How many of the men in your life have used prostitutes, compared with how many who haven't? I'd like to ask for help or perspectives on this?

[aliasforthis2]

I'm a semi-regular poster but obviously have name-changed for this.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

I worked as a prostitute for 4 years and stopped/exited nearly 18 months ago. The reason I started working as a prostitute was because it was sold to me as a glamourous and easy way to make money. At the time I had many debts and was working minimum wage and living totally hand-to-mouth with no room for manouvere,if an unexpected financial burden hit like a bank charge, we would be screwed having to choose between food and electric. A friend worked for an agency and I'd seen Belle du Jour and naively thought it would be like that.

Anyway, I am now out as I just couldn't handle it anymore. A very small percentage of the men were ok but the vast majority did things like -
-try to take the condoms off
-have poor hygiene and refuse to shower first worried it would take up their 'time'
-try to get service for less money or even steal back the money
-try to force services i did not offer like anal
-be unashamed about the fact they were partnered or had a wife at home
-speak to me disrespectfully and patronising, saying things like "I want to get the most for my money" etc
-scrutinize my body and give me advice on how to look better or compare me either positively or negatively to other ladies
-try to take up mush more time than paid for deliberately
-sometimes maybe once a month i was assaulted leaving bruises or spat on or held in a house
-a lot of phone or text harrassment
-most wanted young women the younger the better ie 18-20. i'm serious when i say that this is what most men wanted - young and naive. I answered the phone for the agency sometimes and i'd say three quarters of the men specifically requested 'young' ie 18-21 , 25 at a push.Which I think is disgusting given most are in their 40s wanting as close to 18 as they can.

Obviously not every man did ALL of the above but I'd be hard pressed to find a man who did not try at least one of those things. I don't know any other way to describe it.

I have been single for a while, I had a relationship with a genuinely lovely man I met at my new work for a while (no red flags) but it ended as he became a complete workaholic when starting a company and we drifted apart and split 6 months ago.

Anyway the point of this thread is for me to get a more balanced perspective on men. I had counselling on the NHS for 12 weeks which was helping but they wouldn't fund any more. I have been told by sympathetic friends who are also ex prostitutes (not told anyone in 'real life') to remind myself that it's only a v.small percentage of men who use prostitutes/escorts. But I just cannot see it like that. Every man I see walking down the street I view as a potential customer of prostitutes and treated a person how the customers treated me. I feel like punching them sometimes for no reason. Every married man I know I wonder if they have went to a prostitute with their wedding ring happily on moaning about their wife. I find myself wondering if I will ever have a relationship with trust again. I don't live in a particularly big place or a travelling business place but the sheer hoardes of men calling the agency every day and booking was unbelievable. And more than half would have unsuspecting wives or gfs.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

Thanks x

No izzy, I did none of that. But it makes no difference, I know from experience that people here can't (in general) cope with alternative points of view. You are a rare exception to this. And my views on prostitutes and the men who use them are unrelated to my general views on "mainstream" women. As you questioned earlier, in some ways I have more respect for prostitutes and their users for being more "honest" about the tranaction rather than being in financially dependent relationships.

HedleyLamarr My deleted posts were perfectly legitimate, and responded to a point already made. Someone here with access to the "delete" button disagreed, as often happens here.

Usually those people with the delete button respond to offensive posts that break MN rules. I can imagine, from the tone of your later pretty bitchy posts, that you spoke about prostitutes being deserving of being treated despicably because they were for sale.

Wrong. I didn't break any rule, and your "imagination" is very wrong. I notice you're not accusing anyone else of "bitchiness"...odd that, as everyone here is so nice!

my views on prostitutes and the men who use them are unrelated to my general views on "mainstream" women - strange. Does that mean you don't consider prostitutes to be normal women?

No, it means I don't consider them as being in the "mainstream", and nor would most women either. Or men for that matter.

moonferret you are being so antagonistic, why do you feel you have to jump on and derail this thread again.
This is relationships, the OP was asking for some info and then thread moved on with user experiences, please leave you have no valid contribution to make.

I'm not sure I think of prostitutes as anything other than women, women who are prostitutes. Perhaps the only thing I feel about most of them is pity and I have a particular loathing for Belle du Jour.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 02-Oct-11 23:42:07

prostitutes of both sexes provide a valuable service to society I seem to recall writing that, passionsrunhigh. Perhaps you would care to consider the service that prostitutes provide in cushioning the wider community from abuse/violence and other perversions/deviant behaviour that would otherwise be reflected in crime statistics?

Am I reading this right? You think sacrificing a prostitute is a fair trade for saving the community from a deviant?

1. Deviants who can't get their kicks with a consenting adult need eradicating not placating
2. Prostitutes are human beings not fodder.
3. Shall we have a group of people we mark down for use by murderers and general assault to protect the community?

Oh dear, PamBeesly is another who can't cope with views different to her own.

I never understand on MN why people repeatedly engage with someone asking them not to post?

It's like arguing with a toddler. Ignore ...and sit them on the naughty step

TT. Thanks for reposting that, it's always good to remember that some people really are that low and do feel like this.

moonferret. Aside from people disagreeing with you, the purpose of a 'relationships' thread is generally support. Can you honestly say that's what you're hoping to give the OP?

I know two men who have used prostitutes, one as part of a drunken Vegas weekend as a once off, the other unfortunately had a horrible sleazy lifestyle that landed him in prison.

But I know many men and have a male dominated hobby where shyness is not the thing at all.

DH is running names around his head now and comes from a massively male background- haulage, then electronics- and can't think of any to add to my list. He was a 28 year old virgin when we met but says he never would have considered it.

moonferret I think you are being antagonistic, I disagree with your views, but I disagree with the views of loads of posters, I don't have a problem with any of them, I just think you are being rude and quite mean hearted to the OP.

Posie "Support" is seeing all points of view. If I needed "support" I would want to hear different perspectives, to see how I could deal with things.

Pam, I think you're the antagonistic one. Give up please.

Support isn't hearing different sides when someone is clearly distressed.....

What are you all doing? A certain poster has come on to antagonise, troll, derail the op, and derail the various posters coming here seeking support. Wouldn't 99% of this thread say?

SO STOP engaging with him and mentioning him by name and even acknowledging his posts, if you think this is the motive.

People out for a fight soon go away, when no-one responds. Like lack of oxygen to a fire. By constantly engaging, you are all dragging the fight out, so are just as bad. Ignore and report.

Well, it is. But the OP hardly sounded "distressed" in any case, with her long and "authorititive" postings on the subject.

Can we drop it and get back to the OP please? She was so interesting and articulate.

How ironic bubblegumpop. Yet another who can't cope with alternative views.

bubble, you're right.

[hangs head in shame]

TPP