I think I'm the type of person you all hate

[QuestionTime]

Hi all.
Basically want some sense knocked into me and I know without question you are the people to do it! Basically I feel like the ultimate cliche.
I'm 26, blonde and I'm told very pretty (I don't have a lot of confidence and my dh isn't the demonstrative type so struggle to see it myself.) Anyway last week we had a very drunken night out and in the cab home (we shared as we live near each other) the big boss of our department came on to me. Stroking legs, trying to kiss me etc. I was totally surprised- he is generally quite flirty to all the girls but I never saw this happening. In the end I pretended to fall asleep cos he is so senior I didn't want to piss him off but didnt know what to do.
Next day at work I thought he would have forgotten all about it as we were all so pissed the night before but nope- the messages started coming.
I flirted back, which I know I shouldn't have. I find him very attractive and it was a buzz but it's such dangerous waters. Plus we are both married- him for 24 years.
He wants to meet up when he us back in the office in a month. I am so tempted but know that I must not and that this is all so wrong. My head has been turned like a silly little idiot.
I just can't get him out of my mind- and every time I try he sends more messages. I keep trying to think about his poor wife and my lovely dh to stop my self responding in kind. It sometimes works and sometimes doesn't.
So please ladies with the benefit of your experiences give me a giant kick up the arse.

If your husband never says he loves you and calls you chubby when you're not, then you need to divorce him. I'm not kidding. What's the point?

Don't fuck your boss. Are you mad? Everyone will know (they will, believe me) you will be left with no self-respect and probably no job.

As a first step to dealing with all this, start going to counseling. If you had more confidence and self-respect you would not be in either of these situations.

And for future reference, if your boss starts fondling you in a taxi, don't pretend to fall asleep -- just say NO.

You shouldn't sleep with him.

But neither should you have to listen to your husband telling you you're chubby and need to work it off. That's a horrible thing to say.

Honestly? I think you need to take a look at you marriage and H and think about what to do there- because never being told by him that he loves you or finds you attractive is a sad way to live. You sound like you miss being told that by the man you're married to and focusing on this other man ignores the real problem.

You're not the kind of person I hate, QT (is that a pun, by the way - 'cutie'?). You're the kind of person I pity.

You sound very confused and as if you have some self-esteem issues.

Either you're up for a shag with your boss - in which case you might or might not want to consider possible effects on your and his relationships, career, etc.
Or you're not, in which case you should make this clear rather than sending out mixed messages.
If you don't want his constant attention and you make this clear then if he's got an ounce of sense he'll back off very quickly.

If - as seems to be the case - you're confused and guilt ridden, perhaps you need to look at your own self-esteem issues. I'd sat that in the meantime, though, you should steer well clear of him. (Just so you can hang on to your career and stuff, you know?)

If you want to wreck your marriage, ruin your career and your reputation, for the sake of being a quick shag to a bloke old enough to be your dad, go for it.

If however, you want to stay with your husband, keep the respect of your colleagues, and your own self respect, then keep you legs shut, and do not email him anymore.

Going to file a complain with HR will get you nowhere by the way, because you have already reciprocated in the flirty email exchange, and as he is a senior manager, you can bet your bottom dollar he will walk out of it scot free, and you will have your career in tatters.

If I were you, I would look for a new job now, while you can still get a good reference and before you make any very very silly mistakes.

The boss isn't remotely interested in you. If he had an ounce of real interest, there would be something akin to courtship - drinks, dinner, night out; something that involves a bit of planning and effort.

Nope, you got a lurch in the back of a cab after a works do. You could have been anyone - nothing social about you or the circumstances at all.

Do you really want to jack in your marriage for someone who has such a very low opinion of you, your availability, and your place in the pecking order?

If so remember - the youth and prettiness fade, but the total lack of judgement will haunt you long term.

Look at it in the cold light of day, for what itreally is:

A sleazy old married man trying it on with a young, junior employee, abusing his position of seniority to get his leg over.

He is going to shag you senseless and then drop you like a fucking hotcake, love. You know this. And you will have jeopardised your marriage and career for what, exactly? A sordid bunk up with a man who has undoubtedly done this before, and will no doubt do it again.

