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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I'm the type of person you all hate

171 replies

QuestionTime · 01/10/2011 15:45

Hi all.
Basically want some sense knocked into me and I know without question you are the people to do it! Basically I feel like the ultimate cliche.
I'm 26, blonde and I'm told very pretty (I don't have a lot of confidence and my dh isn't the demonstrative type so struggle to see it myself.) Anyway last week we had a very drunken night out and in the cab home (we shared as we live near each other) the big boss of our department came on to me. Stroking legs, trying to kiss me etc. I was totally surprised- he is generally quite flirty to all the girls but I never saw this happening. In the end I pretended to fall asleep cos he is so senior I didn't want to piss him off but didnt know what to do.
Next day at work I thought he would have forgotten all about it as we were all so pissed the night before but nope- the messages started coming.
I flirted back, which I know I shouldn't have. I find him very attractive and it was a buzz but it's such dangerous waters. Plus we are both married- him for 24 years.
He wants to meet up when he us back in the office in a month. I am so tempted but know that I must not and that this is all so wrong. My head has been turned like a silly little idiot.
I just can't get him out of my mind- and every time I try he sends more messages. I keep trying to think about his poor wife and my lovely dh to stop my self responding in kind. It sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.
So please ladies with the benefit of your experiences give me a giant kick up the arse.

OP posts:
aliceliddell · 01/10/2011 18:31

constance you forgot the sharp stick to poke in her eye

GossipWitch · 01/10/2011 18:33

Omg, if your blonde, young and pretty, why the hell are you flirting with someone old enough to be your dad! eeewwwwww!!!!

He'll be wrinkly and panting and probably even have a heart attack, he could even have to pop a few viagra, eeeewwww

DH needs to be told to appreciate you more, because one day someone will swipe his beautiful wife from under his nose, lets face it, her boss is already trying to!.

Tortington · 01/10/2011 18:33

fuck him til his pacemaker gives out

Gay40 · 01/10/2011 18:34

your affections are engaged elsewhere and that any indication to the contrary was a momentary lapse on your part I fucking love this line, and I wish I had thought of it first.
To be fair, I'm over 40 with a body like a two-sticked toffee apple, and women still hit on me (I always think they must be blind). I'm never interested anyway, being besotted with DP. I'm not sure it's got a goddamn thing to do with looks.

OP, what everyone else says - I wouldn't give him the proof you are up for it.

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto · 01/10/2011 18:34

Ahem ladies, 'tis relationships, not AIBU...

Just sayin'

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 18:35

Exactly Edith - she asked to be kicked up the arse!!

Aislingorla Grin that should do the trick!!

lalalalalalala - I commented on what the OP said, I did not make any assumptions.

Lifeinlalaland · 01/10/2011 18:39

@ ChippingIn...oh right my mistake. It was someone else who wrote

'Is the underlying message that we're all old, brunette & ugly?

Stop being so up yourself.'

My apologies, got it wrong.

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 18:45
Robotindisguise · 01/10/2011 18:54

Assuming you want to keep your job, don't do it.

But (although the guy's an idiot) you can't tell him that.

There was a bloke sniffing round me at a business away thing once. When he came up to chat I said how much I was missing my husband and couldn't wait to get home. He shuffled off.

Your best bet, on Monday, when he asks how your weekend was, is to say you and your DH had a lovely romantic meal.

Then have a long look at your own relationship. I suspect it's not in great shape if you're thinking of shagging a much older boss-man just for a bit of attention.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 01/10/2011 19:04

The only burn marks on his flaccid member will be from having his warts frozen HB Wink

Bellar82 · 01/10/2011 19:12

LOL @ 'I'm the sort of person you all hate. I'm young, blonde & pretty

Is the underlying message that we're all old, brunette & ugly?'

Have a sordid affair with the boss .... end result will be losing your job and your marriage, it's your call ....

TheOriginalFAB · 01/10/2011 19:17

I took it we would all hate her because she was a cheat, not because she was young and pretty and blonde. They are 10 a penny. Hmm

Stop being a stupid little girl and behave yourself.

rookiemater · 01/10/2011 19:39

OP as you are 26 and describe yourself as attractive I'm amazed you haven't been hit upon before, so I think you must have led a sheltered life.

You are seeking validation of being desirable through this potential affair. If you must cheat on your DH at least choose someone young and handsome,preferably without kids. At the minute you are in danger of becoming a walking cliche. I wonder how many affairs this man has had before? If you can't find the steel not to respond to him, then that might be an interesting question to ask.
What do others in the office think of him, usually with a man like that he will have a reputation already.

cory · 01/10/2011 20:00

"I think I'm the type of person you all hate"

No. You are the person a lot of us will feel sorry for because you are insecure enough to feel flattered when chatted up by this geriatric. Women who know their worth just don't react this way.

yellowraincoat · 01/10/2011 20:05

He likes you cos you have low self esteem. People can see low self-esteem a mile off, and the ones who are fuckheads use you for it.

It has nothing to do with being pretty/blonde/young blah blah blah.

kerrymumbles · 01/10/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aislingorla · 01/10/2011 20:13

Quick Kerry, write it again. This 'deleting lark' gets on my nerves!

kerrymumbles · 01/10/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerrymumbles · 01/10/2011 20:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tadpoles · 01/10/2011 20:20

God some of you lot are so ....aggressive....why do you care so much about a total stranger's sex life? Just curious?

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto · 01/10/2011 20:22

If this were IABU then I think the responses would be fine.

But it is NOT. it is relationships.

I love you all, but if you want to give someone a kicking, keep it for AIBU, not here.

even if they ask for one!

Aislingorla · 01/10/2011 20:22

And your point is? (tadpoles)

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 20:27

Agree with dondiego, no need for rudeness.

rubyrubyruby · 01/10/2011 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 01/10/2011 20:45

Fair enough point by dondiego. On a more supportive note:

OP, you don't have to settle for this, you can do better for yourself than this insecure elderly man who uses his subordinates to prop up his flagging ego.

You need more support, maybe in the shape of counselling, to help you find your confidence: this man is not going to help that in any way.

Then you need to look at your relationship with your dh- completely without reference to any other man: is it worth salvaging? Could you perhaps access couple counselling? If your dh isn't making you feel good about yourself, perhaps it's him who needs to change as much as you.

Just ignore your boss, there is no way this is not going to end in disaster.