I think I'm the type of person you all hate

[QuestionTime]

Hi all.
Basically want some sense knocked into me and I know without question you are the people to do it! Basically I feel like the ultimate cliche.
I'm 26, blonde and I'm told very pretty (I don't have a lot of confidence and my dh isn't the demonstrative type so struggle to see it myself.) Anyway last week we had a very drunken night out and in the cab home (we shared as we live near each other) the big boss of our department came on to me. Stroking legs, trying to kiss me etc. I was totally surprised- he is generally quite flirty to all the girls but I never saw this happening. In the end I pretended to fall asleep cos he is so senior I didn't want to piss him off but didnt know what to do.
Next day at work I thought he would have forgotten all about it as we were all so pissed the night before but nope- the messages started coming.
I flirted back, which I know I shouldn't have. I find him very attractive and it was a buzz but it's such dangerous waters. Plus we are both married- him for 24 years.
He wants to meet up when he us back in the office in a month. I am so tempted but know that I must not and that this is all so wrong. My head has been turned like a silly little idiot.
I just can't get him out of my mind- and every time I try he sends more messages. I keep trying to think about his poor wife and my lovely dh to stop my self responding in kind. It sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.
So please ladies with the benefit of your experiences give me a giant kick up the arse.

[wamster]

Young brunette women, too. And young redheads. Just not to be discriminatory.

[MangoMonster]

He is just using you and will move on when he's done. Please don't thing men like this would ever leave their wives or treat you with respect. Don't disrespect yourself or your dh.

[squeakytoy]

Oh I agree he is lusting after her because she is young and blonde and pretty, as are probably plenty of many other blokes, but he shouldnt be, he is a sleaze, and encouraging him is never a good idea.

[BeaOnSea]

And men that value their own marriage keep it in their pants

[ivykaty44]

QuestionTime

do you want to be used, abused and spat out fro breakfast? Possibly you can get your marriage wrecked all at the same time?

If you would like all of the above and some more misery - then go right ahead and get stuck in with this man.

If you want to have happiness. Then go cold, tell him anything that will get you out of this and still keep your job.

[Katisha]

Is part of your motive to get back at DH who can't bring himself to compliment you?

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

He is going to shag you senseless If only, Gobby! I doubt he'll manage than 2 minutes, if that.

Your dh sounds a waste of space - either kick him into touch or dump him and take your pick of your other admirers with a clear conscience.

If you intend to let the big boss fuck you, make him work for it; get a hefty payrise and promotion out of him and start looking for another job before you do the deed.

If you like your job and want to continue in you present employment, tell him that your affections are engaged elsewhere and that any indication to the contrary was a momentary lapse on your part.

[almostgrownup]

QT, sorry that you are getting some nasty messages back, when you have been brave coming on here and asking for some help in how to say no firmly. Tbh, this man's behaviour is disgusting, using his power and authority to abuse you. Unbelievable. If you took this up with HR he could be in serious trouble. You may be young and you may be his junior at work, but you can be morally superior. If you give in you will feel like rubbish. Truly you will make things worse for yourself. The brief buzz at snaring at snaring a boss will really be extremely brief. Please ignore his calls and don't be alone with him again.
Sorry about your chilly DH too, that is a longer term issue which you will have to confront. Hugs for you, not kicks.

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Men fancy young, blonde women Some don't, wamster, and some fancy anything that has a hole they can stick their dicks in.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

Oh dear.

Been there. I wasn't married, but I was young and stupid and he was much older and married.

I thought it was flattering too until I realised he was shagging just about everything that moved, plus his wife as unbeknownst to me she was pg at the time.

He wants something warm to put his dick in, he's obviously a total c* for even considering doing this to his poor wife.

You are complicit. It's wrong in so many ways.

