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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I'm the type of person you all hate

171 replies

QuestionTime · 01/10/2011 15:45

Hi all.
Basically want some sense knocked into me and I know without question you are the people to do it! Basically I feel like the ultimate cliche.
I'm 26, blonde and I'm told very pretty (I don't have a lot of confidence and my dh isn't the demonstrative type so struggle to see it myself.) Anyway last week we had a very drunken night out and in the cab home (we shared as we live near each other) the big boss of our department came on to me. Stroking legs, trying to kiss me etc. I was totally surprised- he is generally quite flirty to all the girls but I never saw this happening. In the end I pretended to fall asleep cos he is so senior I didn't want to piss him off but didnt know what to do.
Next day at work I thought he would have forgotten all about it as we were all so pissed the night before but nope- the messages started coming.
I flirted back, which I know I shouldn't have. I find him very attractive and it was a buzz but it's such dangerous waters. Plus we are both married- him for 24 years.
He wants to meet up when he us back in the office in a month. I am so tempted but know that I must not and that this is all so wrong. My head has been turned like a silly little idiot.
I just can't get him out of my mind- and every time I try he sends more messages. I keep trying to think about his poor wife and my lovely dh to stop my self responding in kind. It sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.
So please ladies with the benefit of your experiences give me a giant kick up the arse.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 17:39

She is coming in for some criticism because she did the 'Oh I'm so young & pretty you must all just hate me' pathetic routine and she's contemplating fucking a married man behind her Dh's back - what would you have us do, congratulate her?? FFS

Lifeinlalaland · 01/10/2011 17:47

Lol at all the women automatically assuming she is up herself because she describes herself as pretty. FWIW I read the hatting bit as because she has been flirting with a married man and she is also married and as anyone who has read 'Relationships' here for even two days knows that is totaly not acceptable here.

Anyway OP - I don't mind answering you without feeling threatened and having to give you a fuck off and assume you are an arrogant bitch for being attractive.

Don't do it. pervy boss boy wants an illicit shag with a hot woan half his age. it could wreck your marriage and his and also your career. Yuck. He WILL be shit in bed and it Won@t be worth it. plus you know the olde ra man gets the crinklier his butt gets Wink

And as for the ones having a fit because she is young and hot...get over it. You are only showing up your own pathetic insecurities.

Lifeinlalaland · 01/10/2011 17:47

Bugger. hating not hatting.

passionsrunhigh · 01/10/2011 17:47

she didn;t boast that she was pretty, she said she's been told so but obviously she's not confident, as her husband doesn't compliment her, and a man who does is hard to get out of her system. She's opposite - asking how to resist it as he's NOT USED to it.

Lifeinlalaland · 01/10/2011 17:48

Erm plus the other typos. Oh well.

passionsrunhigh · 01/10/2011 17:49

meant 'she's mot used to it attention)'

Tortington · 01/10/2011 17:49

i thnk you should totally go for it

i think your marraige will beneffit and your career will sky rocket.

passionsrunhigh · 01/10/2011 17:49

why is there no EDIT function on here???

passionsrunhigh · 01/10/2011 17:54

didn't OP just say that she's not AT ALL planning to sleep with boss? please read her posts before flying onto fury! all she said that he showed attention and it's flattering, as she obviously needs a confidence boost as a woman after her H has been putting her down. So much for 'sisterhood' grr

Tortington · 01/10/2011 18:05

sisterhood is over rated

fuck his arse off sister

Aislingorla · 01/10/2011 18:05

Your boss came on to you in a taxi ! Stroking your legs and trying to kiss you ! You pretended to be asleep so as not to offend him! He sounds feral! Why would he 'come on ' to you like that? Did he not even talk to you first? Like, most peopke chat up before attempting to kiss somebody!
Or where you (both) flirting before he attempted to kiss you?

coffeeinbed · 01/10/2011 18:05

What the Jeff has the "poor me, everybody hates me because I'm beautiful" routine with the fact your boss want to sleep with you?
he will obviously try with anything with a pulse.
And what has this to do with the fact you want ot sleep with him?
get your head out of where it seems to reside currently.

