Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How many of the men in your life have used prostitutes, compared with how many who haven't? I'd like to ask for help or perspectives on this?

687 replies

aliasforthis2 · 01/10/2011 21:27

I'm a semi-regular poster but obviously have name-changed for this.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

I worked as a prostitute for 4 years and stopped/exited nearly 18 months ago. The reason I started working as a prostitute was because it was sold to me as a glamourous and easy way to make money. At the time I had many debts and was working minimum wage and living totally hand-to-mouth with no room for manouvere,if an unexpected financial burden hit like a bank charge, we would be screwed having to choose between food and electric. A friend worked for an agency and I'd seen Belle du Jour and naively thought it would be like that.

Anyway, I am now out as I just couldn't handle it anymore. A very small percentage of the men were ok but the vast majority did things like -
-try to take the condoms off
-have poor hygiene and refuse to shower first worried it would take up their 'time'
-try to get service for less money or even steal back the money
-try to force services i did not offer like anal
-be unashamed about the fact they were partnered or had a wife at home
-speak to me disrespectfully and patronising, saying things like "I want to get the most for my money" etc
-scrutinize my body and give me advice on how to look better or compare me either positively or negatively to other ladies
-try to take up mush more time than paid for deliberately
-sometimes maybe once a month i was assaulted leaving bruises or spat on or held in a house
-a lot of phone or text harrassment
-most wanted young women the younger the better ie 18-20. i'm serious when i say that this is what most men wanted - young and naive. I answered the phone for the agency sometimes and i'd say three quarters of the men specifically requested 'young' ie 18-21 , 25 at a push.Which I think is disgusting given most are in their 40s wanting as close to 18 as they can.

Obviously not every man did ALL of the above but I'd be hard pressed to find a man who did not try at least one of those things. I don't know any other way to describe it.

I have been single for a while, I had a relationship with a genuinely lovely man I met at my new work for a while (no red flags) but it ended as he became a complete workaholic when starting a company and we drifted apart and split 6 months ago.

Anyway the point of this thread is for me to get a more balanced perspective on men. I had counselling on the NHS for 12 weeks which was helping but they wouldn't fund any more. I have been told by sympathetic friends who are also ex prostitutes (not told anyone in 'real life') to remind myself that it's only a v.small percentage of men who use prostitutes/escorts. But I just cannot see it like that. Every man I see walking down the street I view as a potential customer of prostitutes and treated a person how the customers treated me. I feel like punching them sometimes for no reason. Every married man I know I wonder if they have went to a prostitute with their wedding ring happily on moaning about their wife. I find myself wondering if I will ever have a relationship with trust again. I don't live in a particularly big place or a travelling business place but the sheer hoardes of men calling the agency every day and booking was unbelievable. And more than half would have unsuspecting wives or gfs.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

Thanks x

OP posts:
LeBOF · 03/10/2011 19:04

I think you just aren't listening. MNHQ have warned you that your posts are inappropriate, for a start. And if you haven't heard what other people have been trying to explain, then you can just look at my last post to remind yourself. I'm not sure why you are so hard of understanding, and feel it is pointless to engage you further on the topic. Suffice it to say that your behaviour here has been rude and boorish, and I would strongly encourage you to reflect on that.

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:08

They have not been "inappropriate", "rude" or "boorish", they have just been different to the consensus here. Ironically, my views are similar to those held by the majority of men and women on this subject. I'm pleased you won't be "engaging" further with me. Your interactions with me, on this thread and others, have been very rude, boorish and inappropriate.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:09

you make no reasoned responses at all mf

and even though you keep saying you won't engage with me, you always do

actions

actions not words...remember that Wink

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:10

No, AF...I said you get no REASONED response from me.

stripeybump · 03/10/2011 19:11

It's not a debate moonferret! OP has asked for support regarding her situation, not your judgement or a debate. Have some respect.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:12

yes, that's what I said, mf

is there an echo in here ?