Stop it, for fuck's sake.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

ah x post izzy

[wamster]

I don't want to be puritanical about this: whether he should or should not be lusting after her is not something I'm going to pass judgement upon. I dislike puritanical attitudes as they deny the truth.
It's like drug abuse and how awful drugs are etc etc. Nobody ever acknowledges that the reason people take illegal drugs is that it makes them feel bloody good.

Well, I see parallels with this here: naturally having an illicit affair makes a person feel good and thrilled. Yes, it feels fabulous, but the after effects may be disastrous. And just like the after effects of drug abuse are horrific, the after effects of this affair will be marriage break ups and loss of job.

[bubblegumpop]

I'm 30 blonde and have been told by many I'm very pretty. Does that mean I hate myself and hated by others? Really?

Did you mean to be so up yourself and insulting?

[QuestionTime]

No I'm not doing it to get back at dh as it's not productive at all. And just to be clear I will not sleep with him even though if I'm being totally honest I want to. I want to stop being so weak and start ignoring the messages. It's not worth risking my marriage over a stupid flirtation. However I can't seem to get him and sons of the things he was saying out of my head. However this thread and the honest discussion about his motivations and the consequences is helping a huge amount. So thank you.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

He's targeting you because you have low self esteem. He can see that and he's taking advantage of it.

It's sleazy and wicked.

You need to speak to your husband. Come clean about the fact your boss is harassing you (you don't need to mention anything that you have sent back) and tell your DH that you don't feel loved or desired by him so you are finding the attention flattering even though you would never do anything.

Maybe it will be the wake up call your relationship needs?

[tadpoles]

Why doesn't your husband fancy you, though? Surely he is missing a good thing here?

I would tell your boss to eff off - he is abusing his position of power here and you will be the one to lose out. I was once in the position where the head of the department started making passes at me (knowing I was married). What was quite funny was that he assumed I was being coy because I was married.....in actual fact I wouldn't have touched him with a barge-pole even if I had been living on a desert island all my life and had never had sex....the arrogance of him!

However, it was the beginning of the end of my job - I knew one of us would have to go (his ego was damaged poor little lamb) and I knew it would have to be me.

[wamster]

Then you are going to have to find the willpower to resist. No judgement, just a fact. Good luck.

[crystalglasses]

All sounds a bit Mills and Boons to me.

[squeakytoy]

I dont think having an illicit affair makes you feel good. It can make you into a nervous wreck.

[tadpoles]

eg: theoretical conversation: Creepy boss: 'is it because you are married that you are not responding to my gorgeous manliness and amorous advances.'

Me: 'No, actually - I don't fancy you and I find you creepy. '

[wamster]

squeakytoy I see it as being akin to drug abuse- it makes you feel good and turns you into a nervous wreck. People get off on the highs and lows of it all.

[CupOfBrownJoy]

Actually it makes you feel good for about 10 minutes then you spend an awful lot longer feeling dirty and used.

[FannyNil]

He might think you are the one with whom he wants to a) have a bit of sex, b) have a lot of sex, c) spend the rest of his life with, d) give a great big boost to his ego, then he can go home to the woman who has stuck with him for 24 years, does his ironing etc. You don't know do you? Whether you indulge or not depends on whether or not you want to cheat on your DH. If you have sex with your boss, is that going to enhance his view of your professional abilities? When you might be up for promotion and he has shagged you, is that going to help you get promotion? Would you want it on that basis? If your marriage is wrecked, you will have only yourself to blame. And no, I don't hate you because you are young and pretty - I am really not that shallow? Are those the things that are important? I actually feel sorry for you because you are so foolish. If you are not an airhead, then don't sound like one.

[Witherhills]

That's my husband

[passionsrunhigh]

why are some people on here so agressive towards OP? SHE never initiated anything with the boss and was shocked that he started it. Her H is a moron for criticising her and not being appreciative.
OP, you need to stand up for yourself with your H, maybe actually tell him that someone at work hit on you (don't mention it's hte boss), maybe htat will make him stop criticising and worried that you'll go elsewhere.