How many of the men in your life have used prostitutes, compared with how many who haven't? I'd like to ask for help or perspectives on this?

[aliasforthis2]

I'm a semi-regular poster but obviously have name-changed for this.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

I worked as a prostitute for 4 years and stopped/exited nearly 18 months ago. The reason I started working as a prostitute was because it was sold to me as a glamourous and easy way to make money. At the time I had many debts and was working minimum wage and living totally hand-to-mouth with no room for manouvere,if an unexpected financial burden hit like a bank charge, we would be screwed having to choose between food and electric. A friend worked for an agency and I'd seen Belle du Jour and naively thought it would be like that.

Anyway, I am now out as I just couldn't handle it anymore. A very small percentage of the men were ok but the vast majority did things like -
-try to take the condoms off
-have poor hygiene and refuse to shower first worried it would take up their 'time'
-try to get service for less money or even steal back the money
-try to force services i did not offer like anal
-be unashamed about the fact they were partnered or had a wife at home
-speak to me disrespectfully and patronising, saying things like "I want to get the most for my money" etc
-scrutinize my body and give me advice on how to look better or compare me either positively or negatively to other ladies
-try to take up mush more time than paid for deliberately
-sometimes maybe once a month i was assaulted leaving bruises or spat on or held in a house
-a lot of phone or text harrassment
-most wanted young women the younger the better ie 18-20. i'm serious when i say that this is what most men wanted - young and naive. I answered the phone for the agency sometimes and i'd say three quarters of the men specifically requested 'young' ie 18-21 , 25 at a push.Which I think is disgusting given most are in their 40s wanting as close to 18 as they can.

Obviously not every man did ALL of the above but I'd be hard pressed to find a man who did not try at least one of those things. I don't know any other way to describe it.

I have been single for a while, I had a relationship with a genuinely lovely man I met at my new work for a while (no red flags) but it ended as he became a complete workaholic when starting a company and we drifted apart and split 6 months ago.

Anyway the point of this thread is for me to get a more balanced perspective on men. I had counselling on the NHS for 12 weeks which was helping but they wouldn't fund any more. I have been told by sympathetic friends who are also ex prostitutes (not told anyone in 'real life') to remind myself that it's only a v.small percentage of men who use prostitutes/escorts. But I just cannot see it like that. Every man I see walking down the street I view as a potential customer of prostitutes and treated a person how the customers treated me. I feel like punching them sometimes for no reason. Every married man I know I wonder if they have went to a prostitute with their wedding ring happily on moaning about their wife. I find myself wondering if I will ever have a relationship with trust again. I don't live in a particularly big place or a travelling business place but the sheer hoardes of men calling the agency every day and booking was unbelievable. And more than half would have unsuspecting wives or gfs.

I feel sad and like I've seen things I cannot un-see.

So if you can be reasonably sure that your husband or partner or ex or other male in your life has NOT used prostitutes post please post here.

Likewise if any males in your life HAVE used prostitutes please post here too.

And also if they gave reasons for either doing it or not doing it or given their views on the sex industry please post them.

Hopefully it will give me a more balanced perspective than my current "all men are johns who did these things" and help my recovery.

Thanks x

with

Bogeyface if you think women are being "exploited" by being prostitutes, then it's reasonable to say men are financially exploited. You don't have to have been either a prostitute or a "client" for this to be obvious...

beatenbyayellowteacup I did wonder why you'd stopped sending me private messages for the last few minutes!

Yes, it is because you are a different misogynist to the one I posted about in August.

As I said to you, I was just dumbfounded that there are two of you.

I've been passed on a great link for a Hide Poster button you can actually install for MNing if anybody wants to PM me. I can't pretend to know how it works, but I think there are instructions on the link with how to install it.

mf:
if women are being "exploited" by being prostitutes, then it's reasonable to say men are financially exploited

sorry, that's just not true. Punters have a choice, the victims often don't. Exploitation implies a level of coercion, and no-one forces men to have sex with prostitutes. There is NO exploitation of the users.
(i'm male, btw)

beatenbyayellowteacup you could just refrain from sending me messages!

And here's a message I've received from MN:

However, we wanted to drop you a line about the tone of your posts as 'moonferret' on this thread. While we've no problem with any poster expressing strong opinions, we do expect our posters to adhere to our Talk Guidelines and refrain from personal abuse, and from responses that will inflame an already heated debate.

Mumsnet exists to help parents by enabling them to pool support and resources. We's be grateful if you could bear this in mind in your future posts.

Best wishes,
MNHQ

So from that, it's clear that any message that doesn't fully agree with the prevailing view is "inflaming". What a shame people can't understand that different people have different views. I wonder which person here has the "power" to delete posts and send these messages? I have my suspicions..!

Ah yes, those poor punters are the real victims of exploitation here (no sarky quotes around the word for them). Obviously rape, sexual assault, cruel and degrading treatment is only "exploitation".

Some reading for you moonferret

What is your point, moonferret? You surely cannot be claiming that men who choose to pay prostitutes for sexual services are being financially, or in any other way, exploited.

No client is compelled to use the services of prostitutes, but some girls/women and boys/men are compelled to work as prostitutes.

In the world of prostitution, exploitation is perpetuated by the client and not the worker.

Taghain so why don't more women feel "forced" by financial need into doing it then?

MNHQ, remind me, why are racism and homophobia not allowed but misogyny is fine according to the Talk guidelines?

Isn't it about time that changed on a board mainly used by women?

I wonder who else MNHQ know he is?

I can't be bothered explaining, as views that someone here doesn't like get deleted anyway.

add paranoia to the list of dubious attributes

Reposted without what got it deleted, I hope, sorry for that MNHQ, I couldnt hold it in!

By paying for a service that they have actively sought out.....yes, very exploitative......ffs.............

And DUH!!! because she is posting about how to recover from a traumatic experience, so obviously it is going to be about her.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=cross+eyed&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&client=safari&sa=N&tbo=d&tbm=isch&tbnid=2S5d7aygbjZHVM:&imgrefurl=3dmoviedude.com/%3Fp%3D135&docid=9oK-F7jSWfGotM&w=283&h=424&ei=ddGITsz7DMjG8QPqz6A8&zoom=1&biw=1024&bih=690" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">This is my Hide Poster tip for reading threads in Feminism, and now, it seems, Relationships. Employ it with caution with prolific new posters.

Hello Alias I have read through this thread, and I am so angry for you and ohmetoo at the abuse you have suffered.

I wish you both the peace and happiness that you deserve.

Taghain so why don't more women feel "forced" by financial need into doing it then?

The fact that you put forced in inverted commas is disgusting to women (and men too actually, PEOPLE) like me who were genuinely forced into prostitution by financial need.

Yes, very exploitative. Many people are "exploited" having sought various "services" in life. DUH!!

So why don't many, many more women in financial need do it then alias?

oh, BOF, if the wind changed I might get stuck like that

< scared >

Thanks for posting that link to "Object" prolesworth , I had a look and it seems a good site in general x

No-one forces a man to go to a prostitute.

It's that simple.