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:12

Like the respect you and others show me? I see!

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:13

it's not your thread

get over it

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:14

AF, you can attempt to provoke me as much as you like, it simply won't happen. Any sane person would realise this after the 10+ attempts you've made on this and other threads. But even if you persist indefinitely, you will not get the reaction you yearn for.

KatieScarlett2833 · 03/10/2011 19:14

I know one, he's single and an utter saddo.

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:15

if you started your own thread, probably entitled why does nobody like me...and is my grandiose attention-seeking likely to be contributing to it ? I would try my best to give you the respect you so clearly think you are entitled to (without ever making any posts that earned you any)

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:16

yet you keep biting, mf

you are clearly enjoying it as much as I am Grin

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:16

Keep trying..

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:18

I enjoy winning against cyber bullies :)

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:19

< biff >

Ormirian · 03/10/2011 19:20

Bit late. Sorry. But I have no idea. Why would they tell me?

moonferret · 03/10/2011 19:22

And here's a random post from LeBOF I found on another thread:

Oh, just divorce him. He sounds like a massive knob, even if he hasn't got one.

Seems I was right again...

exoticfruits · 03/10/2011 19:22

I don't know any who have.

madam52 · 03/10/2011 19:23

My DH always says he would never pay for it and never has and never will. I think with some men its a case of too much pride in themselves aswell as too much respect for women/other human beings. I just think a lot of men just dont have it in them - just as a lot of women dont have it in them to be a prostitute.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 03/10/2011 19:24

LeBOF was right on that other thread, though.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 03/10/2011 19:24

You may have more success getting your views across if you phrase them in such a way that doesn't appear as if you personally are intent on insulting, slighting, or diminishing the OP purely because of her former life choice, moonferret, or because you have (apparently) had negative experiences with a woman/women.

The OP has posed 2 questions which have produced this thought-provoking thread and I believe that a cross section of opinion can only be a positive force for stimulating more thought and dialogue as we try to find ways to help to OP move forward, encourage those who feel unable to leave 'the life', and consider the wider implications of prostitution on our society.

However, if you are unable to desist from exhibiting a display of misogynism that is of no help to the OP, and which can only confirm her undertandably skewed opinion of the male of the species, perhaps you could consider framing your particular take on prostitution as a question in AIBU or Chat?

Alternatively, why not post your thoughts in Feminism/Women's Rights...?

AnyFucker · 03/10/2011 19:25

what was your problem with that remark on the other thread, mf ?

were you the subject of it ?

LeBOF · 03/10/2011 19:25

That comment was entirely appropriate in the context it was posted. You trawling my posts and dragging them from thread to thread, however, is not.

ThePosieParker · 03/10/2011 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

HedleyLamarr · 03/10/2011 19:28

It has never crossed my mind to use a prostitute. Mainly because I don't want to have sex with a woman who doesn't want to have sex with me. I know that as a minger this means a life of celibacy, but that never hurt anybody and doesn't worry me unduly.

This

"She had this sort of "I'd look happier if I stepped in dogshit" expression on her face. No smile, no friendly introduction and no attempt to engage me in conversation.
She opened the door and just stared at the floor.

As well as an extremely unfriendly introduction- she also understood very little English; looked like she was about to top herself and generally did not look like she wanted to be there. Intercourse was awkward. Not only could I not get a good rythmn going due to chauffing because of luibe- but the girl started complaining less than 8 minutes in her insides were hurting. I mentioned that was the reason I insisted on foreplay."

Posted by AliasForThis2 is horrific. How any man could have sex with a woman in such distress really confuses me. This poor young lady was possibly trafficked here. I have somehow missed all of MoonFerret's deleted posts, but I'm guessing they weren't very nice. As for ShagmundFreud, what the actual fuck? I don't know the site you've all been quoting, and I'm not about to try to find it.

AliasForThis2, ChangeInBrief and OhMeToo I hope you get the help you both need and deserve. I'm certainly on your side.