Wake up and smell the Starbucks, love.

Why are you with a man who puts you down?

If you are young, blonde and very pretty I should imagine you get a fair bit of attention from males anyway so, if you are after boosting your self-esteem, just seek out somebody who is single. It's your choice if you want to mess up your own marriage but leave somebody else's husband/partner alone.

You need to get a grip. Over the years you will probably come across many people in and outside work who fancies a bit on the side. I'm NOT young, blonde or pretty but have had plenty of advances from senior members of staff over the years. It might be flattering (although not necessarily when it's somebody old enough to be your father) but you need to show a bit of self respect.

For a lot of cold and manipulative people, what you have here could be the perfect opportunity for career advancement and snagging a richer older guy in the process.
But you don't seem that cold and manipulative and scheming, so I say leave it be no matter how tempting it seems. No judgements on your character, just common sense advice.

I don't think OP is saying that she is the kind of person people hate because she is young pretty and blonde.

I think she is saying she is the kind of person people hate as she is thinking of cheating on her DH with a married man.

OP, tell your boss to fuck off. If he persists, launch a harassment complaint. Don't sleep with a married colleague just to get an ego boost. Work on your marriage first.

There is something charismatic about men in power, even if they are just office bosses who are trying it on with the prettiest girl in the office to see if they can.

There is also something exciting about the thought of an illicit affair, all the lurking around and meeting in corners and no one in the office knowing about it.

Really the reality is nothing like that, may be good for the first couple of times you meet up, then it will start getting awkward at work, people will know and treat you differently and then you will find out about everyone else who has had their dance cards already filled in by Mr Big.

Please stop responding to his texts, he is not in love with you, heck he probably isn't even in lust with you but wants to mark you off his list and move on to the next one.

I have to say your marriage doesn't sound great, at 26 with no kids ( I presume?) you should both be having the time of your lives out enjoying yourselves, going on nice holidays. Your DH doesn't sound great if he is mocking your size 10 figure - is he doing it affectionately or is it just mean?

I don't think anyone wants to be unkind on this thread its just that some of us have been there and bought the t-shirt in our mis spent youth and want to share some of the knowledge that advancing years ( and dress size) invariably brings.

I don't know what this crap about 'self respect' is, though- he fancies her, she fancies him. It's natural and nothing to do with self respect, just nature.

I don't hate you. What makes you think that I would give you any thought at all, let alone summon the energy to actually feel something for you?

Anyway, turn round.

he is generally quite flirty with the girls

This doesn't sound like the love affair of the century. It sounds like somebody taking advantage of his senior position.

Self respect is not willingly shagging a bloke who is married to someone else, moreso when that involves cheating on someone you supposedly adore.

Lets look at if, and it is a mighty mighty big if, (probably more chance of you winning the lottery), he was to leave his wife for you. Do you really want to forever be known as the woman who stole him from his family?

The reality is, he will get what he wants, and then completely ignore you. You will feel used, and you will feel like shite.

Sorry - until reading a post above I didn't realise how sone people were reading my op. I meant that you have every reason to dislike me and my actions because I flirted back, not because I am 26.

God - who hasn't had advances from some lecherous boss?! Just don't act upon it! Oh wait... you've already been responding to texts etc - that was foolish.

Send one saying the banter has been fun but it's gone too far and you want it to stop. If he has half a brain it will - if not then threaten him with HR

It probably isn't a love affair of the century, but it is obvious why a man is attracted to a pretty young girl and why a pretty young girl is attracted to an older man (the fact that he is old enough to be her father just shows the wealth of experience he has).

There is no point in denying this -as some have done here with stuff about he's no interest in her and crap like that or that he has no lust for her. Course he bloody has.

He's not trying it on to see if he can, he's trying it on because he fancies her.

The question is, I think, is it worth it? And the answer is : No because it could wreck her marriage and job.

But why did you mention your age and what you looked like?

From what I have read - posters are commenting on your actions.

Wamster, he is lusting after her because he thinks she is an easy lay. Simple as that.

No, squeakytoy, he is lusting after her because she is young, blonde and pretty. I doubt that he lusts over the 80-year-old char lady.

Why are you seeking to deny human sexuality here? Men fancy young, blonde women.