protect you. My mother died when I was two (no memory at all of her) my father (from alcohol abuse at 42 when I was 12 ? no traumatic memories of drunkenness though, might be easier to stop if had?). Although my behaviour is a shambles, it could all be much worse. I have significant blessings. I think the dead protect me. Hope not offensive to anyone.
Feel rubbish today. I am hearing Ant n Dec saying ?it might be you? that isindes one night stand comes calling on tonight. Did you know s/he?s not a one woman sort? The euphoria of control and feeling miles better have worn off. All I can see is a long trudging road of denial. Denial of nihilistic annihilation shouldn?t be tricky. Personally, I think I have self harm issues. And shouldn?t project. Bugger. Along with Ant / Dec I also have children?s song ? one more step along the road (?) I go? trilling repeatedly in my head, but only that line which is monotonous and can?t recall any more. I want to get off the road. But will go and buy some floor cleaner.

thinice one more step is a Sydney Carter hymn much sung at Primary School - tag line/chorus 'Keep me travelling along with you' seems rather apt for the 'Bus'.

One more step along the world I go,
One more step along the world I go.
From the old things to the new
Keep me travelling along with you.

Chorus
And it's from the old I travel to the new,
Keep me travelling along with you.

Round the corners of the world I turn,
More and more about the world I learn.
All the new things that I see
You'll be looking at along with me.

Chorus

As I travel through the bad and good
Keep me travelling the way I should.
Where I see no way to go
You'll be telling me the way, I know.

Chorus

Give me courage when the world is rough,
Keep me loving though the world is tough.
Leap and sing in all I do,
Keep me travelling along with you.

Chorus

You are older than the world can be,
You are younger than the life in me.
Ever old and ever new,
Keep me travelling along with you.

mouse sorry to read of your friend's death - always a shock even when expected.

Hi to fellow travellers. Today I will not be drinking - enjoying a little of JWN's boingyness.

love that jwim

venus - i think you're right - i try to avoid getting into arguments with people because i know if i go into survival mode i am not a good person to cross. not proud of it but my tongue knows how to go for the throat if i'm pushed far enough. comes from having to learn to defend myself from my mother's verbal attacks in my childhood i think, she would totally humiliate me and eventually you have to fight back or die inside completely itms. by mid teens i was fighting back to save my spirit.

sorry bit of a purge there

(i'm actually really quite impressed with myself at how calm i stayed in this exchange as she was speaking to me like absolute shit and trying all sorts of transparent make me feel shit tricks and i didn't 'go for her' to stick with the dog analogy. she is out of my life though. limits.)

Oh for just a little of your fighting spirit SAF, I seem to be totally incapable of standing up for myself without bursting into tears

Saf well done for staying calm.

You reminded me of a buddist quote I read

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

Hard to do sometimes, though.

Mouse sending you hugs, it's hard to know what to say, especially across the airwaves, but my thoughts are with you, and your friends family.
I hope the test results were ok.

Working from home today, as I put my back out at work yesterday, am sitting on cushions, and typing gently!

P.s Welcome Shake

Isinde Lack of sleep is sooooo draining. I think I may have mentioned how my two did(n't ) sleep. I was a zombie for years, won't help to go over my time for you, now. All I would say, is sleep whenever you can, I didn't, I just thought I should be awake and doing jobs if they napped. I was wrong!!

Hello all.

Welcome Shake please don't ever feel that you can't post on here because of real life. Nice to meet you x

JWIM - and where have you been? Up to no good? Causing mischief?

Lovely hymn, it took me straight back to the dusty old church pews at Primary School. Thank you for making me smile today. x

Well, the doc told me nothing I didn't already suspect. He has told me to stop drinking or else I will end up seriously ill. My liver has raised levels of GGT and that will lead to liver disease if I don't stop today.

I told him that I'd done 13 booze free days since being ill. He explained to me that within 1 month, my liver will begin to normalize. After six months he wants to repeat the tests to check that all is as it should be. He said there may be some scaring that could remain.

Thing is, this was my decision. I know for a fact that if I'd gone there today, still drinking, I would rebel. Especially given the news we got this morning. My instinct of days gone by would be to have a drink. And when I'm told that I can't have something, I want it all the more.

So this feels right. My doc said well done for getting through 13 days. For making that decision on my own.

Re the falls, he is referring me to a Neurologist. He's worried that I am still falling, tripping and bumping into things. Plus he has no idea why I have numbness and short term memory issues......

I'm fit for nowt but the knackers yard!

Welcome shake.

Mouse big hug, not sure if it is positive news, Fab attitude.

Hope back is improving thurso

Thanks for the lyrics JWIM, very apt.