MangoMonster · 01/10/2011 18:07

Not sure why people think the OP is arrogant. I thought it was quite clear that she thought people would hate her as she's contemplating doing something immoral and hurting people, not because of what she looks like. Give her a break.

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 18:09

LifeinLaLaLa - suitable name. What the hell makes you think any of us feel threatened by the OP. FFS. Grow up.

Charbon · 01/10/2011 18:11

FWIW, I read your OP as assuming posters would hate you because you've got yourself involved with a married man, while you're married yourself. However, I am a bit intrigued about why you felt it necessary to comment on your appearance, because really it adds nothing to the OP or our understanding of your dilemma. Maybe something to think about when all this is done and dusted eh?

Other posters have explained why this is a terrible idea, on so many levels, but you CAN retrieve this situation and maybe even some good will come of it.

First off, you stop flirting back and do the grown-up thing and ask to see the man in private. Explain that you were initially very taken aback by his flirting and worried that to knock him back too harshly would damage your job prospects (and if nothing else cools his ardour, the prospect of HR or an Employment Tribunal hearing that, will do the trick) BUT add that you accept you were equally responsible for letting the situation get out of hand once it started. Explain that you don't want to get involved and that this must stop.

Then, sit down with your H and have a chat about how you've been feeling, but again, have a think about why compliments about your appearance are so important to you, especially if your H is otherwise loving and kind. If he's got a bit complacent, tell him. Up to you whether you tell him about this incident, but your aim is to improve your relationship and your feelings of being desired and loved.

We've all done stupid things at some time or another, but I'm giving you some credit for at least thinking about this man's wife and family, as well as your own marriage and your own self. Don't ever be the sort of woman who shits on another people, to get what she wants.

coffeeinbed · 01/10/2011 18:13

MangoMonster - if this were the case there was clearly no need in so subtly stating the fact that she is.
It's not relevant to her woes.

Tortington · 01/10/2011 18:15

fuck him raw

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 18:17

Custardo - do you perchance agree with TheMitfordsMaid Grin

DonDiegoYDoritoYTinto · 01/10/2011 18:20

It speaks volumes that you describe yourself in purely physical terms, not I am great at my job, and my colleagues respect me and I have amazing opportunities for career advancement if I work my butt off.

That tells me me you have no confidence in yourself apart from your looks. And that confidence is already undermined by your husband's boorish behaviour.

No wonder you are responding. But stop now. What do you want? Probably neither of them.

Time to start respecting yourself, even if your boss and your husband don't.

Its your life and you write the story. Do you want to look back in ten years and think , wtf was Ithinking?

HotBurrito1 · 01/10/2011 18:22

OP like charbon I wonder why you told us what you look like? Doesn't really add to the equation. Anyhow, this bloke is not going to meet your needs and is a sleaze. Hope this helps.

Lifeinlalaland · 01/10/2011 18:24

@ ChippingIn I believe you made the first assumptive post regarding how the OP perceives herself. Speaks for itself really and says a lot about you. Enjoy your attitude. Wink

Anyway I don't normally get into a bitchfest on these boards, OP I am sure the attention is flattering but try to reframe it into what it really is. Once you are able to do that effectivley I am positive the fires will suddenly feel like aq cold bucket of water has been thrown on them.

I would think it is worth addressing with your husband why he seems to have such a low opinion of you and how that is effecting your marriage?

EdithWeston · 01/10/2011 18:24

She did actually ask to be given a kick up the arse. I don't think there's any need on this one to be sensitive on behalf of the OP.

But, I think I would have posted much as I did regardless of the OP's request for a hard time.

This man has no regard for her whatsoever, and it would be career and marriage wrecking. Now, if you want to get rid of either career or husband - fine. But to chuck away both for a person who gives only a transitory fuck seems excessively reckless.

Tortington · 01/10/2011 18:25

till his dick has blisters

HotBurrito1 · 01/10/2011 18:28

Probably already has Custardo.

Aislingorla · 01/10/2011 18:28

Why not tell him you are desperately in love with him and want to end your marriage and for him to end his and emigrate together.