Got any spare home improvement energy spare sAf

Mouse it sounds like the timing is just right for you now. You're ready to do this and your body is ready too. You can do this. We will all help too. So sorry about your friend. Gosh, life is just so precious, her poor, poor boys .

How about some more rousing lyrics to spur us on and get us all in the right frame of mind for not drinking today. I like the one that goes - I'm doing fine now, without you baby . .

Might be able to think of some better ones later. P'raps we should have a bus anthem that we all sing like they do on coach trip

Welcome shake are you planning to not drink tonight?

mouse seems the trip to the GP has strengthened your resolve - hope that you and he find get to the root of your falls etc.

As to what I have been doing - well, nothing outrageous, just life, family, some changes to routines now settling down but meaning I am now looking to rejoin the workforce! I do really value my sober days and nights and for those starting out I have found it does get (generally) easier and the socialising has not been the problem I think I had imagined it would be. I try to keep up with the bus but often in a catch up way rather than in 'real time'. That said, I take great comfort from the many experiences shared here well beyond the demon drink. There is much wisdom and some very amusing fellow bus passengers.

Apologies to anyone who is now reluctantly humming 'one more step' - can you tell I have Primary School experience!

I'm drinking now, I'm pissed or anything, I need to confide to someone what I have done, I'm warning you it is really bad : I have been violent to my husband, I hit him and I bruised him.

shaketheshame we have all done things that we are capable of losing ourselves in self pity, guilt and remorse over. I for one am not going to agree with you about what is really bad, but to ask do you need any more convincing that when you drink, your life turns to chaos? Because, IME, these things that you wouldn't choose to do, will keep happening if you keep drinking.
Do you want to stop? You probably don't now, as you are drinking, but when you have sobered up, come back here and think about what you are prepared to do, and what you stand to lose.
Do I think you are a bad person? No. But you just possibly might be an alcoholic. I am. And it's not, actually, the end of the world, however much it feels like it.

I've had a rollercoaster of a day, but I have helped a couple of people, had some exercise in the fresh air, and looked after my poorly girl when we got back from school, and I haven't needed or wanted a drink today. Job done, I think.

Mouse that sounds very tough - I lost a schoolfriend last summer and just buried the feelings in alcohol - it's not fair. So much is not fair. Crying is good.

thurso ouch and get better soon

ma don't starve yourself too much at first and drink lots and lots of calorie free non fizzy stuff.
I might join you all on the weight loss initiative - my BMI is now closer to 30 than 25 which is not great for either my health or confidence - time to lost the chocolate crutch, perhaps!

Sorry, that was an unjustified sweeping statement - many of us have done things for which we have felt a lot of guilt, including me - I can't and shouldn't speak for others.

And where is the French Foreign Legion of Sobriety this week, anyone seen him?

notevenamousie - I meant I'm not pissed but last friday I was and I know I need to stop as I'm a bad drunk, I'm definitely addicted to alcohol and can't have just one glass. I hit my husband, I tell him horrible things on a regular basis. I always bring back the past, his mistakes and I end up screaming at him, throwing things at him! Before drinking just one bottle an evening, I just to drink 2-3 bottles a day (2 years ago), I was starting at 9 am in the morning after dropping off the kids. Its is better apart from the angry outburst ..I'm sorry I don't know if I'm following the thread procedure..I'll probably bore you with story.

shake why are you drinking right now? I mean apart from the obvious, that you are addicted to it. Could you just tip it down the sink, get yourself a cup of tea or glass of water, and come back here to talk to us. We won't be shocked and we won't judge you. Having people here who understand what it's like for you can be a huge relief.

noteven well done on getting through the day .

noteven - nope, he's not appeared here yet. I'm saving a seat for him next to JWN

Fairenuff - I know it is what I should do and not drink, tip it over the sink. I'm going to do the Allen carr stop drinking seminar and before that I just need to carry on as normal..I realize I probably bother you and you can ask me to leave.

Shake - what made you pick up tonight? A physical addiction (shakes, sweating, nausea etc) or habit?

For me it was habit. The same old tired routine. I used to drink 90 units a day, or damn close to.

That is the kind of level that will KILL YOU. Maybe not by itself, but by chance. A forgotten pan on the stove, door left unlock, a tumble down the stairs...... all very, very sad stuff.

Life is too precious to waste but you know what? Until recently, and I mean very recently, I didn't think I was ready to stop. The first time I was on this Bus, I argued that I could just cut down. And, for a while I did. And then I stopped. And then I started again, slowly. But surely.

Shakes - what can we do to help you? How can we support you? What do you want to happen and when?

Mouse I know I cant cut down, I have to stop all in one go, I have tried and tried many many times but it doesn't work so I have chosen to go for Allen Carr. He managed to stop me smoking (I was smoking for 15 years) and I feel he can stop me drinking (drinking for 3-4 years) but I sound like a advertising .